Tag Archives: The Relationship Project

You Need to Know the Biblical Way to Share Your Opinions

You Need to Know the Biblical Way to Share Your Opinions by Deb Wolf

You’re upset. You know you’re right and they’re wrong.

The people who make the decisions are taking things in the wrong direction.

These people can be the decision makers for the country, at work, at church, in your neighborhood . . . you may even feel this struggle at home.

So, what are you supposed to do? You have strong opinions and it’s becoming impossible to hold them in much longer.

And of course, your opinions are right. Right?!

You feel the need to vent and you know you have several like-minded friends on social media who would be more than happy to vent with you.

I understand, I have opinions I feel strongly about too, just ask Rev!

But you and I are Christians, followers of Jesus . . . so maybe we need to slow down, take a deep breath, and take a closer look at what the Bible says about the ways we should share our beliefs with others.

The Biblical Way to Share Your Opinions

Be willing to accept those who still have doubts about what believers can do. And don’t argue with them about their different ideas. Romans 14:1 (ERV)

Hmmm. That’s pretty clear, isn’t it? Don’t argue about different ideas.  The truth is you’re probably not going to change anyone’s thinking by forcefully sharing your own. All you do is force people to take sides and divide along thought lines. Besides, it’s not your job. The Holy Spirit is in the business of changing hearts and minds.

So…

My dear brothers and sisters, always be more willing to listen than to speak. Keep control of your anger. Anger does not help you live the way God wants. So get rid of everything evil in your lives—every kind of wrong you do. Be humble and accept God’s teaching that is planted in your hearts. This teaching can save you. James 1:19–21 (ERV)

This is clear, too. Listen. Control your anger. Live the way God wants. Get rid of evil in your life. Be humble and accept God’s teaching.

And…

Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your hope as a believer, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. 1 Peter 3:15–16a (NLT)

Maybe you and I are supposed to talk more about the blessings God is working in our lives than we tell others what they should be doing with theirs. Can you imagine a world where Christians were set apart by the gentle and respectful way we talked to others? (I’m feeling a little convicted on that one.)

The Bible even tells you and me how to worship Christ as Lord of our lives…

 So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31 (NLT)

For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:20 (NLT)

And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17 (NLT)

Because of His amazing grace and unfailing love, God gave His all to give you and me abundant life. There are so many wonderful things we can choose to focus on besides the negatives that cause us to argue and judge.

What if we every action, conversation, and social media post was preceded with the question…

Does this glorify God?

Gentleness and respect are love in action. Is it possible we could express more love in the way we share our opinions with each other?

Here are some Biblical Ways to Help…

Be Slow to Judge

  • Keep your heart tender – Ephesians 4:32
  • Recognize your own sins – Romans 3:23
  • Remember the mission is to extend God’s love to hurting people – Proverbs 15:4

Put Away Your Weapons

  • Words can be weapons of mass destruction – Proverbs 12:18
  • Don’t divide God’s army into regiments by stirring up strife – Proverbs 6:16–19
  • Avoid venting when you’re angry – Psalm 4:4

Ask for God’s Help

  • Pray – 1 John 5:14
  • Wait on God to open doors for you – 1 Chronicles 16:11
  • Pray again – Ephesians 6:18

I need to be honest with you. This list comes from a past of unnecessary opinion sharing. I used to be a “fixer.” I’d see a problem and charge in wielding my word weapons determined to win the opinion war.

But wars always have casualties. 

Yes, there were certainly times when God led His people into battle quickly . . . but there were also times when He told them to wait while He went ahead of them and prepared the way. Either way, the point is that God was doing the leading.

Just because you and I are agitated about something doesn’t mean that God is preparing us for battle. He might be, but He might just be inviting us to pray for the individuals whose battle it is to fight and trust the Holy Spirit to speak truth not opinions. 

I’m learning. No, I’m not where I want to be yet. 

But when it comes to opinion sharing word wars, I’m making every effort to pray first and then pray more. I need God’s help to keep my eyes on Him and trust His Spirit’s guidance. I need His patience and strength as I wait for Him to open doors. And I need Him to give me gentle and respectful words when He directs me to speak.

You Need to Know the Biblical Way to Share Your Opinions by Deb Wolf

Quotes to Think About

“Compassion costs. It is easy enough to argue, criticize, and condemn, but redemption is costly, and comfort draws from the deep. Brains can argue, but it takes heart to comfort.” ~ Samuel Chadwick

“Persistence in prayer for someone whom we don’t like, however much it goes against the grain to begin with, brings about a remarkable change in attitude.” ~ F. F. Bruce

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ~ Roy T. Bennett

“Tolerance isn’t about not having beliefs. It’s about how your beliefs lead you to treat people who disagree with you.” ~ Timothy J. Keller

Friends, gentleness and respect are love in action. Today may we express love in the way we express our opinions.

With God’s help . . . we can do this!

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How To Be a Safe Space for Your Friends

How to be a Safe Space for Your Friends - Counting My Blessings

Do you get nervous when you’re meeting someone new?

