Powerful Truth to Know When You Need to Forgive

Almost everyone has a double standard when it comes to forgiveness.

If you and I are being honest, we’d admit we want to be forgiven but often find it hard to forgive.

And that’s especially true, when the offense has been life-changing or the offender continues to do things that cause us pain.

Even though the Bible says we need to forgive each other, sometimes it's hard when the pain and consequences overwhelm us. This truth will help... #Forgive #Faith #Bible #Hope #Healing #CountingMyBlessings

But then there’s this…

Jesus said:

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14–15

Verses like this one and the “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us,” part of the Lord’s Prayer make us squirm.

You and I want God’s forgiveness. Really, we need His forgiveness.

But the truth is … sometimes the pain cuts so deep and the consequences so lasting that forgiving seems impossible and it feels like we’re excusing the wrong and denying the pain.

But I wonder if we’re looking at forgiveness the wrong way.

Henry Ward Beecher once said…

“I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note – torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one.”

And although I agree that part of forgiveness is no longer holding the person’s offense against them like a debt that must be paid later.

Sometimes an offense is like having your arm cut off and then being told not to think about it again.

The Bible does not tell us to forgive and forget. It tells us to forgive like we’ve been forgiven.

Forgiving someone does not deny the offense nor does it excuse the offender.

Forgiving is choosing to love others like God loves us and to forgive them because God has forgiven us.

Even as I type those words, believe me, I know it’s not easy!

In fact, the truths I want to share with you are the result of a very personal struggle I had with forgiveness. Choices made by others turned our lives upside down, caused overwhelming heartache, and left scars I knew would never disappear.

So yes, I understand that it can seem impossible to forgive at times.

But Jesus’ words about the connection between forgiving and being forgiven challenge my heart and I just can’t imagine willingly blocking God’s forgiveness in my life.

I know how much I need God’s forgiveness. I know how often He has washed me clean and given me a fresh start. And I know that no matter how hard I try, I fall short of His perfect will and need His forgiveness again and again.

I’ve made a list of truths that help me when I need to forgive and I pray they will help you, too.

Powerful Truth to Know When You Need to Forgive

1. Forgiving someone does not erase, excuse, or deny what happened.

Forgiving extends mercy to the person who did the wrong and gives peace to the person who was wronged.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the past. but it does, by God’s grace, give us peace, strength, and the courage to move into the future free of anger, bitterness, and resentment.

Forgiveness makes it possible for you and me to live with joy once agai.

Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Colossians 3:12–13

2. You don’t have to tell the person that you have forgiven them unless they ask.

The person who hurt you may not believe they’ve done anything that needs to be forgiven. They may believe their words or actions were justified. And it’s possible that you could make the problem worse or cause yourself more pain by going to them and telling them you forgive them if they haven’t asked.

If you do believe you need to voice unsolicited forgiveness make sure you’re not motivated by anger or a desire to hurt or manipulate them to get even.

“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.”
Anonymous

3. Anger, hatred, bitterness, and resentment will only prolong your pain and prevent you from healing.

I hate when a perfectly wonderful day gets interrupted by a heart-piercing memory. It doesn’t take much . . . a familiar smell, a song, a picture, a comment and suddenly I can be reliving an awfu moment.

Although I can’t control my thoughts and memories, I can control what I do with them and how long I allow them to live in my head and influence my emotions.

I’ve learned it’s important for me to change painful thoughts and memories quickly. So, I keep a list of mental distractions … music I love, quotes and verses that inspire me, or just going outside and taking a walk.

And the best way to deal with difficult memories … lay them at the foot of the cross in prayer … every. single. time.

“Victory over our hurts and pain is not found by delving deeper into our wounds, but by clinging to the wounds of Jesus.”
Louie Giglio

4. God will give you the strength you need to forgive if you ask Him.

Honestly talking to God about my feelings and asking Him for strength has been the only way I’ve been able to forgive when I don’t want to.

