Things You Need to Do That Will Heal Your Broken Heart

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You loved big and you weren't loved in return and the pain feels overwhelming. But there are things you can do that will heal your broken heart. #BrokenHeart #Faith #Hope #Marriage #Parenting #Relationships

Your heart is broken! You loved big and you weren’t loved in return and the pain feels overwhelming.

If you click over to the Blessing Counters Prayer Page, healing and restoration of broken hearts caused by broken relationships is the number one prayer request.

No matter how hard you and I try, rejection is an unfortunate part of life and to say it hurts is an understatement. We simply can’t make everyone love us.

Something I’ve learned, from experience and from watching others, is that the closer the relationship and greater the love … the more intense the pain.

So, what are you supposed to do when your heart is broken?

When the pain is so great that you don’t want to get out of bed or do anything?

C. S. Lewis said,

“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

If you’re reading this, I’m guessing your heart is broken and you’re grieving, not the death of a person but the death of a relationship.

I’ve been where you are and I know the fear you’re feeling comes from wondering if—you’ll ever feel like yourself. You’ll ever trust again. You’ll ever love or be loved again.

You’re wondering if you’ll ever be happy again.

I want you to know, you will. You will heal and you will be happy again.

But be patient with yourself. Grieving takes time … it’s a process without a timetable. It’s something you walk through, not around or over. You have to live it out one day at a time.

The following is a list of things I actually used as I walked through my own season of heartbroken grief.

I believe they can help you walk through yours…

Things You Need to Do That Will Heal Your Broken Heart

You loved big and you weren't loved in return and the pain feels overwhelming. But there are things you can do that will heal your broken heart. #BrokenHeart #Faith #Hope #Marriage #Parenting #Relationships

1. PRAY! Pray again and pray some more. 

Cry out to God. He knows what you’re going through. He understands and He will help you.

Ask the Lord to comfort you and give you His strength and peace.  And as hard as it may seem … ask Him to help you forgive the person who broke your heart.

I remember how letting go of the pain seemed impossible. I knew I needed God’s help.

So, I turned to the Psalms and prayed…

Father, I am sad and tired. Make me strong again as You have promised. (Based on Psalm 119:28)

Father, Your Word says You hear our prayers when we call out to You for help … it says You rescue Your children from their troubles. It tells me that – You are close to the brokenhearted and rescue those whose spirits are crushed. I need Your help and Your healing touch. (Based on Psalm 34:17–18

Father, You understand what I’m going through. You know what it’s like to be rejected. I trust Your perfect and unfailing love. Please heal my broken heart. Amen.

2. Turn to God’s Truth and Trust His promises.

God never rejects or betrays His children when they come to Him for help. Never! His promises are true! He proved every single one in and through Jesus.

It’s hard to function when grief is overwhelming. I remember struggling to accomplish even the little things and going through the motions of life in a numb fog. By God’s grace, He guided me to grab my Bible and for the first time in my life, I read it … not for knowledge but with a hunger in my heart. I spent every spare moment in the Word with the Lord, allowing Him to fill me with His truth and promises.

Promises like…

He gives strength to those who are tired and power to those who are weak.

Isaiah 40:29

I can do all things through Christ because He gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

 Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31

And the one that became my life verse…

My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.

Psalm 73:26

And knowing He was able to hold me close and give me strength, help me to…

3. Breathe and Take Time to Heal.

Broken hearts don’t heal over night any more than broken bones do!

Accept the fact that healing will take time. Get counseling if you need it. Find a wise friend who has walked this path before you … who will walk alongside you giving you hope and encouragement.

You may have friends who don’t understand … that’s okay. This is your life, your journey … ask God to surround you with people who will simply be with you not try to fix you.

I like the following quote because even when the steps are small and the progress is slow … if you’re moving forward, you’re heading in the right direction.

“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.”

Author Unknown

Something I needed to remember was to…

4. Stop Reliving the Painful Memories.

Repeatedly reliving painful memories only robbed me of peace, contentment, and joy.

