The Most Important Ways to Love Your Adult Children

Sharing is caring!

Based on conversations with some of her friends, my daughter asked me to feature this post of tips for parents of adult children.

As we approach the time of year when families will gather to celebrate the holidays, we thought this might be the perfect time.

The Most Important Ways to
Love Your Adult Children

I’m not a perfect parent.

I’ve always known that, but for a long time, I wanted to believe I was perfect for my children. Honestly, I’m not sure if that’s true either.

But…

One thing I know to be true.

I love them with all my heart.

Not perfectly, but completely. Always have. Always will.

I don’t offer much parenting advice because I don’t have much to give. Each child is a unique individual. What worked for me may not work for you. And what didn’t work for me might be the answer you need.

Since our children are grown and have been for some time, I do, however, have some advice on ways to love our adult children.

Important Ways to Love Your Adult Children

♥ Pray for your adult children and their children.

I’ve always asked God to bless and protect my children, and to pray for each of them specifically. I want to intentionally fight spiritual battles for my children and grandchildren through prayer.

♥ Tell your adult children you love them. 

Say it often! Children never outgrow the need to hear their parents say, “I love you.” Think about it. You know it’s true.

♥ Forgive the past. 

Sure, they messed up. They may have messed up BIG, but choose forgiveness and believe God is able to work His plans and purposes in them. Believe in God’s plans for their hope-filled future.

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 

Jeremiah 29:11

♥ Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.

Your adult children are on their own. Deeply personal questions can come with answers that make you uncomfortable. Do you really want to know about your child’s sex life? Finances? Or the details from last Saturday night? If they want to talk about it, be a good listener, but don’t ask.

♥ Give your adult children room to grow and grow up.

Everyone changes. Admit it. You’re still growing and learning. You don’t have everything figured out, and neither do your children. But they are maturing and growing, that’s what’s important.

♥ Remember, it’s okay to say ‘no.’

They’re adults who should be able to accept the word “no.” You didn’t always say “yes” when they were little, and you don’t have to say “yes” to every request for money or childcare or __________ today.

♥ Refuse to manipulate your adult children with guilt.

They didn’t call. It’s okay. Maybe they’re busy. Maybe they’re REALLY busy. Give them grace, then remember phones go both ways. Call them. Better yet, text them. It only takes a minute to type, “I love you.” And remember, it’s okay for them to say “no” to you, too.

♥ Give your adult children the freedom to make life choices.

Career. Where they live. Who they date or marry. I know you have opinions, but it’s their life. If they ask, great. But don’t pressure them or make them feel that you’ll be disappointed in them or won’t be there for them if they choose “poorly.”

♥ Give your adult children freedom over the holidays.

Balancing relationships is challenging. Remember what it was like when you were trying to please your parents and your in-laws? Maybe you still are. It’s okay to celebrate on a day other than the holiday itself. The important thing is taking time to enjoy each other.

♥ Give your adult children a verbal pat on the back. 

They still want to know you’re proud of them and that you think they’re doing a good job. So, tell them. 

♥ Respect their parenting decisions.

If they say no sugar, don’t try to sneak your grandchild a cookie. If their boundaries are too rigid or not rigid enough for you, let it go. They are the parents. You had your turn. AND NEVER disagree with their parenting approach in front of your grandchild!

♥ Offer a listening ear with a tender heart.

They don’t always need advice. Most of the time, they just need to know you care and that you’re listening. You don’t have to have all the answers. Just be available.

♥ Toughen up. Avoid giving in to hurt feelings.

They probably hurt your feelings occasionally when they lived at home, and they may say or do something that hurts after they’re grown. They’re not perfect. Neither are you. Let it slide.

♥ Respect their boundaries and expect them to respect yours.

Boundaries are good for all relationships. Parents and adult children need to have boundaries, too. Call before you drop in. Ask, don’t expect. Define off-limits topics together, and expect respectful conversations.

Finally,

♥ Pray again and again.  

Life is moving at an amazing speed for your children. They need your prayers more than ever and more often than you think.

Let me be perfectly honest with you.

I didn’t get here quickly. You won’t either.

I spent the years raising our children completely invested. I gave it my all, and in all honesty, I didn’t really want to let go.

But… it wasn’t about me and it still isn’t. It’s about allowing our children to become and be the people God created them to be. And sometimes the best way to do that is to get out of the way and let Him do His work.

Remember, God’s promise…

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.

2 Corinthians 12:9

God keeps His promises. He will give you all you need to be the parents your adult children need. He got you here. He got them here.

And His grace really is sufficient!

We would love to pray for you.
You can leave your prayer requests here…

and even take a few minutes to pray over the list left by our friends.

Never Miss an Update

Leave your email address and I’ll send you a short email every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to alert you to each new devotion. Plus you’ll receive a copy of 30 Ways to Bless Your Marriage and Keep the Spark Burning

I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi” and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…

Thanks again for visiting! Don’t forget to check out the links below to find additional posts that will bless you…

Sharing is caring!