You Need God’s Fierce Love When You’re Broken
If you’d known me growing up you would have seen a girl who could comfortably play the piano and organ in front of large groups of people, who could stand in front of groups and give presentations with little to no fear, and who thrived on memorizing lines and performing in plays and musicals.
If you’d only looked at those moments you would have described me as fearless.
But…
If you sat down and talked with me, you would have met someone who specialized in fear and insecurity.
I did great in front of a crowd but face to face I was timid and shy. I believed people would like what I did, but didn’t believe they would like me.
Although I tried to fake my fear and insecurity around my children if you asked them . . . I’m not sure I succeeded.
When my friend, Shannon Geurin, asked me to write a guest post about being a fierce woman of God I was at a loss for words. (I know, that NEVER happens.)
I asked Rev, and he listed off a few events where God gave me strength but as I sat down to write about them . . . I just couldn’t do it. I’m not strong. I’m a mess. I’m broken.
And I need God’s fierce love…
You Need God’s Fierce Love When You’re Broken
I thought I could write about this. No problem.
Then I sat and stared at my keyboard. I’d write a few sentences and then hit delete. Try a few more. Nope. And this went on for hours.
I finally realized the problem…
I am not fierce.
Oh sure, I’ve had my moments of fierceness. I’ll fight like anything for my husband, kiddos, or grandkids. But I don’t want to talk about those moments because well, I don’t really like to talk about myself unless I’m being self-effacing.
It’s easy for me to talk about my problem with procrastination or how much I hate to clean. And don’t ask me to do anything outside, I mean really . . . hasn’t anyone ever told you there are bugs and dirt out there?
I can talk about growing up with chronic fear or living with anxiety. I can even tell you what it’s like to live with secondary infertility, be rejected by your child, or lose your best friend.
You see, I’m a mess.
I know what it’s like to lie curled up on my bed sobbing until it feels like every drop of moisture has been cried out. What it’s like to feel broken beyond repair.
No, I’m not fierce.
But…
I know someone who is.
God has always been fierce. My Father has always fought for me.
Much of my life I foolishly thought I had to do it right. Deep down I believed God’s unconditional love was just a little bit conditional. So, I did everything within my ability to be a “good girl.”
It took an oversized painful brokenness for me to really receive God’s unconditional perfect fierce love.
I hated the process, but it’s what God used to show me His power and ability to makeover my broken life. I went from fear to faith, from anxiety to anticipation, from broken to blessed.
Do you know what it’s like to be a broken mess? Wanting to be fierce and fearless but knowing deep down your biggest fight is with fear itself? If so, go with me to Shannon Geurin’s to learn more about how God’s fierce love was the answer to my brokenness.
I’m so blessed to be guest posting at Shannon’s. She is a dear friend who is Fiercely His. I know you will love her just as much as I do.
And…
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Dear Deb … it’s so good to run into you again … I so appreciate your take on fear and anxiety … and God’s invitation in the midst of it all …
Looks like we’re musing on the same challenges these days. I always love when that happens!
Summertime blessings to you …
I love that too, Linda! When God affirms what He’s teaching me in the hearts of others. So great to hear from you! Thanks for stopping to say ‘hi.’ Many blessings to you!
Thank you for your willingness to share this story with all of us, dearest Deb. It took an extremely painful brokenness for me to actually understand the depths of God’s love for me and what it meant to be His daughter. So thankful for His goodness and strength when we are weak. His love covers all!
I hated the process of brokenness, but God bringing to this place through it . . . best thing that has ever happened to me. His loving grace and mercy filled the gap and healed my heart. I am so very thankful for Him. I love when friends share how God has worked in them as well. Thanks for blessing me with a taste of your story. <3
I have only been following your blog for a relatively short time. And really, all I can do is thank you so much for sharing! It’s like a like on the path walking right now. Today’s post especially. So, thank you again, for passionately finding a way to share.
Thank you, Jen, for stopping to tell me this has encouraged you! It’s why I passionately write every day. His grace has covered my broken mess and I have to tell everyone who He can make all the difference for them as well.
Beautiful, Deb. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing a truth that so many women can identify with!
Hugs,
Lori
Thank you, Lori! You are such a blessing to me!!
By allowing yourself to be vulnerable and candid, Deb, you have touched those of us who truly have trouble realizing that we don’t need to be fierce, for God will fight those battles for us. I used to be in the same boat, thinking that performance gave me the edge. It never can with God, for nothing we will ever do can change His great love for us.
Blessings!
That is my prayer, Martha! I don’t want people to see me, I want them to see Jesus. The miraculous ways He is able to turn a life around. I am so blessed and thankful!!
Beautifully said, Deb! I can relate to every word. And I’m also so thankful for Jehovah Sabaoth ~ the Lord of Hosts. He is the one David called upon when he faced Goliath. He fought for David – and He fights for us! Thank you for this reminder. We are #FiercelyHis! I am blessed to be in your company on Shannon’s series – and can’t wait to read more of your powerful and beautiful words!
So good, Deb. I think this same idea goes back to what God keeps teaching me–it’s not that I have to get stronger, it’s that I more fully rely on His strength. I’m not going to counteract my brokenness or the brokenness of others, but His love meets us and transforms. Thanks for this, Deb!
It is when we need it the most indeed. Beautiful as always. 🙂
I went from fear to faith, from anxiety to anticipation, from broken to blessed. So true, and I love the scripture you share with this message of hope!
This image of God’s love as fierce and unconditional is something every woman needs to be able to grasp. It’s something I’m still trying to wrap my head around and so love this imagery!