How to Reject the “Good Girl” Lie and Live Free

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The enemy of God's children wants them to believe they're good and God's holding out on them. But by God's grace, I found the truth to live free and forgiven. #Jesus #BibleStudy #Faith #Blessings #WWGGG

When I was a little girl, a look of disappointment or disapproval was the only thing my parents or teachers needed to do to change my attitude and behavior.

Yep, I am a firstborn people-pleaser!

Even as a teen and young adult, I carefully evaluated my words and actions and did what I could to avoid any and all choices that had potentially negative consequences.

Looking back, I think most of my friends thought I was boring.

I guess I was.

For the most part, it worked for me.

Except for the fact that fear makes a lousy motivator and it’s impossible to live free when we’re bound by fear.

My story would be easier to tell if I could say that it was my desire to honor and glorify God by obeying His commands and following His will that inspired me. But…

The enemy is a great deceiver. He loves to find anything he can to get God’s children to doubt their Father’s love, care, and provision.

For me, it all started with my heart’s desire.

The Bible says,

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 34:7

I’m a pastor’s wife, teacher, student of the Bible, and I’ve always believed in Jesus as my Savior . . . doesn’t that equal “delighting” in the Lord?

Why wasn’t God giving me the desire of my heart?

Maybe you can relate.

You’ve prayed and waited for:

  • a spouse
  • a child
  • healing
  • a job
  • a home
  • friends
  • etc.

And like me, maybe it’s been a year, two, five . . . or longer, and your heart is crying as the wait continues.

That’s when the enemy approached me through the words of a friend.

“You’re not fun anymore.”
“God’s not going to…”
“You need to…”

Words I desperately wanted to hear … so, like Eve, I grabbed hold of that fruit and took a big ol’ bite!

But unlike Eve, I didn’t pay the consequences right away.

I got what I wanted. My prayers were answered and life seemed perfect!

I even convinced myself that my actions were all part of God’s plan for me and for my family.

But then the perfect crashed and burned.

I’m not going to share the details of our story with you, they’re not really important. What is important is the way God used it all to work a miracle in my life and teach me the truth about His forgiveness and love. He offered me the grace I needed to live free!

The enemy of God's children wants them to believe they're good and God's holding out on them. But by God's grace, I found the truth to live free and forgiven. #Jesus #BibleStudy #Faith #Blessings #WWGGG

The Vision that Changed it All.

God allowed me to see myself standing at the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil in the center of the Garden. I heard Satan’s hissed words, “Did God really say?” And I believed his lie that God’s “no” was not out of love but because He was holding out on me.

My inner “good girl” flattened. There I was with a half-eaten piece of fruit in my hand, humbled, broken, hurting, and in need of forgiveness. I’d always known I was a sinner but I guess in reality I’d never thought of myself as being that bad.

Suddenly I realized what a poor miserable unworthy sinner I was and all I could say was…

“Father, please forgive me!”

And the Lord, so rich in love, grace, and mercy, led me with apple in hand to the foot of the cross.

If we confess our sins, He will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done.

1 John 1:9

Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

Luke 7:48

But with You there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve You.

Psalm 130:4

I have tears in my eyes as I type this. I’m so overwhelmed by God’s undeserved grace offered in and through Jesus.

My inner “good girl” was full of self-righteousness but in a moment I became a humbly forgiven “redeemed girl” … surrendered and able to live free.

Free of the past failures and free of fear disappointment and disapproval in the future.

God’s grace really is enough.

He said to me, “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.” So I am very happy to brag about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can live in me. For this reason I am happy when I have weaknesses, insults, hard times, sufferings, and all kinds of troubles for Christ. Because when I am weak, then I am truly strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 (NCV)
The enemy of God's children wants them to believe they're good and God's holding out on them. But by God's grace, I found the truth to live free and forgiven. #Jesus #BibleStudy #Faith #Blessings #WWGGG

Friend, whatever past regrets or problems you’re dealing with today . . . God’s grace is enough. It’s enough to forgive you, enough to give you courage and strength, and enough to give you freedom as you do your best to live for His glory.

Satan will still tempt us. He will still lie and do whatever he can to deafeat us…

The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.

John 10:10a

His message has been the same since the Garden, but there’s Good News…

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.

John 10:10b

We have the Good News that God’s promises are forever and always greater than the enemy’s lies.

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave His one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent His Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through Him.

John 3:16–17

Jesus has defeated that lying cheating enemy!

So, everyone…

For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.

Romans 3:23

Can be forgiven.

Then He [Jesus] opened their minds to understand the Scriptures. And He said, “Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day. It was also written that this message would be proclaimed in the authority of His name to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent.'”

