It’s NOT About How Things Look or Is It?
Last week I wrote a post titled, Loving Day – Love Knows No Color. It quickly became one of my top posts receiving many likes, shares, and visits.
Something I wrote rattled around in my head all weekend. I’m a little surprised no one said anything which I hope means you all took it the way it was intended, but . . . well, let’s talk.
This is the picture and the words I wrote beneath it:
I can’t imagine living at a time when my family couldn’t look like this.
My family isn’t about how it looks.
It is about who we are and how we love.
Too many decisions are made and too many opinions are formed
based on the way things look.
God wants us to love our neighbor the way we love ourselves, but
we make quick decisions to love (or not love) based on appearances
and we justify it by saying, “I can’t help who I love.”
I’m not talking romance.
I’m talking about care and compassion, kindness and friendship.
Be honest –
You make snap judgments about people based on their
weight
clothes
cleanliness
hairstyle
possessions
and
friends.
I’m ashamed to admit I’m guilty and I bet you are too.
“Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.”
~ Jesus, John 7:24
10 questions to challenge you (and me).
1. Do you assume obese people lack discipline?
2. Do you assume misbehaving children are always the result of poor parenting ?
3. Do you assume people with luxury cars and designer clothes are wealthy?
4. Do you assume homeless people are addicted to drugs or alcohol?
5. Do you assume happy Facebook posts come from happy people?
6. Do you judge judgmental people?
7. Do you urge your children to hang out with “popular kids.”
8. Do you discipline your children based on what others might think?
9. Do you stereotype people based on their appearance?
10. Do you value yourself based on how you and/or your family appears?
10 Ways to Love Better and Stop Judging
1. Look everyone in the eye.
2. Acknowledge people and say ‘hello’ to them.
(But but not at the expense of the people with you.)
3. Do random acts of kindness.
4. Don’t judge people especially in front of your children.
5. Communicate – that means talk and listen to others.
6. Don’t compare your children’s grades and accomplishments with other moms.
7. Don’t buy stuff to make your children popular.
8. Get to know your children’s friends.
9. Help your family focus more on health than appearance.
10. Stop making generalizations. Seriously – STOP.
“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up God’s Law and Prophets and this is what you get.” Matthew 7:12, The Golden Rule in The Message.
Let’s talk: Do you think society has a serious problem with looks? How do you discourage this in your family? Do you think it’s a problem in our churches? What’s the answer?
Please share your thoughts, and watch for a follow-up post in the near future.
Thank you so much for this.
You are most welcome, Jennifer. Thank you for visiting. May you enjoy a blessing-filled day!
In some ways, yes I do think society has a big problem with looks. I think fashion and fads direct people’s decisions way too much, and I’m not just talking about clothing. We discourage the problem first by talking about it pretty openly, then by living the example as parents of not focusing too much on our own appearance and how things look and then by accepting others as they are. It might be a problem in some churches, but I don’t see it as a huge problem in mine. One reason I love my church is the acceptance of people who are all very different. Our church is known for the love it shows people, so it’s apparently obvious to others as well. The answer is truly loving, God first then others as self. Focusing there is where we’ll find the solution.
Kari, You have a wonderful perspective on this. Talking about it is huge. When we talk about the things we have in common, our differences aren’t a problem. You are blessed to be in a church that is loving and accepting. That is my prayer for the church at large . . . and it begins with each of us.
Those are great questions to ask ourselves…and wonderful tips to help us love better. I do think society as a whole (don’t want to generalize here…lol) does have a problem with looks. We are attracted to attractive people – and whatever we think is attractive. But, one thing I have learned over the years is that the old adage of “First impressions stick with you” is not true. I used to believe that once people met me, they’d think of me that same way forever. (and Visa Versa) But, I have discovered that when you look beneath the exterior of someone, you discover their true attractiveness. It is a tricky thing to learn, especially since we are very visual creatures and we associate certain looks with certain other traits. But, once we can look beyond what we “see”, we can love like Jesus.
Blessings, Joan
I generalize all the time Joan. You’re safe here. 😉
But I agree, we too often rush to categorize people and it’s not fair and most importantly it’s not loving or Christ-like. And truthfully it’s hard to overcome because much of our conversation is about how things look. I’m always amazed at how much time is spent discussing celebrities appearance after an awards show. You’re right, true attractiveness is the beauty of what a person carries inside not out.
Very insightful. I think I get judged because of my weight. Many do not understand my weight issues are caused by my disability and not laziness. I also get caught up in judging others though. This is a great check point list to check your heart! Thanks for sharing.
Hi Mary, I’m sorry for the unfair judgment you’ve received from others. I struggled with weight issues in my 20’s and remember many unkind comments. We don’t have any idea how much other people are struggling. They need our love, support, and a listening ear . . . not our condemnation. Keeping you in prayer.
Deb, what great questions you have presented here! I could meditate on these for quite a while before they were digested and became a part of my conscious acts. Sadly, we, as a society, do judge people by their appearances which makes it hard to make friends at times even in church. The aspect I have the most trouble with those is not how people look but how they act. Their character and their actions can really turn me away. It’s probably the area where God needs to work the most on in me.
So glad to visit you here. I was next to you at Woman 2 Woman.
Blessings,
Janis
You can’t imagine a time when your family couldn’t look like that?
How do you think gay families feel today?
You have the right to marry and breed with who you wish, but they are still persecuted and not allowed this same freedom.
Just some food for thought.