How to Bless Your Marriage by Being a Humble Spouse


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Are you a humble spouse? Questions to ask to help you know. No one is humble consistently but keep trying it will bless your marriage.

Are you a humble spouse?

Is your spouse humble?

No one is humble consistently but let’s talk about why it’s important. So, let me ask you again…

Are you a humble spouse?

It seems like a trick question, doesn’t it?

If you answered, “yes, I am” –  we probably need to talk.
If “no,” – there’s hope.
If you answered, “I’m not as humble as I want to be but God is helping me work on it.” – Congratulations! 

You’re right where you should be.

We’re all works in progress when it comes to being humble in our marriages . . . and most other things, too!

If you’re like me when it comes to being humble, some days I’m just tired and cranky. Some days I don’t feel well and don’t have the energy it takes. And some days every person in the house is on my last nerve. I love them but, oooh…..

Then honestly there are just some days when I want to win.

Setting self aside to nurture and serve our spouse is hard. Especially on days when we’re doing it all or we feel under-appreciated.

There is nothing like living with someone, even if we’re related to them, to challenge our good intentions to love well and practice humility.

I’ve tried to think of some examples of showing humility from our marriage. It’s hard. Telling you anything I’ve done doesn’t seem like humility.

Here let me tell you how humble I am! Nope, that just doesn’t work.

So, I asked Rev if he could think of an example of a time when we both showed humble love.


Are you a humble spouse? Questions to ask to help you know. No one is humble consistently but keep trying it will bless your marriage.

We decided to tell you about our dogs.  Doesn’t everyone love a good dog story?

A Tale of Four Dogs

I am a puppy lover! Big time! Especially little fur-balls that don’t shed and love to curl up in your lap.

Rev likes dogs okay but prefers his animals outside.

We got our first dog for our third Christmas as a married couple. I called Rev from the mall while looking at a boy with a box of “free puppies” and said, “I’ve found what I want for Christmas and it’s free!” We’d been trying to get pregnant for almost a year and I was getting more than a little emotional about it. How could he say “no?”

Our second dog came home as Rev was preparing for a fund-raising event where he was going to run from Cleveland to Detroit in 10 days. (A story for another day.) I told him if he was going to be gone for two weeks running along the sides of roads, the kids and I needed a dog. Again, how could he say “no?”

Our third dog was purchased to help our youngest with her struggle with night terrors. Again my idea. The dog helped. The night terrors stopped, but that’s all I can say for the dog. She was a Bichon . . . the runt of the litter, without smarts and with an attitude. When she died at the age of 14 Rev had had enough.

Can you blame him?

Those above examples are not times when my humility was in play. I wanted a dog and I wanted to win.

It’s no surprise that I was ready for our fourth dog waaaaay before Rev. He needed a break and I needed to respect his wishes. I needed humble love.

So we waited.

The humble part was not in the waiting, it was in not nagging asking him about it. And for Rev humble love was the promise that the wait wouldn’t last too long.

Three years later . . . I did some research—found the breed and the breeder. Rev picked the puppy and the name.

Sadie at 12 Weeks
Sadie at 12 Weeks

That was three years ago. Sadie is the perfect fit! He’s crazy about her and so am I.

What’s the point?

Humility in marriage shows itself in taking the time to get to know the little things about your spouse. It shows itself in compromise and in the little ways you offer love. It shows itself in sacrifice and service.

So, let me ask you another question.

Are you a humble spouse?

Questions to Ask Yourself to Know if You’re a Humble Spouse

  1. Are you free with compliments and encouragement?
  2. Do you quickly ask for forgiveness?
  3. Do you criticize and point out your spouse’s faults often?
  4. Are you willing to compromise?
  5. Do you listen to understand or to win?
  6. Are you respectful of your spouse’s feelings?
  7. Do you forgive your spouse quickly and easily?
  8. Are you willing to pray more than you complain to your spouse?
  9. Do you have to win every argument?
  10. Are you appreciative? Do you say “thank you.”
  11. Do you make small gestures that will make your spouse happy?
  12. Are you kind?

I’m sure the list could go on and on but I think you get the idea.

Now for those of you thinking, “Yea but you haven’t met my selfish spouse.”

I’ll say, “You’re right, I haven’t. And I’m sorry.”

