When God Says “No” and Your Heart is Broken
God says “no.”
What are you supposed to do when you feel like God is the One who allowed your broken heart?
It is your heart’s desire.
And the Bible says,…
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.Psalm 37:4
But for reasons beyond your ability to understand . . . God says “no.”
You’ve been good. You’ve tried to obey His commands. Maybe you’ve even dedicated your life to serving Him in ministry.
But He still seems to be saying “no.”
And in your quiet moments when and you’re being honest, you think … it’s not fair!
If you’re like me (at least me before I learned it’s better, no it’s best, to trust God’s perfect love) you’ll start by praying over and over again.
Asking, Pleading. Crying.
Then you’ll whine and complain like a child trying to get a parent to soften and give in.
But it’s taking so long. You’re still sick. Still single. Still longing for a child, a job, a home, a _________.
You look around and people who don’t even seem appreciative have that something you’re longing for, and you find yourself giving in to jealousy, tantrums, and anger.
This may be your story.
It’s mine. I wanted what I wanted and God’s ‘no’ was simply unacceptable.
And I’m ashamed to tell you, that like a spoiled child, I took things into my own hands refusing to wait on God’s will and timing.
I’ve learned that is not in any way … a good idea!
By God’s grace, He patiently allowed me to live the consequences of my choice and then He showed me a better way and I’d like to tell you about it…
5 Things to
Do ... When God Says “No” and Your Heart is Broken
1. Remember EVERYthing God allows is filtered through His love.
Love is God’s character. He cannot do anything outside of who He is.
You and I can trust Him. If He says “no” or “not now” He has a very good reason … even when it’s hard to understand.
God is love. God showed how much He loved us by sending His one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him.1 John 4:8–9
2. Trust God’s goodness is in EVERYthing He allows.
His goal for you is your eternal good
As hard as that is to understand at the moment … even when your longing is for something good, He never allows something that He is unable to use for the good of His children and for His glory.
You may never know how your circumstances and story might touch the eternal future of someone who is closely paying attention.
The Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. And we know that God causes everything to work together[m for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.Romans 8:27–28
3. Know that God sees the end from the beginning and may be protecting you.
We make God too small. He is eternal. He knows your past and your future. He knows all the lives you will touch and He knows how best to bless you not just today but with eternity in mind.
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.Revelation 22:13
4. Do what you are able today and leave the rest to God.
Get up and focus on trusting God today. Ask God to give you peace and the ability to focus on your blessings.
Whew, that was hard for me! (In fact, that became the motivation behind my writing “Counting My Blessings.”)
Let me also add sometimes I still have to stop and have a good cry and honestly talk with God about my disappointment and sadness … that’s okay! He understands!
But … I’ve also learned to not allow myself to spend the day there. I give myself a set amount of time to cry and cry out, I give it to God, and then I get up, get busy, and live my life!
“Harness the power of today. Seize the blessings of today! Make something happen, enhance your life, make someone laugh, help a friend, love, love, love!” ~Steve Maraboli
5. Lean deep into God’s love through prayer and study of His Word.
Carry His promises close and trust, trust, trust.
Digging deep into God’s Word began my healing process. As I read through God’s Word and asked Him to strengthen me through His promises … everything began to change for me.
Trust became easier and other blessings became more obvious.
For the word of the Lord holds true,Psalm 33:4–5
and we can trust everything He does.
He loves whatever is just and good;
the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth.
[Tweet “I’m not going to tell you it will be easy. It won’t.”]
It’s easier to believe the lie…
“The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands” ~Martin Luther
But I believe today with everything in me … if God allows or “doesn’t” allow something in my life, He will give me the strength to endure.
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.1 Corinthians 10:13
I believe God is at work in my life through His grace and mercy and even when He allows something painful and difficult … I am confident He will give me whatever I need to trust Him one day at a time.
I believe He will do that for you, too!
Because faith gives the hope we need to trust His real and present love…
Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it.Hebrews 11:1
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Lovely post to end the week, Deb. It’s always a joy to land here, reading your encouragement toward God and for others. This is my “high 5” from your post: “Lean deep into God’s love through prayer and study of His Word. Carry His promises close and trust, trust, trust.”
Have a wonderful weekend.
My constant need – lean in and trust. Thanks Kristi . . . enjoy a wonderful blessing-filled weekend.
Mam . M 4om India l lost everything in life . My heart is broken ???? in pieces many a times
I am so sorry! I’m praying and asking God to comfort you during this difficult time. God bless you!
Oh, yes, God may break our hearts, but I, too, have learned it is always for the best. He can do nothing but love us, and in that we should always trust. Love and blessings, Deb!
You’re right Martha! I want Him to give in and get on board with my wants and wishes. Trusting His perfect love and wisdom comes with experience that He is always faithful. Always!
I found this post so helpful. You listed so many edifying points!
The one that convicted me, was C.S. Lewis’s quote, “The sin underneath all our sins is to trust the lie of the serpent that we cannot trust the love and grace of Christ and must take matters into our own hands” ~Martin Luther
I certainly don’t set out to think this way, but this quote made me realize this is exactly what I am doing when I take to fretting and worrying and trying to work things through in my own strength.
Thank you for sharing!
So thankful it blessed you Karen. It’s always the same old question, “Did God really..?” The battle is always to trust Him when those doubts are flying at us. Blessings to you!
This is fantastic! Sharing, tweeting, pinning! So many people need to hear this all of the time to understand what our walk with God calls us to. It often calls for patience or redirection, but it\\\\\\\’s always GOOD. Great blog topic! Coming to you from #DancewithJesus. Blessings! 🙂
Oh Bonnie, Thank you so very much. Your kind words humble and bless.