I imagine you’ve had times, like me, when you’re sure the person who hurt you doesn’t deserve forgiveness. They’re not sorry. They don’t care. They’re lives look good and you’re having trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

Pray!

Thank God for the many times He has forgiven you, tell Him you want to obey His command to forgive like you’ve been forgiven, and ask Him for the strength you need to forgive the person who hurt you.

Lord, teach me what You want me to do, and I will live by Your truth. Teach me to respect You completely.
Psalm 86:11

And…

The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory.
Psalm 118:14

5. Choose forgiveness – sit in a room by yourself and speak out loud or write words of forgiveness.

You know it’s what God wants you to do.

You know you’re tired of holding on to anger, bitterness, and pain.

Now it’s time to take your anger, hurt, frustration, and all the other junk in your head and let it go.

It’s time to actually … forgive.

If you need help … you can use the following:

I have held on to this anger, hurt, and resentment for too long. And because I am completely loved, accepted, and forgiven by God in Christ Jesus, I am able to forgive you, ______________. I choose to forgive you for ______________, and I release you completely. You don’t owe me. I will no longer hold this against you. You are free. I am free.

If you choose to write your forgiveness, I recommend burning or shredding it after you’re finished as a symbol of the forgiveness you’ve given and freedom you’ve received.

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~Corrie ten Boom

Before you go … I’d love to invite you to watch the following video. Mary Johnson has a lot to teach us all about the power of forgiveness…

And give you one last quote to think about…

The person who has the most power over your life is the person you have not forgiven.
Dallas Willard

I don’t know about you but I don’t want to give the people who hurt me that much power. I want to be free to live and love … forgiven and forgiving!

What truths do you turn to when you need to forgive someone?

What is the best thing you discovered after forgiving someone when you didn’t want to?

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Do This Every Day and Heal Your Broken Heart

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She broke another promise.
He cheated again.
Her verbal abuse has gone too far.
He left.
She lied.

You’re heartbroken.

A feeling of enormous pain that is more than anything imaginable. It cannot be cured by medicine, or treated by anything but time. It is not a physical pain that can be described, but something deep inside. Breathing gets hard, eating becomes tasteless, and…

The word heartbroken is defined – suffering from overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.

I’ve been heartbroken. Curled up on the bed, slow motion pain, that felt like it would never leave and made me wonder if I’d ever feel like myself again. I relate to Anne Lamott’s quote:

“And I felt like my heart had been so thoroughly and irreparably broken that there could be no real joy again, that at best there might eventually be a little contentment. Everyone wanted me to get help and rejoin life, pick up the pieces and move on, and I tried to, I wanted to, but I just had to lie in the mud with my arms wrapped around myself, eyes closed, grieving, until I didn’t have to anymore.” ~Anne Lamott

Most likely you’ve been heartbroken too. Maybe your heart aches now. If so…

Here’s a list of things that helped me heal.

Heal Your Broken Heart

1. Admit Fear – Some of the overwhelming emotion comes from a fear of the “nevers.” Never: 1. Feel like yourself. 2. Be happy. 3. Trust anyone. 4. Love or be loved again.

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” ~C.S. Lewis

Pray – Ask God to help you with your fears.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10

2. Go Through Your Pain – Not around it, over it, or under it. You have to live it. Identify the source of your pain – realized fear, feelings of abandonment or betrayal, concern about what people will think, etc.

Pray – Ask God to help you through this.

“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:1–3

3. Give Yourself Time – Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Grieving takes time. Strive for progress over perfection. Keep moving forward.

Pray – Ask God to strengthen you through this time of grieving.

“It has been said that time heals all wounds. The truth is that time does not heal anything. It merely passes. it is what we do during the passing of time that helps or hinders the healing process.” ~Jay Marshall

4. Eat Healthy and Keep Moving – Some people soothe with food and some stop eating. Make it your goal to stay active and eat healthy foods. Take a walk, ride a bike, put on some music and move. Overeating and inactivity will only add physical discomfort to your emotional pain.

