Important Truth You Need to Know About Controlling Your Temper
Ooh, she was angry. I don’t know why. I don’t even know who.
But I could hear her shrieks coming from down the street. She was angry and wanted everyone to know it.
I don’t know whether it worked for her or not but temper tantrums and angry outbursts typically cause more problems than they solve.
We tend to think of tantrums as a toddler problem but…
A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts.
So, based on that definition…
When was your last tantrum?
The last time you let everyone know that you were NOT happy? You were feet stomping, hands flailing, purple-faced angry?
Who was the recipient?
- Your spouse.
- Your children.
- Your parents.
- Your child’s teacher.
- Your boss.
- Your server at lunch.
- Your neighbors.
I get it, they’re ugly and you’re squirming a little.
The truth is, even if you and I don’t want to call them temper tantrums any time we lash out in anger ranting at the closest victim . . . we can name it anything we want, it’s still a temper tantrum.
[Tweet “Temper tantrums are unattractive in children and downright ugly in adults.”]
They are able to ruin a perfectly good day for both the tantrum thrower and the recipient.
Look at what King Solomon said about controlling your temper.
People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.
Proverbs 14:29
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
Proverbs 15:1
Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.
Proverbs 29:11
As the beating of cream yields butter and striking the nose causes bleeding, so stirring up anger causes quarrels.
Proverbs 30:33
Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.
Ecclesiastes 7:9
Causes trouble.
Oh no.
Foolish.
Ouch.
Labels you a fool.
Double ouch.
Okay, you’re convinced. You’ve decided it’s time to start controlling your temper but now what.
How can you and I stop the habit of our angry outbursts?
5 Helpful Ways to Start Controlling Your Temper
1. Before you throw a lose your temper … breathe.
Count to ten, count to fifty – anything to slow down and take time to calm down.
“When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.” ~Author Unknown
2. Before you respond in anger … be quiet.
Refuse to scream and shout. One of the best teachers I ever had used to speak in a whisper when she was angry. She could quickly get our attention and rarely raised her voice.
“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.” ~Unknown
3. Before you reward anger, yours or anyone else’s … stop.
The person, child or adult, venting is often satisfied just to get an angry response. Do your best to remain calm. Memorize a scripture verse or quote to mentally recite when you’re tempted to react with anger.
“When things begin accelerating wildly out of control, sometimes patience is the only answer. Press pause.” ~Douglas Rushkoff
4. After you lose your temper … confess.
We’re all going to “lose it” once in a while. As hard as it is to admit, anger happens. Stop the cycle by remembering Ephesians 4:26–27
When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Do not give the devil a way to defeat you. (NCV)
5. Work out your anger with the Lord … repent and apologize.
Ask God for His forgiveness and go to person on the receiving end of your anger and ask for an opportunity to talk about it with humility and without excuses.
“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ~Benjamin Franklin
I’m so thankful Jesus showed us a better way to deal with each other without anger by speaking truth respectfully.
You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!
Matthew 5:43–44
“If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that? Even sinners love those who love them! You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.
Luke 6:31,36
How I wish I could control my anger and love people perfectly.
It’s hard, isn’t it?
But I’m not ready to give up or give in. With prayer, practice, and Holy Spirit power we can do a better job of using our words and controlling our tempers.
Finally, Quotes to Inspire You
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ~Ambrose Bierce
“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” ~Thomas Paine
Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.
James 1:9–10
It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses. – William Arthur Ward
Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you.
James 4:1
“Anger is one letter short of danger.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good.
Romans 12:21
Friends, anger is a valid emotion.
You and I will get angry on occasion. It’s what we do with it that matters. Because when anger takes control it has the power to make us do and say things we don’t want to do or say. And that’s a problem.
So when it comes to controlling your temper … count to ten, speak softly, remember God’s Word, confess and apologize.
What’s your best tip for pushing pause and controlling your anger?
“Never ruin an,apology with an excuse.” That’s a great quote. Also, “Anger is one letter short of danger.” I confess, I tend to have temper tantrums. I didn’t label then as such until now. I call them hussy fits. It sounds more…ladylike. Same thing. Mostly, they’re directed at my computer. I lose my patience easily and I often don’t like having to spend so much time with technology, espero ally when I don’t understand it. I hear myself and I hate how I sound. Then I tell God how sorry I am and feel terrible. These are good words, Deb. I will remember these two quotes that spike to me today. Now, I’m off to work to NOT have a temper tantrum.
oh my goodness..I just re-read my last comment-which I should have proofread BEFORE I clicked submit. But this is a perfect example of the ramifications of a temper tantrum, and I’m happy to be your guinea pig, Deb. I need to clarify (I typed that comment using my phone)…I do NOT throw hussy fits, although it may sound like that to the observer. I throw more ladylike HISSY fits. Same thing, I guess. Like words in a comment section that cannot be edited, so are the words in a temper tantrum. And I haven’t even gotten to work yet! Welcome to Monday! LOL
Mary, you can always make me laugh! I have to admit my computer can set me off more quickly than anything. Phone trees can get me going too! Here’s to making today a temper tantrum free day! Blessings and Happy Spring!
