How to Love the Person Who Broke Your Heart
You loved big and now you’re left hurt and angry.
Yesterday we talked about surviving rejection, but the truth is Jesus didn’t tell us to simply survive . . . He told us to forgive and love.
“I tell you, love your enemies. Help and give without expecting a return. You’ll never—I promise—regret it. Live out this God-created identity the way our Father lives toward us, generously and graciously, even when we’re at our worst. Our Father is kind; you be kind.
Luke 6:35–36 (MSG)
Really! You want to get even. Hurt the person who broke your heart. Tell everyone who will listen just how terribly you were treated.
Was Jesus asking the impossible?
No!
[Tweet “Jesus will never ask you to do something His Spirit is unable to help you accomplish.”]
Here are some things you can do with Holy Spirit help to love the person who hurt you.
How to Love the Person Who Broke Your Heart
1. Choose to forgive. Forgiving is obedience. No excuses. No exceptions. Forgive. Not for them but for you. Forgiving will give you the freedom to live and love.
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.
Colossians 3:13–14
2. Accept your inability to change them. It’s hard to admit that I am the only one I am able to change. I can’t make someone love me. You can’t either. Leave the work of changing hearts to God. Let it go and leave it to God. Trust His ability to change you.
A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.
2 Timothy 2:24–25
3. Stop telling the details of your story to anyone but God. There are multiple sides to every story, and some of this story is not yours to tell. You may find it helpful to talk about your feelings, but trashing the person who hurt you won’t help long-term. Remember once you speak details with someone you have no control over what they do with them.
Take the specifics of your broken heart to God in prayer and leave them with Him.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:18
4. Pray for the person who hurt you. I know you don’t really want to, but it’s obedience. Do it anyway. It will help. I promise. You can’t hate someone you pray for.
But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Matthew 5:44
5. Ask for help. If you need to be with people . . . ask. If you need time alone . . . let people know. If you need someone to cry with you . . . tell them. Invite people to keep you in prayer. People won’t know what you need unless you ask.
“Refusing to ask for help when you need it is refusing someone the chance to be helpful.” ~Ric Ocasek
6. Remember God may be protecting you from something much worse than rejection.
“He saw you cast into a river of life you didn’t request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw you with a body that gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your own garden of Gethsemane and He didn’t want you to be alone … He would rather go to hell for you than to heaven without you.”~Max Lucado
Finally, keep your heart tender and full of compassion. Forgive. Keep loving. Stay open to the power of the Holy Spirit and enjoy the blessings of:
“love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
Galatians 5:22–23
By God’s grace, I will never stop loving, waiting, and watching.
How has God helped you love someone who broke your heart?
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I like Ric’s quote. That is so true. Some people have the gift of compassion and caring and to not give them that opportunity to practice it does deny them a chance to fulfill their “mission.” It is sometimes hard to allow that help but it is important to do so.
I agree Bill. It is hard to ask for help, but it helps the giver and the recipient. I’m trying to be better at both giving and receiving. Blessings on your day!
Oh I love that we are neighbors today in a couple of places! I think the best lesson we can hold on to it realizing that we are only in charge of us – and no one makes us feel or do anything… hard to remember, especially when we are hurting – but so valuable! Great post, Deb! I have had times when I just had to pray for God to love through me, because my love –my broken heart and hurt feelings– just weren’t ready yet! But He does… because He IS Love and He just can’t help it!
Thanks Karrilee! I’m blessed by your kind encouragement. I completely agree . . . Hs IS Love and it is His love that rescued me broken heart and all. Blessings to you!
Ouch to #3… That’s hard, but I know it’s my weakness right now. I feel so justified. Thankfully I rarely have opportunity, but I still need to learn to bridle my tongue. Thanks for a great article!
Thank you Dawnita. I hear you, #3 is really hard. I try to remember that once I’ve shared something I have no control over where it goes or in what manner from that point on. That helps me do my crying out to God. You’re right though, when I want to scream “can you believe she/he did…” Thanks and blessings!
Yet another amazing post, Deb! I’m so grateful that I got the chance to visit with you today! Your words have been a blessing to me! Thank you, Dear! 🙂
Oh dear Tai, thank you so much for your kind encouragement. How you have blessed my day!
