Do This Every Day and Heal Your Broken Heart


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I've had a curled up in bed, slow-motion broken heart. From my experience here are 7 things to do everyday to help heal the pain...

She broke another promise.
He cheated again.
Her verbal abuse has gone too far.
He left.
She lied.

You’re heartbroken. 

A feeling of enormous pain that is more than anything imaginable. It cannot be cured by medicine, or treated by anything but time. It is not a physical pain that can be described, but something deep inside. Breathing gets hard, eating becomes tasteless, and…

The word heartbroken is defined – suffering from overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.

I’ve been heartbroken. Curled up on the bed, slow motion pain, that felt like it would never leave and made me wonder if I’d ever feel like myself again. I relate to Anne Lamott’s quote:

“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” ~Anne Lamott

Most likely you’ve been heartbroken too. Maybe your heart aches now. If so…

Here’s a list of things that helped me heal.

Heal Your Broken Heart

1. Admit Fear – Some of the overwhelming emotion comes from a fear of the “nevers.” Never: 1. Feel like yourself. 2. Be happy. 3. Trust anyone. 4. Love or be loved again.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ~C.S. Lewis

Pray – Ask God to help you with your fears.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

2. Go Through Your Pain – Not around it, over it, or under it. You have to live it. Identify the source of your pain – realized fear, feelings of abandonment or betrayal, concern about what people will think, etc.

Pray – Ask God to help you through this. 

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1–3

You're hurt, angry, and oooh you'd like to get even. What now? Here's a list of my best tips on–how to survive your broken heart. Learned the hard way...

3. Give Yourself Time – Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Grieving takes time. Strive for progress over perfection. Keep moving forward.

Pray – Ask God to strengthen you through this time of grieving.

“It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. it is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process.” ~Jay Marshall

4. Eat Healthy and Keep Moving – Some people soothe with food and some stop eating. Make it your goal to stay active and eat healthy foods. Take a walk, ride a bike, put on some music and move. Overeating and inactivity will only add physical discomfort to your emotional pain.

Pray – Ask God to help you make healthy choices.

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”  ~World Health Organization

5. Limit Painful Memories – Make the effort to change any habits that cause painful memories. Gradually limit the amount of time you spend going over painful memories.

Schedule “sad” appointments. (i.e. Today’s sad time is 7-8pm.) When painful thoughts creep in remind yourself to wait until your appointment.  As time passes, shorten your appointments and increase the time between them until they are no longer necessary.

Pray – Ask God to help you limit negative thinking.

We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4–5

6. Forgive Quickly – Clinging to anger and bitterness makes it harder to heal. Forgive those who hurt you as often as necessary until it sticks.

Pray – Ask God to help you forgive.

“The Holy Spirit, thank God, often enables people to forgive even though they are not sure how they did it.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

7. Accept Stutter Step Progress – I can tell you from experience, a broken heart does not heal in a straight line. You will take a few steps forward and one or two back. Some days will be harder than others. Focus on progress not perfection.

Pray – Ask God to help you see that you’re making progress. 

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

You will heal. Really. You will.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18

God promises you His presence. His peace. His healing grace.

How have you moved forward with a broken heart? How have you helped your child through grief?

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  1. Lovely, Deb. I like the idea of making appointments to ponder the grief. Thanks for sharing. Happy to be neighboring you at the Coffee for Your Heart linkup today. ((blessings))

    1. Thank you Brenda! I’ve used that technique several times and really helps. So thankful for the friend who told me about it years ago.

  2. These are fantastic tips. I’ve been in a state of heartbreak for most of my life Haha! But us tortured artist/writer types often prefer it… We just learn to be happy or live life around it. Well, us functional ones do.

    As someone going back and forth on an actual breakup heartbreak right now, these steps are dead on.

    1. Break ups do break our hearts in a special way. Praying you will be blessed with God’s peace and comfort during this time. And I agree and laughed out loud when you said artist/writer types are always heartbroken. We do feel big don’t we! 🙂

  3. ~Karrilee~ says:

    What a great powerful post, Deb! This is so good!

  4. It was very helpful reading through your tips – as I process where I am at in healing from a broken heart. We so often use that term in connection to a romantic hurt but really our heart breaks after any relationship break. Thanks for the very helpful read.

    1. Your right Belinda! My worst heartbreak was not romantic at all. A very wise counselor reminded me though that we grieve loss of what we had and what we hoped would be. That is true of all relationships . . . friends, children, spouses, parents, etc.

  5. Your post so touched my heart, Deb, as memories of losing my husband years ago flooded over me. You describe (and encourage) perfectly how we can ease the pain of a broken heart, that it takes time – lots of time – and how to stay close to God in the process.
    No, it’s not easy, but I’m a living testimony to the knowledge that it is, indeed, doable.

    1. Martha thank you so much for your affirmation. I’ve lived through it and know that those were the things that helped me most. I stand with you my friend knowing His grace works even in grief. Oh the blessing of knowing and loving our Lord and Savior. God bless you.

  6. Anastasia says:

    These are such great ideas. I wish I had them a year ago when I went through a very difficult season. I still have a hard time but it is so much better. I love your ideas, definitely tucking this one away fro the future since heart break in inevitable this side of heaven.

  7. What a practical and encouraging word, Deb!

    I love your wisdom and your steps toward healing! What great insight! You must be a pastor’s wife!

    Found this post on FaithnFriends!

    Hope you have a blessed day today~

  8. Don’t you love how Anne Lamott can put words around a feeling?
    So thankful to know the One who promises to bind up the broken heart and set the captive free.
    Your words have moved my thoughts in His direction today.

  9. Jason Stasyszen says:

    Really like the Jay Marshall quote because it’s something I have thought a lot about over the years. Time itself is not a healer, but God is Healer and He will walk us through the process if we allow Him the opportunity. Great thoughts and advice here–thank you, Deb!

  10. I especially loved the phrase, “your heart doesn’t heal in a straight line.” I never would have thought to phrase it like that, but it’s true! Healing comes in stages. Thank you for these Biblical guidelines!

  11. Great article!

    My opinion is that you may think that you can push the feelings down but there will be many reminders of your time together and you fail in the long run if you can’t be honest with yourself.

    It’s OK to feel sadness, confusion, anger, and loneliness.

    Try to avoid “numbing-yourself” to the pain but to instead feel the emotions and let them run their course.

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