It’s understandable because I believe we’ve all experienced times when we’ve been with women who are quick to compare, critique, judge and belittle.

We want girlfriends, women who can relate to life from the feminine perspective and cheer us on along the way.

I’ve always wanted a sister, so I’m thankful for the sisterhood of friends.

But…

Like you, I still get nervous when I’m meeting someone new.

And that’s where I found myself last week. I packed and repacked my suitcase wondering about these women I’d known online for a couple of years but was meeting face to face. Seriously, there were all kinds of reasons to question whether we’d all get along.

  1. Age – we spanned decades and I’m the oldest.
  2. Appearance – admit it, women can be hard on each other.
  3. Demographics – we’re from different locations and backgrounds.
  4. Politics – that one doesn’t even need explanation.
  5. Faith – even though we’re all Christians we’re from different church bodies.
  6. Blogs – we had every reason in the world to compare and compete.

And that’s a lot of reasons to wonder if I’d be able to relax and feel safe with these new friends.

So, yes, I was nervous.

But it didn’t last.

I quickly realized, this group is safe…

Age didn’t matter, appearance wasn’t important, demographics offered interest and accents. Politics weren’t discussed. Faith focused on Jesus and not on denominational differences and blogs . . . well, we know we’re all better when we help each other.

You might be wondering how I figured that out so quickly…

It happened as we shared our stories and made ourselves vulnerable.

One of the girls said, “I want to know more. Tell me your testimony.”

And we did.

One by one, we went around the table telling each other about our broken places and the beautiful ways Jesus has delivered us and pieced us back together.

I can’t stop thinking about that evening and the beauty of how our hearts connected and one thought keeps coming to mind…

We need to create a safe space for story sharing.

I know “safe space” is a trigger phrase right now but you don’t have to agree to offer safety. Keep reading to learn the 5 things I believe we need to offer safety in our relationships.

now "safe space" is a trigger phrase right now but you don't have to agree to offer safety. Here are 5 ways you can be a safe space for your friends.

How To Be a Safe Space for Your Friends

♥ Really Listen to Their Story

Good listening includes eye contact and undivided attention. It doesn’t interrupt and makes the person talking feel valued. Good listening is patient and humble.

“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. ” ~Rachel Naoli Remen

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. Philippians 2:3–4 (NLT)

♥ Without Judging

It’s easy to blame parents when their children fail. Or ask whether someone diagnosed with lung cancer was a smoker. We want to believe if we “do it right” we’ll be safe from problems; so we blame the person and hope they are just living out the consequences of their less than perfect choices. Oh, we love to judge others by their circumstances.

But the truth is…

 If you haven’t lived someone’s life, you have no right to judge them.

It’s just that simple.

“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.” ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 (NLT)

♥ With Compassion, Kindness, and Love

It takes so little effort to be compassionate and kind . . . to let someone know you care more about them than their past and only the best for their future. That’s love. 1 Corinthians 13 Godly love that’s humble, patient, kind, and compassionate.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” ~Plato

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)

♥ With Privacy

We can only feel safe sharing our stories when we trust others to keep them private. It is a rare gift to have someone trust me with their brokenness; so, I always try to remember their story is not mine to tell. I am only able to control the words I speak. Once I tell someone else the private details of a friend’s life, I am potentially opening a floodgate of gossip that drowns our friendship with betrayal and hurt.

“If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” ~Amy Carmichael

A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers. Proverbs 20:19 (NLT)

♥ With Follow-up

Don’t forget to check in with a friend who has openly shared their brokenness with you. Let them know you care about them and that you’re praying for them. Be a living example of God’s love in their lives. I promise it will grow your friendship and bless you both!

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” ~Albert Schweitzer

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Proverbs 17:17 (NLT)

How to be a Safe Space for Your Friends - Counting My Blessings

Friends, we need to make it safe for our friends to share their stories by listening without judging, with compassion, kindness, and love, with privacy, and with follow-up.

When we do give counsel, may we offer it with gentleness and respect.

May we love well and make it easy for our sisters to safely share their stories because dear friends, it is in the safe space that we nurture our friendships and watch them grow.

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Thanks! And God bless!

You Need to Know How God Hears Your Cries

The voices of God's children cry out from all over the world . . . yet, God hears the person behind each voice and responds to every cry.

I remember the birth of our first child like it happened yesterday.

She was born on her due date, following a mercifully manageable and unmedicated labor and delivery. Her first cry was strong and healthy, and Rev and I praised God and cried for joy as she cried over the overwhelming change of breath, sounds, and bright lights.

Over the next few days (yes, she was born back when they didn’t send you home the next day), she stayed in my room. I started to learn her unique personality as I cared for and soothed her.

The last night in the hospital the staff suggested I get a little extra sleep before beginning my 24/7 responsibilities and offered to take our girl to the nursery for the night. They promised to bring her in for feedings but in between – I could sleep.

As I was already tired both physically and emotionally, I agreed.

But then…

I could hear her crying.