What Jesus asks us to do in forgiving others sounds impossible on the surface, but I know from experience (too much!) that it is the only thing which brings us peace and healing. I’m still a work in progress, but then again, aren’t we all?
Thanks for the encouragement, Deb!
I am still a work in progress myself! Majorly so. Just thankful that the Lord won’t give up on me ever. His love and faithfulness carry me through when others fail me. Blessings to you my friend!
I LOVE that you write about relationships and healing. I write about that too. Such a great post, but this was my favorite part: “Stop telling the details of your story to anyone but God. There are multiple sides to every story, and some of this story is not yours to tell. You may find it helpful to talk about your feelings, but trashing the person who hurt you won’t help long-term. Remember once you speak details with someone you have no control over what they do with them.” Needed to remember that one. I was doing okay on some of the other ones, but that one I needed the reminder. The wounded love to talk. Blessings from Espressos of Faith via Grace & Truth!
Hi Deb! I really appreciate your writing. I will subscribe to your blog so that i can receive posts regularly. I really like this post as well. What really stood out to me is when you said to stop telling the details of my hurt to anyone other than God. I’ve never thought of that! Thanks so much for sharing and I’ll be back to check you out Stopping over from Grace and Truth, Faith Filled Friday and Faith and Fellowship blog hop.
I like the part about quit telling your story to everyone except for God. After a while, no one wants to hear it. And the truth is, it simply conjures up feelings of resentment and bitterness. And it borders on gossip.
Several years ago, I had a wife leave me. In public, I only praised her and spoke well of her. I have never regretted that decision.
Your point #4 particularly resonated with me – I once heard it said that you can’t be bitter with someone you’re praying for. I’d also add that we can pray for our own attitudes toward those hurt us. It never fails to amaze me how God changes our hearts when we simply ask Him to. I’m glad you linked up with us at Grace & Truth!
“Stop telling the details of your story to anyone but God.” This is exactly what I need right now. Telling my friends about everything didn’t help me at all. Thank you for this Ma’am. 🙂
I’m blessed by what you wrote. I Find it hard to walk at times but at least I’m trying walk. Ive been stuck in fully forgiving the man who I once deeply loved. But i know to start i must look at him with genuine eyes and heart of Forgiveness. The kind that comes from the heart and not just from the mouth.
Hi Deb! You are such a balm to my soul, friend. My heart has been broken multiple times and I wish I’d had your advice to read. It’s so easy to just blame oneself.
My daughter’s marriage is falling apart and I just forwarded the two posts to her (this one and the previous one). Hopefully it will help her as much as it did me.
Jennifer, I’m so glad it helped you. Pastor Rick Warren once said, “Your greatest ministry will likely come from your deepest pain.” I know the pain of a broken heart. I believe many of us have. By God’s grace, He pieced me back together. I love telling others about the miracles He is able to do even in the midst of a broken heart. Thanks so much for stopping to say, hello! God bless you!
My husband passed away 18 months ago. For the last 20 years of our marriage he did everything he could to be a good husband and best friend. I just can’t let go of his infidelity in the earlier years. I loved this man with all my being, and I forgave him because I knew he needed me and to him I was “home” He filed for divorce twice when he was with “the other woman” . I did not contest, but he was never able to go through with it. He always ended up wanting to come home.
I just could never forget the pain that still consumes me. I ask God every day for help to let this go. What was I lacking in the wife department?
He was an alcoholic that I would not marry unless he stopped drinking but I did not twist his arm.
He asked me to get married after he had been sober 6 months. He stuck by me through my life threatening illness and so many surgeries through the years.
Both affairs involved a lot of partying and drinking.
I was 6 months from retirement and we were going to spend our golden years traveling till cancer decided he would not be able to live our dream.
I’m so sorry! That is a difficult burden. You may want to consider talking with a Christian counselor. I know I have been helped several times as I’ve gone to wise advisors for objective perspective. One of the blessings is they didn’t just give me the right answers or try to “fix” me, they affirmed my feelings and helped me work through them with God’s help in my own time. I am praying for you and asking God to hold you close as you turn to Him for help and guidance. God bless you!