30 Ways to Bless Your Marriage
& Keep the Spark Burning
by Deb Wolf
Keeping your love story alive is something that takes intentional effort by both people in a relationship.
You can’t do it alone.
Well, at least not for very long.
So how can you bring a waning relationship back to life?
My parents were married for 60 years. Rev and I have been together for 45 years and married for 43. We raised three children, ran a business together, served in ministry side by side, and survived plenty of circumstances that tried to pull us apart.
And we’ve learned some things we believe will bless your relationship and inspire the spark that may be starting to feel more like a fading ember.
30 Ways to Bless Your Marriage
& Keep The Spark Aflame
1. Marriage is not a big deal; it’s a bunch of little deals – So let’s start working on the little things.
2. Make Every Promise a Kept Promise – Big promises and little promises, every promise is important and speaks to your character.
Promise – a statement telling someone that you will definitely do something or that something will definitely happen in the future.
If you make a promise do absolutely everything within your power to keep that promise. No excuses!
3. Tell the Truth – Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
“The important thing, Jesus is saying (in Matthew 5:33-37), is to tell the truth and keep one’s pledges without insisting that a certain form of words must be used if it is to be binding.
“No oath is necessary for the truthful person… Their word is so reliable that nothing more than a statement is needed from them.” ~D.A.Carson
4. Don’t Keep Secrets – Unless they’re good ones.
Most of us love a good surprise, but finding out that you haven’t been completely honest in your relationship is a difficult hurdle to overcome. Not impossible, but definitely an avoidable challenge.
5. Forgive FAST – Be quick to ask for forgiveness when you’re wrong and quick to give forgiveness when you’ve been wronged.
Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
6. Let Go of Anger – Ask the following questions:
Why am I angry? Look at the situation honestly and factually.
Is something else upsetting me? (I don’t feel well. The kids are driving me crazy. Work is overwhelming. I’m exhausted. I’m cranky.)
Why did it happen? Is something else upsetting the other person involved.
Will talking about it make it better? If not let it go. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”
Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:25–27
7. Show Gratitude – Give tons of affirmation and appreciation, and keep complaints to a minimum.
8. Use Your Manners – Say “please and thank-you” You’ll be amazed how much a little sugar can sweeten your relationship.
9. Be Generous with Compliments – Find lots of excuses to build up your spouse. Everything and anything can become a reason to make each other feel special.
Don’t keep the things you love about them a secret. Compliments leave loving imprints on the heart.
10. Be Reliable – Have integrity. Be someone your spouse can count on to consistently show they care. Be on time and if you say you’ll do something—do it!
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10
11. Build Their Image – Never speak negatively about your spouse to others. Don’t complain to your friends. If you can’t say something nice . . . be quiet.
If you have a problem work it out at home. Hmmm – as Rev would say, “That’s downright Biblical.” (Matthew 18:15–19)
“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.” H. Jackson Brown Jr.
12. Love with Space and Time – Give big and take little. Allow room to grow and change. Encourage new ventures and be generous with trust and understanding. Schedule time together. Don’t smother or hover.
“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” ~Stephen Covey
13. Avoid Danger – Set your personal boundaries well within the safe zone. Simply avoid situations that might threaten your relationship or make a loved one uncomfortable. If you think you’d have to defend or explain it . . . don’t do it.
Be the person your family trusts because you’ve never given them a reason to doubt. Remember “give big and take little.”
“Pleasure without God, without the sacred boundaries, will actually leave you emptier than before. And this is biblical truth, this is experiential truth. The loneliest people in the world are amongst the wealthiest and most famous who found no boundaries within which to live. That is a fact I’ve seen again and again.” ~Ravi Zacharias
14. Bite Your Tongue – You don’t have to say everything you think . . . avoid sarcasm and scorchers. It’s worth a bloody tongue to avoid saying something you’ll regret.
Hurtful words can hang in the air for years. Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble. Proverbs 21:23
Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it. Ephesians 4:29(AMP)
15. Grow Your Faith – Spend time talking about your faith. Worship and study the Bible together. It will strengthen you personally and bless your relationship!
“Professor Scott Stanley from the University of Denver, working—on the Oklahoma Marriage Study, explains that couples with a vibrant religious faith had more and higher levels of the qualities couples need to avoid divorce.” ~Glenn T. Stanton
16. Share Hopes, Dreams, and Goals – Believe in each other. Be open about your hopes, dreams, and goals . . . communicate (talk and listen). Be a cheerleader for the passions of you love by encouraging them to pursue their dreams.