Pray – Ask God to help you make healthy choices.

“Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being, and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.” ~World Health Organization

5. Limit Painful Memories – Make the effort to change any habits that cause painful memories. Gradually limit the amount of time you spend going over painful memories.

Schedule “sad” appointments. (i.e. Today’s sad time is 7-8pm.) When painful thoughts creep in remind yourself to wait until your appointment. As time passes, shorten your appointments and increase the time between them until they are no longer necessary.

Pray – Ask God to help you limit negative thinking.

We fight with weapons that are different from those the world uses. Our weapons have power from God that can destroy the enemy’s strong places. We destroy people’s arguments and every proud thing that raises itself against the knowledge of God. We capture every thought and make it give up and obey Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:4–5

6. Forgive Quickly – Clinging to anger and bitterness makes it harder to heal. Forgive those who hurt you as often as necessary until it sticks.

Pray – Ask God to help you forgive.

“The Holy Spirit, thank God, often enables people to forgive even though they are not sure how they did it.” ~Lewis B. Smedes

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” ~Steve Maraboli

7. Accept Stutter Step Progress – I can tell you from experience, a broken heart does not heal in a straight line. You will take a few steps forward and one or two back. Some days will be harder than others. Focus on progress not perfection.

Pray – Ask God to help you see that you’re making progress.

“Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

You will heal. Really. You will.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18

God promises you His presence. His peace. His healing grace.

How have you moved forward with a broken heart? How have you helped your child through grief?

Photo Credit – BossFight.co

5 Truths That Will Help You Forgive the Unforgivable

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We have a double standard when it comes to forgiveness.

We want God’s forgiveness, but find it hard to forgive others. Especially when the damage is life changing or when the offender continues doing things that cause us pain.

God told us to forgive, but sometimes it feels impossible. The truth . . . we don’t want to!

If you missed yesterday’s post – Why We Should Forgive the Unforgivable, you can head over and read it now. Then come back to for:

5 Truths to Help You Forgive the Unforgivable

1. Forgiveness does not excuse a wrong. It gives mercy to the person who did the wrong.

Forgiveness doesn’t remove or deny the past. It does, by God’s grace, give you peace, strength, and courage to move into the future free of the bitterness and resentment . . . ready to live and be happy.

Since God chose you to be the holy people He loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:12–13

2. You don’t have to tell the person you’ve forgiven them unless they ask.

The person who hurt you may not believe they’ve done anything that needs forgiveness. They might believe their words or actions were justified. You could make the problem worse or cause yourself more pain by telling them you forgive them.

If you think you need to voice unsolicited forgiveness make sure you’re not motivated by anger or a desire to hurt or manipulate them to get even.

“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.” ~Anonymous

3. Remember that hatred and resentment only prolong the pain.

I hate when a perfectly wonderful day gets interrupted by a painful memory. It doesn’t take much . . . a familiar smell, a song, a picture, a comment and suddenly I’m reliving a painful moment.

We can’t control our thoughts and memories, but we can control how long we allow them to hold our attention.

So change painful thoughts and memories by calling a friend, turning on some music, getting up and moving, or reciting your favorite verse or quote.

“Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances that do not permit life to proceed with new business. Not to forgive is to yield oneself to another’s control… to be locked into a sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat, escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured by the past. Forgiveness frees the forgiver. It extracts the forgiver from someone else’s nightmare.” ~Lance Morrow

4. Pray for strength to forgive.

Honestly talking to God about my feelings and asking Him for strength has been the only way I’ve been able to forgive when I don’t want to.

I’ll bet you’ve had times, like me, when you’re sure the person who hurt you doesn’t deserve forgiveness. They’re not sorry. They don’t care. They’re lives look good and you’re having trouble getting out of bed in the morning.

Pray! Pray more!! Thank God for the many times He has forgiven you and ask Him for strength to forgive.

