The Best Way to Keep Your Love On and Improve Your Relationships
Last week I wrote my Personal Mission Statement.
In a nutshell my mission is – Love the Lord God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and love my neighbor as I love myself.Mark 12:30–31
I used to love from a place of weakness and fear. What do I mean? I believed I had to keep the people I loved happy or feared I would lose their love. That’s impossible and exhausting.
When I started reading Danny Silk’s book, Keep Your Love On last week . . . I was struck by words which said—true love comes from a place of power.
What?
Powerful people don’t feel the need to control situations by either controlling others or by allowing others to control them.
“Powerful people know it is their job to control themselves. They consciously and deliberately create the environment in which they want to live.”
“As powerful people consistently act in responsible, respectful, and loving ways, it becomes clear that the only people who can get close to them are those who know how to show respect, be responsible, and love well.”
You and I don’t have to manipulate, control, or cave . . . we can simply set the tone. This is how I will consistently treat you and this is how I expect you to consistently treat me. I choose love.
This works in every relationship.
- Spouse
- Sibling
- Parent/Child
- Child/Parent
- Friend
- Coworker
- Stranger
Act responsibly. Treat everyone with love and respect. Expect everyone to treat you with the same love and respect.
If someone chooses to be unloving and disrespectful; you can choose to give them space until they are ready to be kind. Can you imagine? No yelling. No pouting. No withdrawal of affection. Just an atmosphere of understanding and respect.
You may be thinking, “That’s great if both parties are willing, but if not…”
And you’re right. That’s harder. But if you are consistent to say, “Let’s talk about this in a little while after we both calm down. I love you. Nothing will stop that. I believe we can work this out without hurting each other.” Then take some time to breathe deeply and pray.
Now for the really good news…
I learned all that in the first chapter.
Other chapters talk about:
The Battle Between Fear and Love
Building Healthy Relationships
Communicating in Conflict
Guidelines for Setting Boundaries
Just to name a few.
Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk
Favorite Quotes from Keep Your Love On
[Tweet “”It’s not my job to change you. It’s my job to love you.””]
“The First Goal of Conversation: Understanding, not Agreement”
“The more others encounter us honoring the boundaries we have set for
our lives, the more they will know that they can trust us with their lives.”
“You can start practicing the skills of assertive communication by
paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and needs and
respecting their value. Then start doing the same for other people.”
This is because fear and love are enemies. They come from two
opposing kingdoms. Fear comes from the devil, who would like
nothing more than to keep you permanently disconnected and isolated.
Love comes from God, who is always working to heal and restore
your connection with Him and other people and bring you
into healthy, life-giving relationships.”
Danny and Sheri Silk
Danny and Sheri are the founders of
Love On Purpose Ministries,
a ministry to families and communities worldwide.
They have been married over 28 years,
have three children and three grandchildren.
I was given a copy of this book for review, but all opinions are my own.
Finally…
“Keep Your Love On reveals the higher, Jesus-focused standard defined by mature love—love that stays ‘on’ no matter what.”
Sounds like a book I may want to look into.
The worst advice ever given to me which I glibly bought into is that I could change someone through my influence. Needless to say, when that failed, I felt I was the failure. So glad those days are far, far behind me . . .
Yes, we must first powerfully love ourselves so that we can, in turn, love others. Thanks for this inspiration, Deb!
I Love, love, love this book! It forever changed my life and my people pleasing issues. Plus we used Danny’s material this year at our church’s couples retreat, so my husband and I read and studied it together, even more powerful!