Ideally, both spouse’s want to humbly love the other. It’s much harder when that’s not the case. If you’re married to a prideful selfish spouse . . . pray. Pray like crazy. I’m praying for you as I type this and I’m asking God to work in your marriage and meet your every need.

One more important thing to remember…

Neither you nor your spouse will be perfectly humble. No one gets it right every day. But if you’re both working at it, if you’re both pursuing and practicing humility it will bless you marriage. I promise.

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  1. I love the post, but those last paragraphs really got to me. I’m so thankful to have a spouse who will join me in seeking to express humble love. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have to always take the “high road” and possibly get nothing in return. Sure, we both struggle at various times with this, but we want the same thing. I’m so thankful to my God for that! Good post, Deb. Thank you.

    1. Thank you, Jason! I agree, it’s a huge blessing to be in a marriage where both people want to serve and bless each other. Like you, I consider myself very blessed!

  2. Love the dog stories, Deb!
    Animals do make things fun and crazy, don’t they!
    Love your newest dog. What a cutie!
    Thanks for the reminder to serve each other humbly in marriage~

    1. We love her! She was totally worth the wait! Thanks, Melanie!

  3. Someone has to say it Deb: “Of course I’m a humble spouse. Awful proud of it also.” Yeah…I know. I wish I could say I have always been a humble spouse-one who took his mate’s needs over his own. I can’t. Like many I wish I had these lessons so much sooner in life and in our marriage. But it is never too late. Thanks for the encouragement Deb.

    1. Thanks for the grins, Bill! You’re right it’s never too late and always something to work on. Blessings!

  4. Since Danny and I had previously experienced marriages that were less than ideal, when we came together, there were so many of the tips you posted above that came naturally for us. Neither of us like to start conflict, not just with each other, but with anyone if we can avoid it. We do take time to let one another know how much we love and appreciate all the little things about each other. I’m happy to say it’s a win-win all around.
    Oh, and I wouldn’t mind having another dog or a cat even, but I’m respecting Danny’s wishes – no more pets!
    Blessings, Deb!

    1. Rev and I dislike conflict too! And good for you on the no pet thing. I lasted three years without, but I’m glad Rev was finally ready. And thankfully, Sadie has completely turned him into a dog lover. At least this dog! Blessings to you!!

  5. Sadie is an adorable dog and I loved your story. I have a long way to go in being a humble spouse. I think my husband is more humble than me and I get my own way a lot. I’m working on it, though.

    1. Thanks, Dawn. I used to think I gave in a lot. Then I realized that was only true on things I didn’t care about that much. On the big things that mattered to me, ooooh I could be stubborn. I’m working on it too, Dawn. I think that’s the goal. Never giving up! Blessings my friend!

  6. Deb, I loved you dog story. In our house I was the reluctant one to get a dog. Our first experience had not turned out well. When my husband said he really wanted one, I said then I wanted to be a part of the decision. We researched temperaments and types and breeders. We had Corrie, our yellow lab, for 14.5 years, and we both loved her.

  7. I know I’m not humble enough. My pride rears its ugly head too often and always wreaks havoc when it does. Thanks for the list of questions; they are helpful.

  8. oh. my. stars! Sadie is so stinkin’ cute! Melt my heart! Deb, I am loving this series! The questions are great – a very good list to go over more than once to keep our humility meter in check!

  9. Oh boy, I have a dog story I would love to forget!!! It only took one time for me to learn my lesson. It was years before we had another dog, but my husband saw how much I wanted a dog two years ago and took a precious Brittany Spaniel that was offered to him. Thank you for this reminder of being humble in our marriage. Thanks for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.

    1. Sounds like we’ve both learned some marriage humility the hard way. 🙂 I love Brittany Spaniels. They’re beautiful! Sadie is a Cavalier/Poodle mix. Thankful for patient husbands! Blessings to you, Lori!

  10. Thanks. It was such a blessing just in the right time. I used to be humble but then i tried competing with my husband. If he did something i did not agree with i then had to do the same. Eventually things got out of hand. I have failed him and my daughter. My marriage was about to reach its end. Now reading this, made me realize i need to go back and be the same woman he fell in love with.
    Thank you

    1. Iris, what a humble and honest comment. God bless you! May He meet every need and draw you and your husband close to one another again!