Luke 24:45–47

I love the following quote…

“To win the war against fear, we must know the true God as He is revealed in the Bible. He works to give us lasting peace. He receives joy, not from condemning us but in rescuing us from the devil. Yes, the Lord will bring conviction to our hearts concerning sin, but it is so He can deliver us from sin’s power and consequences. In its place, the Lord works to establish healing, forgiveness, and peace.” ~ Francis Frangipane

How to Reject the “Good Girl” Lie and Live Free

  1. Know that satan is always at work tempting you to doubt God’s love and saving grace. He will lie to you to steal the truth, kill your faith, and destroy your relationship with the Lord.
  2. Accept the truth that you have taken a bite of the fruit satan offered but God is faithfully inviting you to carry it to the foot of the cross. He longs to forgive and give you everything you need to live for His glory.
  3. Live confident that you are forgiven and free to live no longer a slave to satan’s lies of guilt from a broken past but released to use your new life for God’s glory without fear of the future.

Although the enemy is relentless he is defeated. Jesus won the victory and by His grace you and I can reject his lies and live … forgiven and free.

So, from one surrendered and redeemed “good girl” (or “good boy”) to another! Stop today and celebrate God’s grace, remember His immeasurable love, and live FREE!

So if the Son makes you free, you will be truly free.


We have freedom now because Christ made us free. So stand strong. Do not change and go back into the slavery of the law.

John 8:36, Galatians 5:1 (NCV)

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29 thoughts on “How to Reject the “Good Girl” Lie and Live Free

  1. Such powerful words of witness you have shared here today, Deb. I can definitely identify with the “good girl” syndrome; took lots of trust in God, with fruit in hand, to shed myself of that lie. Thanking God today for His grace and forgiveness.

    1. Thank you, Martha! I am so very blessed by your kindness. Thanks for faithfully joining me here. You truly are a blessing! Hugs to you!

  2. I just want to thank you so much for your posts, you have such a gift of being able to relate to people and just so many issues in each of our lives. I, too, are a people pleaser. I used to think, that’s a really good thing. I am a nurse, and I do have a servants heart, And I feel as though I’m serving in love, but sometimes maybe I am pleasing someone out of fear. Thank you for your message.

    1. Thank you so much, Sonjie! I am so very blessed by your kind encouragement. It is something we can only balance by keeping our focus on Jesus. Having a servant’s heart is so important. I believe the Lord will help you find the balance you need to enjoy the freedom He wants for you. God bless you!

    1. Thank you, Girlfriend! Lived with that fear for so long! What a blessing to know that God is able to deliver us from that as well. We can live in freedom! Glory! Blessings and hugs!

  3. Such an encouraging post, Deb! We have to be in the habit of running to our safety, which is in God’s Word! It is in His truth that we can squash the lies!! Hallelujah 🙌

  4. What an excellent, encouraging post. Yes, we all take a bite once in a while. I love how you mentioned to carry it to the foot of the cross. I am going to ponder that in my prayer time with God this morning.


    1. Thank you, Maree! I am so thankful God allows us to bring it all to the cross and be blessed by all we have through Jesus. Thanks so much for visiting. God bless you, my friend!

  5. This is so beautiful. I resonated with so much of this girl, and I am working through not being what I think is the right way, and then getting angry and disappointed. Instead. I am submitting myself to God’s way.

    1. Hi Brittany, that has become my goal as well. Trusting His truth and living under His freedom! There is no more joyful or peaceful way to live. God bless you, my friend!

    1. Carolyn, thank you so much for letting me this blessed you and that I’m not alone in this struggle. May God bless you with the joy of living in freedom!

  6. Recovering perfectionist here. I don’t think a person can really understand grace until they are in desperate need of it. But what a beautiful thing to experience!

    1. I think there are many of us in that club! And I agree, until we see our need and surrender our mess … we will always be bound to the lie! Thanks so much for stopping by and for joining the conversation! Thanks so much!

  7. Love this Deb. As a counselor, I find, so many women have trouble seeing past the ‘good girl’ and breaking free to be who God created them to be. In Him, there is freedom. Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks, Kris! It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that struggle. It took me way too long to learn the truth and enjoy the blessing of freedom. I sure do appreciate your kind encouragement. God bless you!

  8. Very Powerful post Deb! I, like you, get told often I am too serious all the time. As a matter of fact in high school I was super shy and even to this day when I go to KY to visit my family if I run into an old classmate they’ll say Angie, you were the girl that never spoke to anyone. Lol. I reply Yes that’s me. Not long after high school I got married and found myself in a very abusive marriage for almost 15 years so I can relate to Fear as well. Thanks for being open, honest, and vulnerable because in my opinion these are the types of posts people need more than ever.

    1. I am so blessed by your kind encouragement, Angie! I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. Praying God fills you with joy and surrounds you with people who make you laugh! We quiet serious girls can absolutely thrive in a setting of love and laughter. God bless you!

  9. A wonderful message as I too have always been a people pleaser.

    I look forward to your posts !! Praise God!!

    1. Thank you so very much, Charlesetta! I’m so glad it blessed you! Thanks for visiting and for leaving your kind encouragement. God bless you!

  10. I am a sufferer of the good girl syndrome too. I pray God brings me to a place of freedom as you’ve talked about experiencing!

    1. Hi, Jessica. I’m praying and asking God to give you His freedom and peace . . . that you might find the freedom to love and serve Him and release your fear of rejection and the need to please the people around you. I’m still a work in progress but God is patient and gracious. And I believe He wants to give us everything we need to live free in His love. God bless you!

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