Your heart is broken! You loved big and you weren’t loved in return and the pain feels overwhelming.
If you click over to the Blessing Counters Prayer Page, healing and restoration of broken hearts caused by broken relationships is the number one prayer request.
No matter how hard you and I try, rejection is an unfortunate part of life and to say it hurts is an understatement. We simply can’t make everyone love us.
Something I’ve learned, from experience and from watching others, is that the closer the relationship and greater the love … the more intense the pain.
So, what are you supposed to do when your heart is broken?
When the pain is so great that you don’t want to get out of bed or do anything?
C. S. Lewis said,
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
If you’re reading this, I’m guessing your heart is broken and you’re grieving, not the death of a person but the death of a relationship.
I’ve been where you are and I know the fear you’re feeling comes from wondering if—you’ll ever feel like yourself. You’ll ever trust again. You’ll ever love or be loved again.
You’re wondering if you’ll ever be happy again.
I want you to know, you will. You will heal and you will be happy again.
But be patient with yourself. Grieving takes time … it’s a process without a timetable. It’s something you walk through, not around or over. You have to live it out one day at a time.
The following is a list of things I actually used as I walked through my own season of heartbroken grief.
I believe they can help you walk through yours…
Things You Need to Do That Will Heal Your Broken Heart
1. PRAY! Pray again and pray some more.
Cry out to God. He knows what you’re going through. He understands and He will help you.
Ask the Lord to comfort you and give you His strength and peace. And as hard as it may seem … ask Him to help you forgive the person who broke your heart.
I remember how letting go of the pain seemed impossible. I knew I needed God’s help.
So, I turned to the Psalms and prayed…
Father, I am sad and tired. Make me strong again as You have promised. (Based on Psalm 119:28)
Father, Your Word says You hear our prayers when we call out to You for help … it says You rescue Your children from their troubles. It tells me that – You are close to the brokenhearted and rescue those whose spirits are crushed. I need Your help and Your healing touch. (Based on Psalm 34:17–18
Father, You understand what I’m going through. You know what it’s like to be rejected. I trust Your perfect and unfailing love. Please heal my broken heart. Amen.
2. Turn to God’s Truth and Trust His promises.
God never rejects or betrays His children when they come to Him for help. Never! His promises are true! He proved every single one in and through Jesus.
It’s hard to function when grief is overwhelming. I remember struggling to accomplish even the little things and going through the motions of life in a numb fog. By God’s grace, He guided me to grab my Bible and for the first time in my life, I read it … not for knowledge but with a hunger in my heart. I spent every spare moment in the Word with the Lord, allowing Him to fill me with His truth and promises.
He gives strength to those who are tired and power to those who are weak.Isaiah 40:29
I can do all things through Christ because He gives me strength.Philippians 4:13
Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.Isaiah 40:31
And the one that became my life verse…
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.Psalm 73:26
And knowing He was able to hold me close and give me strength, help me to…
3. Breathe and Take Time to Heal.
Broken hearts don’t heal over night any more than broken bones do!
Accept the fact that healing will take time. Get counseling if you need it. Find a wise friend who has walked this path before you … who will walk alongside you giving you hope and encouragement.
You may have friends who don’t understand … that’s okay. This is your life, your journey … ask God to surround you with people who will simply be with you not try to fix you.
I like the following quote because even when the steps are small and the progress is slow … if you’re moving forward, you’re heading in the right direction.
“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.”Author Unknown
Something I needed to remember was to…
4. Stop Reliving the Painful Memories.
Repeatedly reliving painful memories only robbed me of peace, contentment, and joy.
But I’ll be honest with you, this one was really hard for me. I kept wondering … What if I hadn’t said this; what if they hadn’t done that. What if!
I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, it’s not. But there is an important truth to remember… you and I get to choose what we think about.
Negative thoughts and painful memories will inevitably come to mind … the enemy loves to taunt and discourage us with them but we get to decide how long we will allow them to linger and upset us.
One of the things I learned to do was to…
Set grieving appointments. I gave myself 15-30 minutes each day, to feel big and express painful emotions. I could cry, rant, stomp my feet, or punch a pillow. Whatever I needed to release what I was feeling. When the time was up, I’d take a breath and tell myself to let it go for that day. Then … when negative thoughts upset me, I’d remind myself that I would deal with them later at my appointment.
And when negative thoughts tried to derail me, I do my best to remember the following truths…
Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.Proverbs 4:23
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Philippians 4:8
5. Do Things that Make You Happy
It’s easy to believe that feeling happy somehow denies your pain and grief. It doesn’t. Do things that bless you … things you love will help you heal.
Go out for coffee with a friend. Take a walk in the park. Buy yourself flowers. Eat a piece of chocolate. Make a list of your favorite things to do and check them off … one by one.
“Today I choose to let go of pain, hurt, resentment, sadness, guilt, and negativity that I’ve been holding onto and allowing to control my life. Today I choose happiness and above all love.” ~Author Unknown
6. Surround Yourself with Love
Don’t let your broken heart define you.
Spend time with people who love you. Allow the people who do love you to fill your joy tank. Pour yourself into the people God has placed around you. Look for someone to help … someone else who needs hope and encouragement.
“Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls.”Melody Beattie
Friend, God is greater than your helplessness and hopelessness. He is able to heal your broken heart.
He understands the pain of rejection. You can give the pieces of your broken heart to Jesus and let Him help you heal.
I’ll admit that occasionally painful thoughts still pop into my head but that doesn’t mean God hasn’t healed my broken heart. All it means is that it’s time to repeat these six steps and trust God to once again give me His perfect peace and fill me with joy.
The One who holds the universe in the palm of His hand loves you! He is able to give you everything you need. He will heal your broken heart!
He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!Psalm 147:3–5
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