You Can Survive Your Broken Heart

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Ten years ago yesterday my heart crumbled. Love refused. Relationship rejected. I'm here to tell you, you can survive your broken heart.

Who didn’t love you?

Ten years ago yesterday my heart crumbled. Love refused. Relationship rejected.

Maybe your heart was broken by your crush in school. Maybe your parent. Your friend. Your spouse. Your child. It’s impossible to get through life without a broken heart. Unfortunately we can’t make everyone love us. There will be someone or someones who won’t return our love. People who break our hearts.

I’ve learned from experience and from watching others . . . the greater the love or closer the relationship = the intensity of the pain.

What are you supposed to do? How will you survive? You don’t even want to get out of bed.

You’re beyond hurt and truthfully you’re angry too.

Friends suggest ways you should fight back or get even, and although that sounds good for the moment you know that won’t really make you feel better going forward.

Jesus said:

But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Luke 6:27

And you really don’t want to do that. Love. Do good. Are you kidding? No way.

Okay, we’ll get there, but for today let’s just work on surviving…

You're hurt, angry, and oooh you'd like to get even. What now? Here's a list of my best tips on–how to survive your broken heart. Learned the hard way...

You Can Survive Your Broken Heart

1. Pray for strength, peace, and the ability to forgive. Letting go of painful emotions is almost impossible if you don’t replace them with God’s good gifts.

O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help. Psalm 86:5

2. Cling to God’s promises. Unlike imperfect people, God will never reject or betray you. His love for us proven in and through Jesus is perfect and lasting. Not because of who you are or what you do, but because of who He is and what Jesus has done.

Your unfailing love, O Lord, is as vast as the heavens; your faithfulness reaches beyond the clouds. Psalm 36:5

Praise the Lord, all you nations. Praise him, all you people of the earth. For his unfailing love for us is powerful; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever.Praise the LordPsalm 117:1–2

3. Give yourself time to heal. Healing doesn’t happen over night. Set grieving appointments, 15-30 minutes each day, to feel and express your honest emotions. Journal. Cry out to God. He understands. When your thoughts upset you throughout the day, remind yourself you have a scheduled appointment to deal with them. Then listen to music. Call a friend to talk about something else. Whatever you need to change your thoughts.

“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.” ~Author Unknown

4. Stop replaying the rejection and choose good memories. Repeatedly reliving the pain will ultimately rob you of peace, contentment, and joy. Be thankful for good times, focus on pleasant memories, and let the rest go. (This is hard, but you get to choose what you continue to think.)

[Tweet “”Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.” ~Corrie Ten Boom”]

5. Do things that make you happy. Moments of happiness do not deny what happened or the love you felt. It’s easy to believe that feeling happy denies the pain, the grief. It doesn’t. Allow yourself to do things you enjoy and embrace moments of happiness.

“Today I choose to let go of pain, hurt, resentment, sadness, guilt, and negativity that I’ve been holding onto and allowing to control my life. Today I choose happiness and above all love.” ~Author Unknown

6. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Don’t let your broken heart define you. Embrace the people who are there, who love you. Pour yourself into what is and expect the blessings of the future.

 We love each other because He loved us first. 1 John 4:19

Repeat numbers two through six as often and as long as necessary, and number one most often. Turn your heart toward God and trust Him to heal your broken heart.

The Lord hears His people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. Psalm 34:17

The One who loves you so much He sent Jesus to die for you, hears the cries of your heart and welcomes your prayers. He will rescue you and heal your broken heart.

I promise. He’s healed mine!

Please come back tomorrow for – How to Love the Person Who Broke Your Heart.

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  1. Broken hearts cannot be mended without God’s help. You have given such sound and wise advice here today, Deb. Blessings!

    1. Thank you Martha! I so appreciate your encouragement. I am so thankful for the Lord’s presence that made healing possible in my life.

  2. Thank you Deb for this post. I particularly like points 3 & 4. Mostly because that is where I am at right now. And it seems that this one individual continues to hurt me, which makes it harder to move on. I have just been standing back, trying to take the time to heal and care for my heart. And this person continues to throw her darts at my heart. I appreciate your post. It is very helpful.

    1. Aimee, I’m so sorry you’re hurting. Take all the time you need. It’s hard not to become very self-protective especially when the pain continues. Lean into the Lord and those who love you and remember this doesn’t define you . . . it is about this person, not you. If you need someone to listen private message me any time. Blessings and hugs!

    2. Hi Aimee from experience I can say set boundaries so that that kind of abuse wont continue to happen … its hard but it helped for me! Look into the topic of setting boundaries, it really helps the healing proses!