Deb, this is such a good post! Too often, we whine, but I love #3-that He might be protecting you. He knows what is right and best for us. Example: Several months ago, I was offered a part in a play, and I said yes without taking the time to pray about it. Then I reneged when I realized that the rehearsals would conflict with my writing group (which I pay for). The play opens tonight, and we are bringing my mom home tomorrow from rehab after a heart attack and triple bypass three weeks ago. Every night has been filled with visits to my mom. There was no way I could have participated in a play right now. God knew this would happen. He really is good all the time!
Mary that’s awesome. Such wisdom to trust His direction, follow, and then give Him glory. Thanks for sharing this great encouragement.
Thank you Ren!
Even when my head knows the truth my heart can hurt when what I want is being denied. And I always get it when it’s an indulgence or bad for me, but when it’s something that is good it’s hard to understand. I need this list regularly. Thanks and blessings!
Dear Deb, I just got back from my book Signing. Opened my facebook and got that beautiful message from you.
From miles away you read, was blessed by an article and shared it too! Thank you for putting a smile on my face before I go off to bed.
*Its evening over here 9pm precisely*
Many Blessings to you.
Stopping by from Grace & Truth tonight. This is such a good word, friend. Life’s disappointments can wound us deeply, causing our faith to waver and flounder as we cope with the loss of our dreams. Thank you for pointing us toward refocusing our gaze on our God – the One whose dreams for us far surpass anything we could concoct for ourselves, and the One whose “no” means that He has an infinitely better “yes.”
Hi Deb, I happened upon this beautiful post of yours on Pinterest and have been sharing it ever since. Seems others are liking it too. For me it is just the encouragement I need right at this time — at a point when I feel God might not be listening (or simply not answering in the way I expect). I know I’m not alone in feeling this way and I pray your words of encouragement will bless others and point us all back to Him and his goodness. Thanks for shining the light!
Thankyou!! God didn’t repair my 31 year marriage to my then husband. It’s been very difficult wondering why the Lord didn’t heal our marriage with all the times I prayed for him to heal our relationship. My husband didn’t believe any more and maybe that had something to do with it. I know the Lord wants marriage to survive but I have to trust he knows what he’s doing!
Thankyou again for the reminder!
I’m curious what you mean when you say God says no. I know I’ve had plenty of things I prayed for that just didn’t happen.
Hi, Tim, That’s a great question! I think we’ve all had things like that. What I mean here, is when you’ve pleaded and prayed for something for ages. Like a loved one to get better and they die. Or for the blessing of a child and you find out you are infertile. Or a family member or friend to be free of addiction and they o.d. I hope that makes sense. When you’re heartbroken and struggling to find hope. I’ve had to learn to trust God in those situations and I pray my story helps others trust God when they are heartbroken and hopeless, too. God bless you! Thanks so much for stopping by.
I think I understand what you mean. Some things like that can be difficult to understand because we are dealing with another person’s will. And as much as we want to, we can’t believe or have faith for someone else. I may email you if you would not mind to ask a few more things?
I like how God knows the future ahead and our past. I sometimes struggle if I made the right career switch. I started off in pharmacy school and always wanted to pursue being a pharmacist, but when I was in school, the desire was gone. I shadowed a PA years ago and kept thinking about it and switched to PA. Now, I doubt myself if I made the right choice, but felt I could help others more as a PA. I do feel like God could see the end of both results and maybe PA would have been more fulfilling in the end which is why He put that desire on my heart? To this day, I still miss chemistry and pharmacy. But maybe He was protecting me from the pharmacy field knowing I would not have felt as fulfilled in the end or feel I could use my gifts more for His glory and kingdom. What do you think?
Angela, I believe God can use us on our chosen path … whatever it is. Rev has had several calls or job offers throughout His career and we’ve prayed and asked for His direction. Sometimes His will was clear but not always. We then choose to give Him each day and ask Him to use us where we are. I’m praying He will bless you as you serve Him at your career and beyond. Maybe you could even go back to school part-time and see where it leads. God’s richest blessings to you!
I really needed to read this today. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for your post. I am dealing with an adult daughter who no longer wants to be part of my life. I have been angry at God for not answering my prayers time after time. This post really helped me realize that it is on God’s time not mine. Thank you so much for your beautiful words.
Amy, I’m so sorry! We have walked that path and it is heartbreaking. I am praying for you! God bless you!
Crying my eyes out once again but it’s not all bad. I feel like God broke my heart on something I wanted so badly, someone I thought he was pushing me towards to be in a relationship with. I still can’t quite determine if the “signs” were from God or if they were “signs” I made up in my head. But I know the answer is not what I thought regardless and it really does hurt. I do know this article and the accompanying Bible verses are just what I needed and I will be coming back to this article frequently. I needed this because I wanted to give up so badly. It hurts and feels unfair when it seems like everyone else has the one thing you want. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for posting this article. I can’t put into words how much it means to me right now. God bless you always!!!!
I’m so sorry, Arista! When my heart was broken it was the hope I found in God’s Word that helped me heal. I am so glad this post helped you. Thank you so much for letting me know. May God continue to be your peace and encouragement. God bless you!
Just when you think you know best! God works in ways I still have no words to express.. this article came in at the perfect time.. thank you for sharing because I know I’m surely in his grace for the sins I’ve sinned and now I’m caught wondering lord what’s next because I’m so anxious to see what’s to come when I’ve always been in control and now you’ve taken the wheel.. my love for Christ is deeper each time I pick up my Bible daily.. Thank you Deb Wolf may lord continuously blessings lead you always..
I’m so glad it blessed you, Patricia. I agree about reading the Bible. I am blessed each day as I am encouraged and uplifted by His Word. Thanks so much for visiting. God be with you and bless you!