How to Love Your Enemy When You Don’t Want To
On the list of things most of us wish Jesus hadn’t said … this would be at the top!
But it’s right there in Matthew…
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!”
Matthew 5:43–44
Love your enemies!
Really?!
Love?!
Forgive … maybe. Tolerate … possibly. But love.
Love seems unimaginable. Love feels impossible.
You pictured someone, didn’t you? A face or name popped into your mind. That person or persons who betrayed you, who intentionally made a decision that changed your life, who went out of their way to make your life miserable. Or maybe it’s someone who still deliberately gets under your skin every . . . single . . . day.
And Jesus said to love them! Did He really mean love?
Yes!
It’s important to remember that we tend to think of love as a warm fuzzy feeling. We picture romantic love or friendship love. But Jesus wasn’t talking feelings here, He was telling people to DO love.
Agape love … God’s unconditional kind of love. It is acting with love no matter how we feel. Love that cares about the welfare of others intentionally wanting what is best for them and purposefully doing it!
How does this kind of love look?
It’s remembering that…
- When you want to get even. You don’t.
- When you want to complain to your friends. You don’t.
- When you want to get ugly angry and tell them off. You don’t.
- When you want to write them off. You don’t.
I don’t now about you, but those things can rise up fast in me when I’m hurt. I know I need help. And the only things that help me love … NO, the only things that make it possible for me to love my enemies are:
3 Things that will Help You Love Your Enemy When You Don’t Want To…
1. The power of the Holy Spirit to help.
Paul said in his letter to the Ephesians:
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31–32
I can’t do that on my own and I’m guessing you can’t either. Bitterness and anger come much more naturally than kindness and forgiveness.
Paul also said in a letter he wrote to the Galatians:
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
Galatians 5:22–23
What you and I can’t do on our own, we can do with the help of the Holy Spirit. We can be loving and patient and kind. We can be faithful and gentle. We can have self-control. AND we can also have peace at the same time.
So, when dealing with an “enemy” … you and I begin with prayer. We can pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give us the power we need to love and we can as Jesus said…
2. Pray for those who persecute you.
First Century Jews understood persecution. They lived under Roman rule. Persecution and prejudice were part of everyday life. They could identify the enemy…
And then Jesus said to love and pray for them.
Pray for those who make your life miserable. Pray for those who are bigoted. The ones who hurt you. Who are unfair. Who are mean. Who gossip about you. Who ________.
And as if love and prayer aren’t hard enough, Luke added these words to Jesus instructions:
“Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, offer the other cheek also. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also. Give to anyone who asks; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back. Do to others as you would like them to do to you.”
Luke 6:28–31
Bless them. Give to them. Do to them as you would like them to do to you.
But I can’t!
It’s just that simple. Seriously, I can’t do it.
So, I go back to #1 again and again, and I ask for the Holy Spirit’s help. I pray. And I pray again.
And I think that’s what we’re supposed to do. We pray and ask for the Holy Spirit’s help, turn to God’s Word in faith, and hold on to verses like:
Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong.” Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.
Proverbs 20:22
And…
Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you.
Psalm 55:22
And…
Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about you.
1 Peter 5:7
3. Give it all to God in prayer.
There will be times when it feels frustratingly hard because as you look around the people who hurt you may seem to be doing great and you’re not. And then, once again we start over at #1.
Because if you and I really want to feel better, if we really want peace and contentment, if we really want joy. We have to give it to God.
We have to take our eyes off our enemy and turn our focus to the One who will never betray, forsake, or hurt us. We give it all to God and surrender to His perfect love.
We ask the the Holy Spirit to help our hearts heal and ask the Holy Spirit to soften and work in the heart and mind of the person who has acted as our enemy.
If you’re like me, when you’re hurt and angry you have no idea what you should pray for but you’re pretty sure asking God to get even with them is probably not what Jesus meant when He said we should pray for those who persecute us.
John Piper wrote an excellent article titled, Pray for Those Who Abuse You.
He said…
Pray for others the way you want others to pray for you. They show by their own prayers that the things they really need, they don’t pray for.
The Lord’s Prayer — Even for Your Enemies
The place to start in praying for our enemies is the prayer that the Lord taught us to pray. Whatever else you pray for your enemies, pray for them like this: (You can read his prayer suggestions here.)
John Piper
One final thought . . . something that helps me.
