How to Make Your Marriage a Lasting Love Story
Yesterday, Rev and I would have celebrated our 54th wedding anniversary.
Over the decades we spent together, we learned that…
Having a love story that lasts takes intentional effort; it doesn’t happen by accident.
Years ago, I asked him to help me compile a list of things that we believed would bless every marriage, and I’d like to share it with you here…
Ways to Make Your Marriage
a Lasting Love Story
1. Keep every promise you make – Marriage itself is a promise to love, honor, and cherish forever.
Every promise is a covenant commitment to follow through and keep your word. So, if you make a promise, do absolutely everything within your power to keep it. No excuses!
2. Tell the Truth – Say what you mean. Mean what you say.
Solomon wrote…
The Lord detests lying lips,
Proverbs 12:22
but He delights in those who tell the truth.
Trust is very difficult to regain once it has been lost.
3. Let Go of Anger – Ask the following questions:
- Why am I angry? View the situation honestly and factually.
- Is something else upsetting me? (I don’t feel well. The kids are driving me crazy. Work is overwhelming. I’m exhausted. I’m cranky.)
- Is something else upsetting the person with whom you’re angry?
- Will talking about it make it better? If not, let it go. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”
Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
Ephesians 4:26–27
4. Forgive Quickly – Ask for forgiveness when you’re wrong and be quick to forgive when you’ve been wronged.
Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32
5. Show Gratitude – Give tons of affirmation and appreciation, and keep your complaints to a minimum.
So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
6. Be Generous with Encouragement – Find lots of excuses to build up your spouse. Everything and anything can become a reason to make each other feel special.
Don’t keep the things you love about your spouse a secret. Compliments leave loving imprints on the heart.
7. Be Reliable – Have integrity.
Be someone your spouse can consistently count on. Be on time, and if you say you’ll do something, do it!
“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.”
Luke 16:10
8. Build Them Up Before Others – Never speak negatively about your spouse to others.
Don’t complain to your friends. If you can’t say something nice, be quiet. If you have a problem, work it out at home. Hmmm – as Rev would say, “That’s downright Biblical.”
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
9. Set wise, loving personal boundaries – Avoid situations that might threaten your relationship or make a loved one uncomfortable.
Be the person your family trusts because you’ve never given them a reason to doubt. If you think you’d have to defend or explain it, don’t do it.
10. Bite Your Tongue – You don’t have to say everything you think . . . avoid sarcasm and scorchers.
It’s worth a bloody tongue to avoid saying something you’ll regret. Remember, hurtful words can hang in the air for years.
Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.
Proverbs 21:23
11. Grow Together Spiritually – Spend time talking about your faith.
Worship, study the Bible, and pray for and with each other. It will strengthen you personally and bless your relationship!
Give all your cares to the Lord and He will give you strength. He will never let those who are right with Him be shaken.
Psalm 55:22
12. Share Hopes, Dreams, and Goals – Believe in each other.
Be open about your hopes, dreams, and goals. Communicate (talk and listen). Be a cheerleader, encouraging each other to pursue their goals.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11
13. Have Fun – Laugh and play together.
Responsibilities, like paying the bills, raising children, and working through problems, can suck the fun right out of a marriage. Be intentional about doing the things you enjoy as often as possible. Be silly once in a while. It’s good for your marriage and good for your health.
“People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.” ~ Dale Carnegie
14. Give 100% of Your Attention for 30–60 Minutes Every Day – Put the kids to bed. Put down your phone and tablet. Turn off the television.
Ask each other about the best and worst parts of their day. Talk. Listen. Encourage. Don’t try to fix the other person’s problem. Just listen and love. It’s important to remain connected.
15. Disagree Without Being Disagreeable – Two people can’t agree about everything all the time; however, it is possible to disagree, negotiate, compromise, and solve.
Avoid saying “you always or you never.” Avoid sarcasm. Keep a normal tone of voice. Avoid adding every other problem to the current situation. Strive for a solution that satisfies both of you, or agree to disagree and take time to think and pray about it.
And…
Never Stop Flirting – But only with each other.
