The 5 Most Important Reasons Relationships Fail


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Relationships are necessary messy blessings. Do you know the most important reasons relationships fail?

I guess that’s why I wanted to write about relationships this year.

Relationships are necessary messy blessings.

God made us to live connected.

God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.”  Genesis 2:18 (MSG)

Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NCV)

And we know it’s true. We feel better when our relationships are strong, healthy, and happy.

But then there’s this…

Remember this! In the last days, there will be many troubles, because people will love themselves, love money, brag, and be proud. They will say evil things against others and will not obey their parents or be thankful or be the kind of people God wants. They will not love others, will refuse to forgive, will gossip, and will not control themselves. They will be cruel, will hate what is good, will turn against their friends, and will do foolish things without thinking. They will be conceited, will love pleasure instead of God, and will act as if they serve God but will not have His power. 2 Timothy 3:1–5 (NCV)

Is it any wonder people have always believed they were living in “the last days?” And in many ways, we are … not knowing the day or time Jesus will return but knowing we are closer now than we were yesterday, last month or last year.

Since Adam and Eve were banished from the garden and their firstborn son killed his brother people have had trouble getting along with one another.

But I wonder…

Is it just me, or does it seem like things are getting worse?

I don’t really have any evidence, except for the hurting people I see personally, on social media, and splashed across every news report.

Although Scripture talks about the importance of loving like Jesus and gives us clear guidelines to follow, Christians are falling short, too.

Marriages end. Families fall apart. Friendships fail. Groups protest and riot. Churches split. Relationships fail. 

How I wish I could wave a magic wand and heal the brokenness.

Since I don’t have that power, I will do what I am able…

I will pray!

And I will write!

The Reasons Relationships Fail and 5 things you can do to prevent it. #Blessings #Relationships

The 5 Most Important Reasons Relationships Fail

1. People are selfish.

We want things done our way on our timetable. I get it. You and I look at like from the inside out. Everything is filtered through “self.” It’s easy to become selfish. And if you spend 5 minutes with a toddler, you’ll quickly learn we come into the world that way. It takes an intentional change in attitude to follow God’s better way…

Be Unselfish

Where jealousy and selfishness are, there will be confusion and every kind of evil. But the wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle, and easy to please. This wisdom is always ready to help those who are troubled and to do good for others. It is always fair and honest. James 3:16–17 (NCV)

2. People are prideful and stubborn.

I’m right! You’re wrong! It’s that simple.

Of course, everyone believes they’re right. If everyone would just see and do things “my way” the world would be sooooo much better. But so much of what we “know” and believe has been filtered through the lens of our personal experiences.

Which is why God told His children to…

Be Humble

Always be humble and gentle. Ephesians 4:2a

3. People are quick to judge.

I can’t believe. How could you?! I would never!

Yeah, that!

You and I can be so quick to judge a person’s motives without knowing their heart. The truth is you and I don’t want to have assumptions made about us. We hate when judgment falls on us. God’s love is tender and merciful…

Be Merciful

All of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Ephesians 4:2b (NCV)

Give love and mercy the same as your Father gives love and mercy. Luke 6:36 (ERV)

4. People are self-righteous.

I get it, there are just some things that are hard to forgive. Some offenses cut too deep but when you and I really stop to remember all that God has forgiven in us . . . well, with His help we can forgive anything…

Be Forgiving

Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:#2

5. People fail to listen to each other.

I’m a talker and I’m opinionated. I always have something to say. In fact, if I said everything that popped into my head … let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pretty. Honestly, it’s a good thing people can’t read my mind and the One who can, well — He hears a lot of confessed repentance over many an unspoken thought.

Can you imagine how our relationships would improve if we listened with compassion before we spoke in anger? If we made understanding a priority?

Be a listener

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. James 1:19–20 (NCV)
 Since Adam and Eve were banished from the garden and their firstborn son killed his brother people have experienced relationship fails. We need help! #Blessings #Relationships

Now, I can almost hear you saying, “Yeah but you don’t know_________.”

And I get completely understand. Really, I do!

I have had my own relationships fail!

But even though you and I can’t change someone else, we aren’t helpless. With God’s help, we can be changed.

I can’t change you but I can change me.

My prayer is with God’s help I will become more and more unselfish, humble, merciful, and forgiving. And that I will listen for greater understanding to the thoughts, opinions, and experiences of others and most importantly to His Word that I might know His truth for relationships and for life.

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  1. Sheneequa Bishop says:

    For a long time I had low self-esteem. My Low self-esteem stemmed from my peers calling me ugly when I was young, and being rejected by guys that I crushed on in school. I’ve always been the girl that everyone looked down on, guys never looked my way because I didn’t have what everyone else had and I didn’t look how all the other girls looked. I just wanted to share a little piece of me with you! I really enjoy your blog and Articles!

    1. I’m so sorry, Sheneequa! Growing up can be hard and our peers can be so hurtful. I’m sorry you’ve been left carrying that sadness. You are so very loved by God and He made you for His plans and purposes. It may be this very struggle is the thing He will help you use in the lives of others. I’m praying for you! God bless! <3

  2. Deb, this is such great insight from the Word with truths to help us navigate friendships and relationships of all kinds. I really appreciate your thoughts and the Bible verses you shared here, some of which I really need to take into consideration for myself. Thank you!

    1. I’m so glad you found this helpful, Leslie! Relationships can be so complicated and worrisome. I need a daily reminder of God’s will and constant help to navigate all the personalities around me. So, thankful for His faithfulness and for your kind encouragement. God bless you!

  3. This is good. People are the problem and will become more problematic BUT we can choose to control ourselves.
    Such deep truths shared in such a simple format. Thank you.

    1. Thanks, Nylse! I so often wish I could change the person with whom I’m struggling. I needed this reminder myself. So glad it blessed you, too! Blessings and hugs!

  4. April Boyer says:

    “necessary messy blessings”! Some blessings are like that! I know relationships are messy. If they were not, and everything was just rosy- we’d make no progress in improving ourselves or reaching out to others. This is a great list.

    1. Amen, April! What a great point! God uses all the messiness to help us learn and grow! God’s blessings!

  5. There is so much division in this country, I wish everyone who was quick to answer, full of self-righteousness, and angry toward a brother or sister could read your words here, Deb. We can only overcome our own selfish desires with God’s help. May we submit our wills to His each day.

    1. I agree, Martha! We could be doing so much better. Something I continue to pray about. Oh, how we need Jesus! Blessings my friend! Hope your Wednesday is beautiful!!

  6. I loved this post. I really needed to read this. It’s easier to blame everybody else for the relationship problems, and it’s really hard to accept that I too have a lot of issues and defects that I need to work with.
    Thanl you!