  3. You know Deb, as a pastor I face this a lot. Investing time and love and energy into a person or a couple’s relationship only to watch them “walk” is so hard to take. I invested almost 203 years in a male friendship. We rode bikes, at lunch, he visited in my home, attended church and Bible study, then suddenly just dropped off the map. He wants no contact with me or anyone in the church. It is sad because he is a hermit without my extrovertism.

    1. It’s so hard Bill. I’m sorry. Pouring yourself into someone’s life and then being rejected hurts. Pastors and their families pour out like crazy and it’s painful when we end up feeling like it wasn’t good enough. Praying he returns to your faith family.

  4. This breathes love and forgiveness Deb, and you lead by His example. Oddly enough, the song lyric going through my mind as I type is, “Love hurts”.
    Yet, the pain of rejection, the wounds and scars of the evidence of LOVE, displayed on the Cross….reveals more than just how to survive, it shows us how to live. His grace makes it possible for the wounds in our soul to heal. Reading your words and pondering His Word, Psalm 103 has never been more real to me.
    Praying for mery in your remember and the conquering power of Love for the hurting places and people. May He be the reconciler of all that is lost.

    1. Thank you Dawn. God’s love has never been more real to me as it has since He loved me through my broken heart. His grace truly is sufficient. Blessings to you my friend!

  5. Amazing post, Deb! Thank you so very much for sharing such wisdom! Infinite blessings to you, Love! 🙂

  6. This post was so helpful , thank you for sharing. People want to be loved and when rejection comes , we tend to withdraw and try not to get hurt again, but if we follow your steps we will heal and recover just like Jesus .

    1. Oh, thank you Vonda! It is tempting to withdraw and hide to protect ourselves from hurt. But in the protecting we miss so many opportunities to love and be loved. Your kind encouragement blessed me. May

  7. Michelle Nehrig says:

    Deb, this is beautiful and so true! I only wish I had stumbled upon this last October when my heart was broken. Thank you for sharing your words.

  8. Michelle, These are things I’ve learned through a very difficult walk. I wish I’d known them years ago. I’m so thankful God used them to bless you! Hugs!

  9. Diana Trautwein says:

    Beautifully said, Deb. I’m here from Lisha’s link-up – y0u’re right before me over there – and I’m so glad I came. Thank you.

  10. LindseyLoo says:

    I needed to read this.
    So good to have this reiterated.
    I lost the closeness of a friendship…a friend that was in my daily life. In fact, we live next to each other.
    It’s been one of the most incredibly depressing things I’ve went through.
    I’ve dreamed about her two nights in a row.
    I have resorted to spiritual guidance and prayer. I’ve decided that yes, I need to forgive, treasure memories, and let time heal.
    We talk from time to time and are polite to one another but the closeness is gone and tension remains.
    But I believe in Phillipians when it says to persevere in prayer and “the peace of God that excels all thoughts will guard your hearts and your mental powers”.
    Thank you again. I will be sharing this.

  11. This is like a dose of love straight to the heart. When we do these things we can replace all of our irritation and frustration with life affirming actions. I need to do this more and more. As you know, it’s hard when you are hurt. But, I will go to God. Thank you for these truths; I will hold on to them. Cheering you on from the #RaRalinkup on Purposeful Faith.

  12. desiree montalvo says:

    Thank you Dawn,for sharing so many wonderful tips abut forgiveness and seeking our God through it all. I was so blessed to have found your post.

    Making Joy Contagious,

    1. Dear Deb, God bless you more and thanks for your wonderful post. It is for me, Glory to God for sending me His word.

      1. Belay, I’m so glad this blessed you. I’m sorry your heart is hurting. Praying God will give you His peace and comfort as your surrender your hurting heart to Him and fill your future with reasons to rejoice! God bless you.

  13. Deb,
    My daughter just called me because her boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with her. Her heart is breaking and therefor so is mine. I couldn’t sleep so between praying and crying for her pain ,God led me to this blog.I am reading the words but the pain is too raw to sink in. How do I help her through this pain?

    1. Oh, Terri, I’m so sorry! I believe the pain of rejection is so hard and for mom’s who love their children … we hurt when they hurt. I’m praying for you both. I guess the best advice I’ve received myself is – 1. Pray for God to comfort her and to use the people in her life to remind her of how very much she is loved. 2. Encourage her to do things with her friends as soon as she feels up to it. 3. I once had a counselor suggest grieving appointments. Setting aside 30 minutes a day to cry, punch pillows, etc. Then the rest of the day when I would feel upset, I’d remind myself to save it for my appt. and get busy doing something else. I gradually shortened the appt. time until I didn’t need it anymore. I flesh it our a little more in this post – How to Survive a Broken Heart. God bless you both!

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