Everyone, even your enemy, is someone dearly loved by God.
Through the power of the Holy Spirit, God will give you everything you need to love … even when you need to love your enemy.
Will you pray with me to love your enemy?
Father, I need your help. This time it feels like too much. The pain is so deep. The hurt feels raw and my “enemy” doesn’t even acknowledge the suffering they’ve caused. Jesus told me to love them … but Father, the last thing I want to do right now is love.
So, I’m coming to and asking You to help me and strengthen me to do Your will. Please surround me by the power of Your Holy Spirit as I surrender myself to You. I want to trust Your will. I want to obey Your commands. Please give me what I need today to act with love.
And Father, please soften my “enemy’s” heart. Please surround them with Your love. Help them know and accept the truths of Your Word. And by Your grace, give us both everything we need to forgive and love like Jesus. Amen.
May you be blessed with the peace, joy, and love of the Lord today as you surrender your pain and rest in His ever-present love.
Oh, how I needed to be reminded of this commandment today, Deb! Our world is upside down and inside out with confusion and hatred. May we pray for others, even those with whom we have no common ground, as we would like to be prayed for.
Blessings, dear friend!
Thanks, Martha! I think we all needed this reminder. I know I did! Thanks, my friend! God bless you!
That was wonderful. In times like these, we need this more than ever. Thank you, Deb!
Thank you, Marilyn! God bless you as you reach out in love to those around you!
Excellent topic
Excellent direction
Much needed—- everyday!
Thank you, Rose. I appreciate your kindness. God bless you!
Hi Deb,
I am so thankful for this email about How to Love Your Enemy When You Don’t Want To. After reading your email Deb, it makes a lot of sense to me about my enemy and how to pray for them.
Thank you Deb, to read about God’s Word, if it is okay can I wrote the verse down for myself ?
Sincerely,
Elia
I’m so glad it blessed you, Elia. I appreciate that you came to visit and that you took the time to leave your kind encouragement. God bless you!
Yes, I needed this some very much today. I am going to refer to it forever and ever, amen! Thank you for writing in way that is easily understandable and relatable.
I will soldier and learn to pray for those who hurt and do not even realize it.
Bless you!
Jean, I’m so glad it blessed you. We are going through a very difficult time and many are facing painful relationship problems personally as well as in society. I love your heart for prayer and joining you in prayer. God bless you!
Thank you so much for helping me understand this command. Yes hard to do especially when gossip has nearly ruined your business. But I will trust in the Lord and continually give it all to Him and be led by The Holy Spirit.
God bless you.
Geoff
I’m so glad it blessed you, Geoff. And I’m sorry for your hardship. Betrayal is one of those very difficult things to forgive. Giving your pain and the situation to Him is exactly where He wants each of us. May He bless you and encourage you in the days and weeks ahead.
There’s a lady (she’s no lady in my opinion), who gives me attitude every single time I check-in with her. She’s a receptionist and I absolutely dread whenever she’s at the front desk.
I’ve always been cordial to her, but I’ve stopped. I’ve stopped because the nicer I became, the ruder she became. I’m not necessarily rude when I approach her, but I’m not as friendly as I was before, i.e., I don’t go out of my way to inquire “how are you this evening?”
I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong to her, but she treats me like a dirty diaper? I’m like really??? Okay fine. Whatever.
This pandemic has taken its toll on the entire world, so the last thing anyone needs right about now, is to deal with attitudinal people.
My interaction with her last night left me feeling angrier and irritated more than usual. So much that I didn’t read my Bible as scheduled before retiring for the night. Instead, I complained to God how I felt about this “lady” and God reminded me of Matthew 5: 43-48 (Love for Enemies).
I must’ve wrestled with Matthew 5:43-48 throughout the entire night and today when I randomly opened my Bible, Matthew 5:43-48 was staring me right in the face. That was God talking directly to me. No mistakes about it. I will do as Jesus commanded in His Sermon on the Mount. I don’t like it, but I will do as He asks.
Oh, William, I love your honesty. I think we’ve all been frustrated by difficult unkind people. What a blessing that God allows to wrestle with His Word and our emotions until by the power of His Spirit, we surrender to His will. Thanks so much for this word of encouragement to us all. And who knows, maybe her heart will eventually change as God uses you to shine the light of His love. Lifting you up in prayer. God bless you!