You Need This Helpful Truth Before Being Critical

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It feels like being critical has become a popular pastime, especially on social media… people seem to love ridiculing the flaws they see in others.

Criticism comes in many forms; today we’re going to focus on two:

• Constructive criticism is useful advice intended to help or improve something, often with possible solutions. It values the relationship and wants to be helpful.
• Destructive criticism is demeaning and intentionally hurtful. It does not value relationships and only wants to prove people wrong and demean them.

Random criticism that doesn’t care about an individual’s feelings is always destructive. It is intended to make the critic right, not to help or improve the person being criticized.

Constructive criticism is done in person with kindness and without an audience.

So, here are some…

Helpful things to do before being critical.

1. Ask yourself whether you want to be helpful or hurtful.
2. Consider whether you want to help the person or just win the moment.
3. Reflect on the person’s life experiences and current circumstances.
4. Think about ways you can start with something positive and encouraging.
5. Decide to avoid words like “always and never.”
6. Keep in mind that you may not get the outcome you want. (Will it still be worth it?)
7. Determine that you will keep it to yourself with anyone other than the person themselves.

Consider the following:

Do I really want to help this person, or am I just being selfish?

Remember, Jesus said…

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”

Matthew 7:12

If we want people to be kind and compassionate with us, we need to be kind and compassionate with them.

Let’s pray…

A Prayer Before Being Critical

Heavenly Father, thank you for loving us as You do, and thank you for Your Word that reveals Your love and tells us how You want us to love one another.

From the moment sin entered the world, we have had a problem with our words. Abraham lied, and the wilderness wanderers criticized. Many were prideful, loving to point out others’ faults and failures.

The Spirit inspired James to write…

“No one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.” (James 3:8–9)

We are all guilty, Father. Please forgive us and help us speak the truth with gentleness and respect. May our constant goal be to shine the light of Your love as we encourage one another to live and love like Jesus.

By the power of Your Spirit, please give me a heart and mind that make it a goal to stop being critical and to focus on speaking Your love through words that are patient and encouraging.

May any criticism we share be constructive and encouraging, pointing those we know and love to You and all the blessings You want for them.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

Quotes to consider about being critical…

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”

Matthew 18:15 (GNT)

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do.” ~Benjamin Franklin 

So let’s stop criticizing each other. Instead, you should decide never to do anything that would make other Christians have doubts or lose their faith.

Romans 12:!3

It’s hard to criticize someone if you are praying for them.” ~Elizabeth George

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a sharp word causes anger.

Proverbs 15:1

“Christlike communications are expressions of affection and not anger, truth and not fabrication, compassion and not contention, respect and not ridicule, counsel and not criticism, correction and not condemnation. They are spoken with clarity—not with confusion. They may be tender, or they may be tough, but they must always be tempered.” ~ L. Lionel Kendrick

Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.

Ephesians 4:29

“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.” ~John Wooden

If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 

1 John 1:8–9

Some final thoughts…

I’ve been on all sides of criticism.

I’ve received helpful and hurtful criticism, and I’ve given constructive and destructive criticism. I’ve spoken criticism as gossip, and yes, I’ve been the person critically gossiped about.

Our words can build relationships, and they can destroy them.

We need God’s grace. We need His forgiveness, and we need His help to forgive others.

One thing I know: I want to carefully consider the things listed above before being critical of others.

And I may also have to limit my time on social media, where being critical is an extremely popular sport.

May the Lord bless you and surround you with people who choose to speak words of encouragement and love.

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