“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” ~Ann Landers
17. Pray – Life up specifics. Health problems. Work issues. Emotional struggles. Everything and anything. Pray for and with each other.
Give all your cares to the Lord and He will give you strength. He will never let those who are right with Him be shaken. Psalm 55:22
18. Look Your Best – Somehow after you’ve seen each other with bed-head and morning breath it’s easy to stop trying as hard. This is for both guys and gals. I’m not suggesting you obsess about your weight and appearance, but I do think it’s important to continue to try to look nice for each other.
19. Do Your Best – Faithfulness fights to forgive, resolve, and restore. Do you best to give your relationship everything you can to make it strong and lasting. It’s a 24/7 investment that is worth the effort.
“Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering ‘I will try again tomorrow.” ~Mary Anne Radmacher
20. Look for the fun – Responsibilities like paying the bills, raising children, and working through problems can suck the fun right out of a marriage. Be intentional about doing the things you enjoy as often as possible.
21. Play and Laugh – It’s okay. Be silly once in a while. It’s good for your marriage and good for your health.
“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.” ~ Dale Carnegie
22. Keep a Regular Date Night – Once a week, once a month, or somewhere between. Put date night on the calendar and spend time together.
Sometimes finances didn’t permit going out and getting a sitter, but Rev and I just put the kids to bed and enjoyed a quiet dinner for two. It’s the intentional time that matters not what you do.
23. Take Time to Remember – watch family videos, go through photo albums, share memories – Remembering and talking about blessings you’ve shared can be exactly what a relationship needs to get back on track.
“Memories are the key not to the past, but to the future.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
24. Give 100% of Your Attention for 30–60 Minutes Everyday – Put the kids to bed. Put down your phone and tablet. Turn off the television.
Ask each other about the best and worst parts of their day. Talk. Listen. Encourage. Don’t try to fix the other person’s problem. Just listen and love. It will connect you
25. Disagree Without Being Disagreeable – It is impossible for two people to agree about everything all the time; however, it is possible to disagree, negotiate, compromise, and solve.
Avoid words like “always and never.” Avoid sarcasm. Keep a normal tone of voice. Avoid adding every other problem to the current situation. Strive for a solution that satisfies both of you, or agree to disagree and take time to think and pray about it.
26. Avoid Hot Buttons – Admit it. You know exactly what to say to start an argument. But do you really feel better after you’ve screamed about each other’s faults and deficiencies? Do go looking for a fight!
“You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.” – Unknown
27. Never Stop Flirting – Remember when everything he said was funny? When you couldn’t wait to tell her how beautiful she looked? When dinner was so terrible you had to throw it out and go out for burgers, and it became your private joke?
Flirting says you care and that you still find each other attractive.
28. Celebrate the Little Things – Find little reasons to celebrate everyday. Every anniversary you can remember. Every event and milestone.
“Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness, and small obligations given habitually, are what preserve the heart and secure comfort.” ~ Humphry Davy
29. Make a list – of things you love about your spouse and share it with him/her. I promise it will bless you both. I love you because _____________.
Idea . . . list one thing for every year you’ve been married.
30. Don’t Give Up – It does take two and I know you can’t change someone else, but you can change yourself and your attitude. Make an intentional and extended effort before you give away something precious. Think back . . . you chose them for a reason?
“Don’t give up on the people you love. Your patient love and faithfulness may be exactly what they need to make a complete turnaround.” ~Joyce Meyer
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Philippians 4:8
Resurrect the Romance!
45 years later I can tell you it’s worth it! Every effort. Every compromise. Every big or small celebration. It’s all part of something that has the potential of being the very best blessing in your life.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9–12
Now this is important… It is possible to do every one of the these ingredients faithfully and have the other person completely blow apart your relationship.
We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. No one will do these things perfectly one hundred percent of the time. That’s why forgiveness is an essential ingredient. But that does not give us an excuse to ignore the truth that these ingredients are important.
It’s still important do our best to apply them to every relationship.
So let’s go for it. Let’s pray to begin the change we want to see in our relationships. Let’s talk with our loved ones about the ingredients and commit to doing our best to apply them. With God’s help . . . anything is possible.