This is the Reason I Don’t Need My Husband

Family! Marriage. Parenting.

It seems the closer the relationship the more complicated the living.

From the moment we walk down the aisle and say our “I dos” the challenges of balancing expectations and reality put stressors on the love we’ve just declared to our families and friends.

That’s why I’m thrilled to share this post with you by Melissa Gendreau. I’ve gotten to know Melissa, through her links here each week.

I love her purpose statement on her About Me Page – “The purpose of this site is to provide tips to improve your life and glorify God.”

That’s why we do what we do, isn’t it?

We share our stories to help each other and glorify God.

Thank you, Melissa, for sharing part of your story here with us.

Please make Melissa feel welcome through your comments and I know she’d love it if you would follow her on social media too.

The Reason I Don’t Need My Husband

A couple standing face to face - why I don't need my husband! #Marriage #Faith

I DON’T NEED MY HUSBAND!

At first glance that sounds like such a terrible statement. I love my husband. He truly is my favorite person on this Earth. He has been an amazing support through me getting a master’s degree and moving states twice because of my career. Marriage with to him is easy. He’s an amazing father and actually homeschools our kids.

(Wow, right?!)

And I thank God daily for bringing my husband into my life. I love him that much.

But. I don’t need my husband! Not anymore, anyway.

EARLY YEARS

My husband and I met when I was nineteen. I was shy, anxious and struggled significantly with my self-worth. There had been a previous guy that hadn’t helped matters. And I had been unintentionally raised to believe my worth was dependent upon how others viewed me. The combination meant I was a mess.

I also was a pretty new Christian. I had been raised Catholic until my parents got divorced when I was thirteen. That put a bit of a kink in our church-going. My parents were damned to Hell according to a nun. My mom and I continued to go to church but it wasn’t necessarily with a joyful heart and there weren’t many options in small-town Iowa.

I was seventeen years old when I felt God’s presence for the first time and was saved. It was at a confirmation retreat walking up a hillside weaving through the stations of the cross. The woods were beautiful and God’s presence was palpable. And I also realized how little the Catholic church had taught me about a personal relationship with Jesus.

I don't need my husband, I'm replacing my need with grace and joy. #Marriage #Faith #LoveGod

I felt like I was in limbo until I went to college. Faith in my family was viewed as very personal and private so I didn’t feel like I could talk about my experience. And truthfully I didn’t really know what my experience was.

So as a nineteen-year-old I still didn’t have much of a personal relationship with God. I didn’t understand His love for me or my worth through Him.

In the early years, I apologized often. For little to no reason. I felt constantly on edge that my husband (at the time boyfriend) was going to leave me. Although he gave me no rational reason to believe that to be true. It was a nagging feeling ever present. “Why does he love me?” “He’s going to find someone better.” “You’re not good enough for him.”

These thoughts continued throughout our five years of dating and engagement. I was hopeful that these feelings would go away once we were married. But they didn’t.

A BATTLE OF THE MIND AND SPIRIT

I first read /Captivating/ by John and Staci Eldredge as part of our premarital counseling. It as such a beautiful starting point for me but I struggled to allow it to be true. I had too many negative thoughts that would interfere.

There have been other wonderful books that helped me on my way to healing but none greater than the bible.

The word of God alone allowed me to combat all of the lies that I had learned to believe over the years. I love how verses that have been read countless time all of a sudden strike you in your core like never before.

But I was only able to be free of past wounds when I forgave people through prayer and asked God to release me of the pain. And it still took time. It was a prayer on repeat for a long time. Not because God wasn’t willing to take the pain but because I wasn’t fully ready to give it up.

While my view of myself wasn’t good or even beneficial, it was what I knew. Being released from perpetual self-doubt and stepping out with a sense of self-worth seemed uncomfortable. But it was so freeing when I allowed God to show me His truth. And it wasn’t as if I didn’t know these truths for other people, it was just hard to grasp myself.

And at times self-consciousness still creeps back in or I see myself shifting focus and the truth hits me all over again in the most beautiful way. God loves me and created me. I am His.

A SHIFT IN DEPENDENCE

My faith has grown deeper and more profound over the last few years. And with it I have come to a realization. No longer do I need my husband. I need God.

I was placing my husband in a role that he was never created to fill. He cannot read my mind or know my every need and desire. My husband is an amazing man but he can’t heal me.

I would be wounded deeply if I were to be without my husband. But I know now that I would survive. God would carry me through. My worth is not dependent upon my husband’s love. Don’t get me wrong. I love being loved by my husband. But his love does not give me worth.

The Reason Why I Don't Need My Husband by Melissa Gendreau at Counting My Blessings

I am His bride first!

And that realization has increased my relationship with God more. I no longer full pulled to put my husband first. Even though he never asked that of me. My first love is God and everything else in life is secondary. That is such an amazing truth to let sink in!

