How to Have Patience Where You Need it Most

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Home is where you can relax and be yourself. It's also the place where you need the most patience. It's not easy. Here are some things I think will help.

Home – the place you can let relax and be yourself.

And because everyone is relaxed and just being themselves.

Home is also the place where you need the most patience.

Seriously . . . no one can try your patience like the people you live with.

Isn’t it interesting that patience and kindness are the first words Paul used to explain love?

Love is patient and kind. 1 Corinthians 13:4

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone . . . living with them can and will test your patience at times.

So, you and I have to choose…

Will we give in and live irritated and annoyed?


Love well with patience and kindness?

How to Have Patience Where You Need it Most – at Home

Home is where you can relax and be yourself. It's also the place where you need the most patience. It's not easy. Here are some things I think will help.

1. Patience does not mean constantly stuffing frustration. But it will help you choose your battles with cautious wisdom. It will also help you focus on the present, not on everything that annoyed you the past two weeks or longer.

“If something doesn’t work exactly right, or maybe needs some special treatment, you don’t just throw it away. Everything can’t be fully operational all the time. Sometimes, we need to have the patience to give something the little nudge it needs.” ~Sarah Dessen

2. Patience means using your words—kindly. You know that old saying about disagreeing without being disagreeable. Yeah, that one! Talk about the thing that’s pushing your patience buttons but be kind. Don’t attack the person or their character. One of my favorite ways is to say, “I could really use your help with this…”

“Think of the patience God has had for you and let it resonate to others. If you want a more patient world, let patience be your motto” ~Steve Maraboli

When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Ephesians 4:29

3. Patience means knowing your triggers. I have less patience when I’m tired or don’t feel well. I used to have less patience with my children when I was getting ready for guests. I can also be short on patience when there are too many demands on my time.

If I’m prepared mentally, I plan better and have fewer things that annoy me.

“Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.” ~Anne Lamott

4. Patience means there are no patience vacations. As much as I would love to give in to my bad moods and just be annoyed some days. Love is patient and that means I need to make patience a priority.

“Love is a commitment that demands that you deal with your lust, your greed, your pride, your power, your desire to control, your temper, your patience, and every area of temptation that the Bible clearly talks about. It demands the quality of commitment that Jesus demonstrates in His relationship to us.” ~Ravi Zacharias

5. Patience means no expectation of perfection in yourself and others. It’s impossible to please all the people all the time and it’s impossible for all the people to please you. Even those you live with and love. We all need grace.

“Patience gives your spouse permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time that they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the rough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.” ~Stephen Kendrick (The Love Dare)

Home is where you can relax and be yourself. It's also the place where you need the most patience. It's not easy. Here are some things I think will help.

Patience at Home Means Full Buckets

One of my favorite ways to have patience at home is to keep everyone’s bucket full.

Check out How Full is Your Bucket, by Tom Rath and Donald O. Clifton. It is available in both an adult and child version.

“Everyone has an invisible bucket. We are at our best when our buckets are overflowing—and at our worst when they are empty. Everyone also has an invisible dipper. In each interaction, we can use our dipper either to fill or to dip from others’ buckets. Whenever we choose to fill others’ buckets, we in turn, fill our own.

“The magic ratio: 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction”

Our grandson has started asking his mommy and daddy if he’s filled their buckets each day after his teacher read the book to his pre-school class.

I love it!

Patience is easier when you and I are focused on filling each other up with words of love and encouragement, and not emptying each other with complaints and criticism.

And the best part, filling buckets fills us.

Want to be happier, more content and loved. Pour it out. Fill those buckets and watch them overflow into yours.

You already have everything you need to start filling because God is in the business of filling you. You’re only in the business of offering what is flowing through you.

You can be…

Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2


God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Go ahead. Be yourself. Your overflowing bucket-filling love giving patient self . . . even at home!

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11 thoughts on “How to Have Patience Where You Need it Most

  1. That is such good advice about the buckets and the 5:1 ration of positive to negative interactions. I should have read this post FIRST thing this morning. I’ve already lost my patience with people in my home today. Thank you for sharing this, Deb. God bless you.

    1. I loved it when our daughter told me. I really want to read the book. AND I definitely want to be a better bucket filler. Blessings and hugs my friend!

  2. You pegged me here… I have infinite patience for the people who live elsewhere, but those who share these 4 walls with me… Ohhh, boy! I needed this! Thank you for your words!

    1. I think it’s true of all of us, Liz! I remember my years teaching and how I could have tons of patience with students and come home without much for my kiddos. It’s all grace and a new day tomorrow. Thanks so much for joining the conversation!

  3. Great post, Deb! You are so right about home being the toughest place where patience is concerned. Love your suggestions, but especially love the concept of keeping buckets full! Thanks!

  4. Wow.. how easy it is to lose patience with those who are closest and we love the most Deb! I know I am not a very patient person but I felt led to memorize the fruit of the spirit passage. That seems to help most of the time but I love the idea of filling buckets. Another great point you share is no patience vacations! I want to remember how patient God is with me and show the same towards everyone. Thanks for sharing this thought provoking post! Have a wonderful weekend and God bless you and yours!

  5. “Patience means no patient vacations.” So true. Also true that those we love the most see our impatience most often. Thank you for this Deb.
    Blessings my friend,

  6. Thank you for sharing this encouragement, Deb. “Patience is easier when you and I are focused on filling each other up with words of love and encouragement, and not emptying each other with complaints and criticism.” Yes! In my morning prayer time, I include praying for my words and actions to be pleasing to the Lord and loving towards my family. Thanks for linking up with Thankful Thursdays.

  7. “Patience at home means full buckets.”
    Thanks so much for the reminder that patience means walking in love. I need daily reminders.
    Have a blessed weekend.

  8. No expectation in yourself or others…one of the biggest mind switches that helped me as a mother of 3. Great advice here no matter what age or situation we find ourselves.

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