You’ve shared some great advice here, Deb. I need these reminders more than I care to admit. I think what helps me the most in dealing with anger is to pause. I don’t have to respond right away and I’m always glad when I wait.
Thanks, Dawn! That helps me too. Planning ahead and knowing what I want to say to help the situation rather than hurt the relationship . . . that’s the goal and it always works better than saying the first angry thing that pops into my head! Blessings!
Delay, delay, delay and while delaying pray. If I just delayed who knew when I would explode. So I learned to pray in my delay because I can take all things to God in prayer.
Great point, Nylse. I can think all kinds of nasty things if I’m just replaying my anger while I wait. Prayer is definitely the way to restore peace to our hearts before we try to restore peace to the relationship. Blessings to you!
This is an area the Lord has been working me on since high school. I come from a very passionate family … if you know what I mean by passionate … so I have to be intentional about not getting irritated with things sometimes. Great reminders!
Thanks, Lauren! Those can be hard habits to break! I know! God’s blessings and you move forward with His help.
These are wonderful Deb! I use several of these and needed a reminder of them. I also have learned I need to care for my physical body, because when I’m tired or my blood sugar gets low, I’m more likely to have a problem with anger. Proactive prevention. ? My favorite of these is “Work out your anger with the Lord, repent and apologize.” I do repent & apologize (I have to more often than I care to admit), but honestly haven’t thought to take my anger to the Lord. Thank you, Deb. You’re such a blessing!
Thank you, Cindy! Staying physically strong is a great point. My fuse is much shorter when I’m tired or hangry. Your kind encouragement made my day! God bless you!
Yes, we will get angry from time to time, but it’s definitely how we redirect that anger, displaying self-control and turning to God, that will have the best results, always!
I can’t remember the last time I had a temper tantrum – guess the Lord’s been hard at work in me. I feel blessed!
Blessings to you, Deb!
Nice work, Martha! Maybe we start to get to the point where we realize those tantrums don’t really work for us. God’s blessings my friend!
Oh what a great article! I tend to react and then breathe so I love the quote about anger being one letter away from danger. So true! Today is International Happiness Day and the very First Day of Spring so with these two great things to smile about thankfully so far it has been a tantrum free day.
Spring is definitely a mood elevator. Thanks for your encouragement. Many blessings to you, Donna!
I remember interviewing Ruthie Gray on my blog about her mommy anger book Count to Nine and thinking, “I don’t have a problem”. But God showed me areas in my life that opened my eyes. Wow.
And the thing I love most is that verse in Ephesians. Anger itself isn’t the problem, it’s what we do with it.
Thanks for these practical tips, Deb
So much wisdom here, Deb! God is continually working on my temper, and I really appreciate your thoughtful suggestions for avoiding a temper tantrum. I’ll be pinning and sharing and using them as I help my kids (and myself) learn to tame our tempers. Thank you so much for linking up at Encouraging Word Wednesday this week!
Oh my goodness after a day with fourth graders, an exhausting day, I needed this. Kids not doing homework, check. Parents asking for things that were sent home a week ago, check. A parent meeting at the end of the day, check. Aarrgghhh! I find as I get older, I’m 52 now, with 29 years of teaching under my belt, and I am tired and frustrated on a daily basis. Today I said to my husband, I’m no longer going to focus on the 2 or 3 kids who refuse to follow rules. I’m going in tomorrow with a new plan…Focus on the other 20 kids who consistently follow rules, who never miss homework, who are a joy to teach. The other 2 or 3 are not going to zap my energy anymore! I hope this gives me peace. It means ignoring bad behavior on a daily basis. It may even mean ignoring not only the behavior, but the children themselves. But I’m just so tired of giving so much attention (negative at that) to the wrong kids. Tomorrow I’m going to focus on good behavior, praise the kids who deserve to be praised, reward the kids who deserve to be rewarded. I can’t help every single kid no matter how hard I try. Anyway, this reminded me to stop having temper tantrums, I am going to try the”whisper” technique and breathing (deep cleansing breaths)!! Amen!
Oh, Karen, as a former teacher I know how disruptive and frustrating one or two seeking negative attention can be. I applaud your efforts to try something new. Even if it doesn’t change their behavior, I believe you will enjoy your class more and find more peace inside. I’m praying God gives you all the strength you need to find joy in this new way of approaching the day. Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to share your story. God’s blessings!!
Deb, I always enjoy being your neighbor at the link ups. I find your writing very encouraging. I loved the advice and verses you choose for this article. Much wisdom and very beneficial! Thank you!
Thank you so much, Leslie! You just blessed my day!!!