Lord, teach me what You want me to do, and I will live by Your truth. Teach me to respect You completely. Lord, my God, I will praise You with all my heart, and I will honor Your name forever. You have great love for me. You have saved me from death. Psalm 86:11-13, 17

5. Choose to forgive – sit in a room by yourself and speak or write forgiveness.

Now it’s time to turn off distractions. Take your anger, hurt, frustration, and all the other junk in your head and let it go. Forgive.

Need help . . . use this statement of forgiveness to free yourself from anger and resentment.

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Speak or write the following:

I have held on to this anger, hurt, and resentment for too long. And because I am completely accepted and forgiven by God in Christ Jesus, I am able to forgive and accept you, ______________. I choose to forgive you for ______________, and release you completely. You don’t owe me. You are no longer accountable to me for this. You are free. I am free.

If you choose to write your forgiveness, I recommend burning or shredding it after you’re finished as a symbol of the forgiveness you’ve given and freedom you’ve received.

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~Corrie ten Boom

What truths do you hold to help you forgive? What is the best thing about finally forgiving the unforgivable?

Join me tomorrow for – How to Heal After You’ve Forgiven the Unforgivable.

10 Ways to Celebrate National Forgiveness Day

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National Forgiveness Day is not just a faith or religious holiday. The need to forgive and be forgiven is a human condition which affects everyone. Today is the perfect time to restore hurting and broken relationships through the gift of forgiveness.

Withholding forgiveness causes stress which can lead to physical symptoms like – anxiety, high blood pressure, and depression. It can cause negative emotions and problems with anger and frustration.

Forgiveness is:

1. Pardon or absolution following an offense.
2. Letting go of feelings of resentment and anger.
3. Canceling a debt; no longer requiring repayment.

It is important to note that forgiveness does not mean you accept or approve of the hurt. It is simply the choice to release the person who hurt you . . . to finally say, “You don’t owe me, I will not hold this against you.”

9 Ways to Forgive Others

1. Realize that holding a grudge hurts you not the people who offended you.

“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart… forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.” ~ Hannah More

2. Admit you have people you need to forgive.

Then Peter came to Him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! Matthew 18:21–22

3. Make a list of people you need to forgive.

“Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” ~ Corrie ten Boom

4. Pray over the list and ask God to help you forgive.

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Colossians 3:11

5. Choose to stop telling the story.

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday.” ~ Steve Maribolli

Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

6. Allow yourself to feel compassion for the people who hurt you.

“For me, forgiveness and compassion are always linked: how do we hold people accountable for wrongdoing and yet at the same time remain in touch with their humanity enough to believe in their capacity to be transformed?” ~ Bell Hooks

7. Choose to decide most offenses are small and unimportant. Let them go.

“Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life.” ~ George McDonald

8. Choose to be happy and kind.

“When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.” ~ Bernard Meltzer

9. Forgiveness makes love possible.

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

10. Remember how much God has forgiven in you.

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. ~C. S. Lewis

Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Make Forgiveness Day a great day. A day filled with blessings. Let go of past hurts. Take off the chains of unforgiveness and free yourself to heal and move into tomorrow with peace, joy, and love.

4 Steps to Forgiving the Church

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When we have been wounded by the Church, our temptation is to reject it. But when we reject the Church it becomes very hard for us to keep in touch with the living Christ. When we say, ‘I love Jesus, but I hate the Church,’ we end up losing not only the Church but Jesus too. The challenge is to forgive the Church. This challenge is especially great because the Church seldom asks us for forgiveness, at least not officially. But the Church as an often fallible human organization needs our forgiveness, while the Church as the living Christ among us continues to offer us forgiveness.

It is important to think about the Church not as ‘over there’ but as a community of struggling, weak people of whom we are part and in whom we meet our Lord and Redeemer. – Henri Nouwen

How do you forgive a church that fails you? One that fails to ask for forgiveness or even admit it’s wrong?