She broke another promise.
He cheated again.
Her verbal abuse has gone too far.
A feeling of enormous pain that is more than anything imaginable. It cannot be cured by medicine, or treated by anything but time. It is not a physical pain that can be described, but something deep inside. Breathing gets hard, eating becomes tasteless, and…
The word heartbroken is defined – suffering from overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.
I’ve been heartbroken. Curled up on the bed, slow motion pain, that felt like it would never leave and made me wonder if I’d ever feel like myself again. I relate to Anne Lamott’s quote:
“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” ~Anne Lamott
Most likely you’ve been heartbroken too. Maybe your heart aches now. If so…
Here’s a list of things that helped me heal.
Heal Your Broken Heart
1. Admit Fear – Some of the overwhelming emotion comes from a fear of the “nevers.” Never: 1. Feel like yourself. 2. Be happy. 3. Trust anyone. 4. Love or be loved again.
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ~C.S. Lewis
Pray – Ask God to help you with your fears.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
2. Go Through Your Pain – Not around it, over it, or under it. You have to live it. Identify the source of your pain – realized fear, feelings of abandonment or betrayal, concern about what people will think, etc.
Pray – Ask God to help you through this.
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1–3
3. Give Yourself Time – Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Grieving takes time. Strive for progress over perfection. Keep moving forward.
Pray – Ask God to strengthen you through this time of grieving.
“It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. it is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process.” ~Jay Marshall
4. Eat Healthy and Keep Moving – Some people soothe with food and some stop eating. Make it your goal to stay active and eat healthy foods. Take a walk, ride a bike, put on some music and move. Overeating and inactivity will only add physical discomfort to your emotional pain.
Pray – Ask God to help you make healthy choices.
“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” ~World Health Organization
5. Limit Painful Memories – Make the effort to change any habits that cause painful memories. Gradually limit the amount of time you spend going over painful memories.
Schedule “sad” appointments. (i.e. Today’s sad time is 7-8pm.) When painful thoughts creep in remind yourself to wait until your appointment. As time passes, shorten your appointments and increase the time between them until they are no longer necessary.
Pray – Ask God to help you limit negative thinking.
We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4–5
6. Forgive Quickly – Clinging to anger and bitterness makes it harder to heal. Forgive those who hurt you as often as necessary until it sticks.
Pray – Ask God to help you forgive.
“The Holy Spirit, thank God, often enables people to forgive even though they are not sure how they did it.” ~Lewis B. Smedes
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli
7. Accept Stutter Step Progress – I can tell you from experience, a broken heart does not heal in a straight line. You will take a few steps forward and one or two back. Some days will be harder than others. Focus on progress not perfection.
Pray – Ask God to help you see that you’re making progress.
“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach
You will heal. Really. You will.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18
God promises you His presence. His peace. His healing grace.
How have you moved forward with a broken heart? How have you helped your child through grief?
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