Ooh, you can’t believe…
- she said that.
- you didn’t get invited.
- they didn’t include your child.
- he criticized your efforts after you tried so hard.
- she told your secret.
- he __________.
You’re hurt. Yes, you’re angry too.
So, now what?
Should you say something? Should you confront them or not?
Based on the fact that I’ve been asked about this more times than I can count . . . I thought you might like my advice on the subject.
Advice for When You Need to Decide to Confront or Not
There are three important questions to ask as you try to decide whether or not you should confront the person who hurt your feelings. What do I hope the outcome will be?
What do I hope the outcome will be?
Think it through…
What will you say? How will you say it? Think about the tone of your voice and the words you’ll use.
How likely is it that will be the outcome?
Sure you hope it will go as you’ve imagined, but based on the person’s past reactions if you know them how likely is it you will get the reaction you’ve hoped for?
Be honest with yourself. Think through possible scenarios.
If you’re not likely to get the reaction you want . . . will it still be worth it?
If it doesn’t change anything.
If it hurts your relationship.
If it hurts your child’s friendships.
If they complain about you to others.
Are you willing to handle the potential results of the confrontation?
Will it be worth it if nothing changes?
What to Do If You Don’t Confront?
Pray to forgive.
Pray for peace.
Pray to let it go.
Pray for the situation to change.
Pray for the person to change.
Pray about ways you might be contributing to the situation.
Rethink your approach –
This may be something you want to talk over with the person who hurt you, but go back to the beginning and think about ways you can talk with them without making it a confrontation. Be willing to listen. Maybe they are going through a very difficult time. Maybe they’re hurting. Maybe they need someone to listen with kindness and compassion.
One More Thing – That’s IMPORTANT
Don’t talk about it with anyone else.
Nothing tempts us to talk about others faster than hurt feelings. Resist the temptation. Once you’ve included other people it becomes harder to work things out. And no matter what you call it, you aren’t loving someone well when you’re talking negatively about them to others.
If you need to get advice from someone (not just complaining) talk with a Christian friend or mentor who has experience and is able to keep your situation to themselves.
Quotes to Inspire You
“Anger is a powerful motivator, but a poor strategist.”~Rob Jones
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1
“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” ~John Watson
Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise. Proverbs 13:10
“I don’t like that man, I must get to know him better.” ~ Abraham Lincoln
“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional!” Max Lucado
So what do you think? How do you decide whether or not to move forward with confrontation?