Remember when everything he said was funny? When you couldn’t wait to tell her how beautiful she looked? When dinner was so terrible you had to throw it out and go out for burgers, and it became your private joke?
Flirting says you care and that you are still fully invested.
Let’s pray…
A Prayer for a Marriage
That’s a Lasting Love Story
Heavenly Father, thank you for making us for love. Thank you for the blessing of family.
Please forgive us for failing to cherish our families as You intended. Please help us care for our families and love one another as You designed. By Your grace, help us do everything we can to enjoy a lasting love story.
We love You, Lord. Please give us everything we need to love each other well. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Marriage is not a big deal; it’s a bunch of little deals!
So, work on the little things. I promise you it’s worth it! Every effort. Every compromise. Every word of encouragement. It’s all part of something that has the potential of being the very best blessing in your life.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. [And] Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:9, 12
One more thing, and it’s very important…
It is possible to do every one of these things faithfully and have the other person completely blow apart your relationship.
We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. No one will do these things perfectly 100% of the time. That’s why forgiveness is an essential ingredient.
Don’t give up! Pray for God’s help to be the change you want to see in your relationship. Talk with your love about these truths and work together to apply them.
Remember…
With God’s help, everything is possible.
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What a beautiful piece Debbie, thank you.
Thank you too for the glimpse into your marriage with Rev.
I pray your heart is beginning to heal and “treasure up these things in your heart.”
I’m lifting you up to the Father, asking for His perfect peace for your heart.
May He Bless you and keep you✝️🙏💝
Love, Beth
This is so good! I know you must miss Rev. it sounds like you had a wonderful relationship. Thank you for sharing this list. I’m thankful my husband and I learned these although some were more difficult than others as we learned the art of loving well. Thankful we had/have a shared love of the Lord and matured and grew. Forgiveness is so important; as you pointed out, no one does these 100% of the time. Goodness, I wish I would have had someone give me this list when I was first married. It might have smoothed some of the bumps along the way. Every single one makes a difference! Thank you. Praying for the Father to give your heart comfort and peace.
Thank you, Cecilia. I was very blessed. You’re right, it’s a blessing to be with someone who is willing to learn those things with you. Thank you again for your kind encouragement. God bless you!
Deb, this is such a wonderful list of great wisdom. I love all of the things you listed and especially the last part of #13. Silly!! He and I are two of the silliest people in the world. If you happened by, or anyone else, our carport in the evening when we are watching TV and heard us, you would understand. We laugh and joke and act so silly. It is fun to be that way. We are both 80 years old and I would love to say going through our second childhood, but truthfully, we never got out of the first one!!
He is from a family that laughs a lot and I love that. When we all get together, we have the best time.
Respecting each other is so important and also being with your very best friend. He is my very best friend, and I would rather be with him than anyone.
We always KEEP GOD in the CENTER of things and I love that too.
I really have enjoyed the list that you and Rev. put together. Such wonderful Christian wisdom.
I pray that you have a safe and wonderful rest of this week and weekend.
Hugs, dear friend!
Laughter and a little silliness is the best. Rev and I often found the humor in the ridiculous. Laughing helped us through many difficult circumstances. He made me laugh from the first moment of our first date right up until the morning of the day he went to be with the Lord. I was very blessed. It sounds like you are too. Blessings and HUGS, dear friend!
Every person who is contemplating marriage or already in a committed relationship should read this wise advice and take it to heart. Thanks, Deb (and Rev) for this timely message. Blessings always!
Thanks so very much, Martha! They were truths learned over many years. I’m so thankful to have a man who wanted to learn those things with me.
That’s a perfect list of things to keep in mind about sustaining our marriages! You both were a fine example of love and commitment!
Thinking of you…Happy Anniversary!💕
Thank so much, Sandy! Much love to you and Jim.
Hallelujah and Amen, Amen and Amen!
Thank you, JoAnne. God bless you!
I shared this post with my adult children. They all ‘hearted’ it! Thank you Deb!
I’m glad it encouraged them, JoAnne. Thank you so much for sharing it with them. Blessings and hugs!