But I’ll be honest with you, this one was really hard for me. I kept wondering … What if I hadn’t said this; what if they hadn’t done that. What if!

I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, it’s not. But there is an important truth to remember… you and I get to choose what we think about. 

Negative thoughts and painful memories will inevitably come to mind … the enemy loves to taunt and discourage us with them but we get to decide how long we will allow them to linger and upset us.

One of the things I learned to do was to…

Set grieving appointments. I gave myself 15-30 minutes each day, to feel big and express painful emotions. I could cry, rant, stomp my feet, or punch a pillow. Whatever I needed to release what I was feeling. When the time was up, I’d take a breath and tell myself to let it go for that day. Then … when negative thoughts upset me, I’d remind myself that I would deal with them later at my appointment.

And when negative thoughts tried to derail me, I do my best to remember the following truths…

Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life.

Proverbs 4:23

Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Philippians 4:8

5. Do Things that Make You Happy

It’s easy to believe that feeling happy somehow denies your pain and grief. It doesn’t. Do things that bless you … things you love will help you heal.

Go out for coffee with a friend. Take a walk in the park. Buy yourself flowers. Eat a piece of chocolate. Make a list of your favorite things to do and check them off … one by one.

“Today I choose to let go of pain, hurt, resentment, sadness, guilt, and negativity that I’ve been holding onto and allowing to control my life. Today I choose happiness and above all love.” ~Author Unknown

You loved big and you weren't loved in return and the pain feels overwhelming. But there are things you can do that will heal your broken heart. #BrokenHeart #Faith #Hope #Marriage #Parenting #Relationships

6. Surround Yourself with Love

Don’t let your broken heart define you.

Spend time with people who love you. Allow the people who do love you to fill your joy tank. Pour yourself into the people God has placed around you. Look for someone to help … someone else who needs hope and encouragement.

“Live your life from your heart. Share from your heart. And your story will touch and heal people’s souls.”

Melody Beattie

Friend, God is greater than your helplessness and hopelessness. He is able to heal your broken heart.

He understands the pain of rejection. You can give the pieces of your broken heart to Jesus and let Him help you heal.

I’ll admit that occasionally painful thoughts still pop into my head but that doesn’t mean God hasn’t healed my broken heart. All it means is that it’s time to repeat these six steps and trust God to once again give me His perfect peace and fill me with joy.

The One who holds the universe in the palm of His hand loves you! He is able to give you everything you need. He will heal your broken heart!

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. He counts the stars and calls them all by name. How great is our Lord! His power is absolute! His understanding is beyond comprehension!

Psalm 147:3–5

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  1. Your words of advice here are stellar, Deb. No, our grief at the loss of a loved one or relationship doesn’t go away overnight, but leaning upon God for comfort and reassurance will keep us on the right path toward healing.

    1. Thank you, Martha! I’m amazed at His patience with me and all the ways He continues to lift me up when my heart hurts or I’m discouraged. Thanks for faithfully joining the conversation! You bless me! Blessings to you as well!

  2. Thanks so much, these words I am encouraged knowing that God will never rejects or abandoned me and the assurance of His love and His healing power. God bless you.

    1. Thank you, Patience. It’s so hard when people let us down but what a blessing to know that God never will. We are covered by His love, grace, and mercy. Thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to join the conversation! God bless you!

  3. Irene Martinez says:

    Why has God not answered my prayers and restored my marriage of 47 1/2 years? I’ve prayed and prayed for this for 3 years and he hasn’t answered my prayers.
    I don’t know if I believe that God is real. Yesterday or the last few days satan has won Over God .

    1. Oh, Irene, I’m so sorry! I promise He is not only real … He loves you very much. I have a relationship I have been asking God to heal and restore for many years. But God gave people free will. Your husband has the free will to return or not. God will not make him do it. Truthfully, there are so many things we all do that aren’t in line with God’s will for us. I’m praying for you, asking God to hold you close and show you how very much He loves you. I’m asking Him to begin the healing process in your heart and bless you with His goodness and grace.