It also has deepened my relationship with my husband. I am more willing to be transparent and open with my him because I don’t have the worry that I’m going to be too much to handle or not good enough. There is no more nagging concern that he will leave me. So that allows me to genuinely love him because I want to and not because I worry it is necessary.

So recognizing my worth in God and putting Him first has transformed my experience of marriage. We have been married ten years this past May but I no longer need my husband; rather I have the joy of getting to share this life with him for as long as our Lord allows. That is a beautiful place to be in.

Melissa is a Christian mental health therapy, wife and mommy to two pretty neat kids. She enjoys sharing practical advice for others to become closer to God. When she is not working or writing, she enjoys movie night and homemade popcorn with her family. You can read more of Melissa’s articles on her site Humble Faith Family Wellness, and follow her on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

 This Week’s Friday Favorites

Highlights from the Week!

How to Set Loving Boundaries in a Difficult Marriage

by Sarah Geringer

@ Finding Peace in God’s Word

How to Set Loving Boundaries in a Difficult Marriage by Sarah Geringer

A Shredded Shoulder and the Condition of the Human Heart

by Naomi Quick

@ Adventures in Faith, Family, Adoption

A Shredded Shoulder and the Condition of the Human Heart by Naomi Quick


Three Powerful Truths We Can Learn from the Song of Songs

by Christin Baker

@ Garments of Splendor

 

Three Powerful Truths We Can Learn from the Song of Songs by Christin Baker

 

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28 thoughts on “This is the Reason I Don’t Need My Husband

  1. So nice to meet you here, Melissa, at Deb’s place! You are spot on in your reflection – only when God is first in our lives can we truly love others, including and especially, our husbands. So, so grateful I learned that lesson many years ago.
    Blessings!
    Martha Orlando recently posted..Taste and SeeMy Profile

  2. I love this Melissa! I say I went to college to get my MRS degree. Really, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. But somehow I got lost in the desire for that and ended up depending on my husband way too much to meet my needs. I believe understanding how much the Lord loved me and learning to not fear the opinion of others so much, helped me step into the gifts God gave me that I was too afraid to use before. And help me be confident in Jesus. I sure loved your words of truth here.

    1. When I went to college I never thought anyone was going to love me. I was broken and fragile. So when my husband was interested in men and he was a good guy (handsome, too) I continually thought at any moment he was going to change his mind. It wasn’t until I realized my worth in God was I able be confident and secure in all of my other relationships.
      Melissa recently posted..Dear Daughter, Perfection isn’t AttainableMy Profile

  3. My husband and I have been married 35 years and second to my relationship with God, it’s the most amazing gift God has given me! But as you said so well, Melissa, Jesus is all I need. He will most likely take one of us home before the other and when that day comes, while it will be painful and a lot of other adjectives, Christ will be enough to see us through.
    Donna Reidland recently posted..“What’s the Condition of Your Heart?” February 23My Profile

  4. Outstanding, Melissa! I met my husband when we were in college and I was not quite 18. We married when I was 21 and I was very insecure and needy and looked to him for everything. It was clear early on that he would not provide me with everything since he was a US Marine Corps officer and was deployed for 19 months of the first three years of our marriage, but I resisted the truth. Thankfully, the Lord brought my heart in alignment and caused my eyes to see I had Him and He would never be deployed and would always help me stand. He was also perfect of course!!!
    Pam Ecrement recently posted..What Is Your Heart’s Condition?My Profile

  5. This is SO GOOD Melissa! I had to learn this lesson the hard way too, through many disappointments, and insecurities, and God moments. It’s freeing when we come to the realization that God is to be our all in all! My husband is not to fill that void. Only God.
    Thanks for sharing!

  6. Melissa I am in a unique stage of life – single and almost 37. It’s weird trying to navigate these waters some days, but my prayer is that I will be single, yet engaged. Have a wonderful weekend!

  7. Love this post, Melissa! I share so many similarities with you. I love my husband, he’s my best friend and life would be not as exciting without him and the way he makes me laugh, but I need God so much more!

  8. Praise the Lord for this amazing post! I love my husband but when I realized he couldn’t heal me from my past , I was astonished at first.

    God is first and foremost in my life today. It has helped me connect with my husband so much more now.
    I love reading your post all the time.

  9. So blessed to be part of today’s featured posts, Deb! Thank you so much! Melissa, I love this! Your title grabbed me from the beginning, and you are so right. I have seen my mom walk through the painful loss of my dad, and she has beautifully modeled complete trust and dependency on God, the ultimate Bridegroom and lover of our souls! Blessings to you and your family!

  10. Melissa, I have to comment again because I finally had time to read through the whole post. I’ve enjoyed getting to know you on your blog this past year, and I love seeing more of your story in this post. God has worked a similar transition in my heart too. Your story is beautiful and I hope you get some time to enjoy movies and popcorn with your family this weekend!
    Sarah Geringer recently posted..How to Choose Wise Battles in a Difficult MarriageMy Profile

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