      1. I think I know where she is at. She needs to understand GOD may have closed that door because she can not grow in the spirit with him. You can grow in pain, to be bitter, angry and unforgiving. Her focus needs to be on GOD himself and he will bring her joy in her heart once more. Her husband is not her savior GOD is. Trust him to bring you where you need to be. We only have one life let it be with someone who loves us dearly.

        1. That’s true … it’s just very hard to realize that in the middle of our pain. It takes time and the power of the Holy Spirit to heal our hearts and align us with God’s truth. It’s one of the reasons I SEEK to know the Lord more and more each day. He has been the Healer of my broken heart. Thanks so much for visiting and for stopping to share your thoughts. God bless you!

  4. I like that idea to give yourself a set time for each day to think on the struggles and then decide to not dwell on it for the rest of the day!

  5. I have a broken relationship from work. I miss my work family and feel bitter about how I was treated and invited to leave where I had been for 7 years. Please join me in praying that God will guide me. I had to leave where I was living to find employment.

    1. Sandra, I am so very sorry you are going through this difficult time. God has given us free will and sadly, we don’t always use it well. I am praying for you and asking God to guide you along the path He has already prepared. And praying that it will be a wonderful blessing. God bless you!

  6. Your post was spot on. I especially needed to hear that there isn’t a timetable. Of course, I wanted the hurt done a couple of years ago. It does take a long time to heal.

    1. Thank you, Elaine! I hear you on wanting the pain to end quickly. I still have difficult days and it’s been many years which is why I keep the steps handy and repeat them as often as necessary. Thanks again and God bless you!

  7. Debra Jean says:

    Wonderful post Deb! Yes, Jesus has been there He can understand because He was betrayed by one of His very close friends. I especially love the quote in #3 it made me think of a turtle or bird hatching from their shell, it is a slow process and I am sure a lot of work for the little guy. Thanks for the fabulous tips!

  8. Jamal Qandah says:

    Thank you very much for your amazing words .. Iam blessed and helped .. in the wonderful promising of the Lord in the
    scripture … thank you

  9. I was just broken up with by the man I imagined spending the rest of my life with. We were happy and making plans together. I still love him, but I know everything happens according to God’s will. I needed this article today and I feel as though God is showing me everything will be okay. If you could just please pray for me, for us, for God’s healing hands on my heart. Thank you so much for your words.

    1. I am so sorry, Anena! That is such a difficult path to walk. I am so glad this blessed and encouraged you. I’m asking God to hold you close and continue to encourage you in the days and weeks ahead. God bless you!

  10. Jenni Hinrichsen says:

    Heart ❤️ break is so very painful – my friends and family have prayed for a clean break – 10 months on now and I am only beginning to understand there ???? hearts ???? when they were praying- I am so muddled up by the break up – I pray and ask God for a cease fire to my pain – something needs to shift or change and I don’t know what where how – your prayers would be heartfelt and heartwarming and most of all I so seek God’s outcome . Bless you ALL

    1. Jenni, I’m so sorry! The pain of a broken heart can feel overwhelming! I’m asking God to hold you close and give you hope for the future. He is with you … you are not walking through this alone. God bless you now and into the future!

  11. I’m still healing from a break up that took place in January. Saw him in February and told him not to contact me ever again. Guess who contacted me this past Monday? I almost agreed to meet with him, but I could hear God saying no. I’m not as brokenhearted as I was in January and February, but it still hurts. One day at a time and lots of praying.

    1. Oh, Amy, that’s a lot to try to manage. Trusting God in this is exactly where He wants you and I’m sure the Lord will continue to heal your heart and give you His peace and strength as you lean into His loving arms. God bless you!

    1. You’re very welcome, Lawrence! Thank you so much for visiting and for stopping to say “hello.”