On a floor filled with moms and newborns, I could hear my daughter’s cries.

I walked down the hall, approached the nursery door, knocked gently, and asked to have her back. They handed me my red-faced teary-eyed seven-and-a-half pound bundle and I whispered into her ear that I was with her and everything would be okay.

It only took a moment for her to relax against my chest as we wandered back to our room to rest.

When I think of that night, I’m reminded of how Scripture says…

God “hears my cries.”

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry to Him reached His ears. Psalm 18:6

Morning, noon, and night I cry out in my distress, and the Lord hears my voice. Psalm 55:17

Praise the Lord! For He has heard my cry for mercy. Psalm 28:6

My voice is not just a voice in the crowd and neither is yours.

The voices of God’s children cry out from all over the world . . . yet, He knows the person behind each voice and responds to every cry.

God knows the person behind each voice and responds to every cry.

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He always comes to soothe, comfort and care for the personal needs of each of His children.

Like my precious little one who was only comforted by the sound of the voice she was growing to count on; you and I are comforted by our Father, whose voice we can count on and trust.

It’s so easy for me to look around at life changes I don’t understand. I can get anxious and overwhelmed. At least that’s what happens when I forget to cry out. When I fail to remember how intimately my Father knows me.

The voices of God's children cry out from all over the world . . . yet, God hears the person behind each voice and responds to every cry.

You Need to Know How God Hears Your Cries

My cry is one of a kind in God’s ears and so is yours.

God knows you.

I loved the process of getting to know the unique character and personality of each of my children. But it took time. That the Father, my Creator, knows everything about me is amazing.

You go before me and follow me.
    You place your hand of blessing on my head.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too great for me to understand!

You made my whole being;
    you formed me in my mother’s body.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered! Psalm 139:5–6, 13, 17

The very hairs on your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30

Have you ever looked down at an ant hill and watched them scurry here and there. I think to some that’s how they imagine God looking down on the world.

But you and I are not just one of many to some higher being out there somewhere. We are the uniquely created one-of-a-kind children of a loving Father who knows every tiny detail about each of us and loves us completely.

God comes for you.

God came for us. He knew we couldn’t save ourselves. We’re messy people living in a messy world. And God came for us. Jesus came and lived among messy people, died, rose again, and gave us the Holy Spirit.

 But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. Romans 5:8

The Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know how to pray as we should. But the Spirit himself speaks to God for us, even begs God for us with deep feelings that words cannot explain. Romans 8:26

You and I needed our Father to come for us. Like helpless newborns, we are completely dependent but that’s okay . . . we have a God who loves us so much He comes to us to meet our every need.

God comforts you.

Our daughter knew my voice that night in the nursery. It was the voice she heard for months before she was born. It was the voice she needed to bring her comfort.

I said, “I am about to fall,”
    but, Lord, your love kept me safe.
I was very worried, but
You comforted me and made me happy. Psalm 94:18–19

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:3

I need to know my Father’s voice to receive the comfort He offers. So, I spend time with Him in prayer and I study His Word. I want to recognize His whispers when the screams of those around me distract and concern.

And the more I know Him, the more I trust His love and care.

The voices of God's children cry out from all over the world . . . yet, God hears the person behind each voice and responds to every cry.

He cares for you.

He knows your needs and mine. He wants what is good for us. And because of His overwhelming love and amazing grace, He hears each quiet sigh and sees each tear that falls.

And even when He doesn’t give me everything I want, He perfectly meets my every need.

My God will use His wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to
give you everything you need. Philippians 4:19

Give your worries to the Lord,
    and He will take care of you.
    He will never let good people down. Psalm 55:22

I could not leave my daughter in the hospital nursery crying without going to comfort her because I loved her so much each sob broke my heart. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much He cannot leave us to cry alone. He always comes to us with comfort and care because He is love.

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. 1 Peter 5:7 (AMP)

And remember…

So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him. Matthew 7:11

Leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and stop to pray one or two of the requests listed.

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I LOVE hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

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50 Prayer Prompts that will Inspire Your Writing

Do you have that blank, what in the world should I write, feeling? Me too! So I wrote 50 Prayer Prompts for blog post ideas or prayer journal inspiration.

Do you have that blank, what in the world, should I write feeling?

You have a deadline looming and you’re out of ideas. You’ve prayed and thought and prayed some more but your typically wordy self is at a loss.

Please tell me I’m not alone.

I love writing about the ways God is at work in my life. . . . the way He’s gotten me through past struggles and given me hope for the future.

About everyday faith . . . how my relationship with God through Jesus gives me freedom, joy, patience, and peace and how I love searching the pages of the Bible for truth and wisdom.

Often the words just flow…

But once in a while, they don’t. I feel like I’ve written and rewritten the same posts and if I haven’t written it—you have.

I need help and wondered if you do too.

So, I’ve been brainstorming and writing as many ideas as I can think of to help me on those occasions when I’m at a loss for words.

Today’s prompts are on prayer. You can use them for blog post ideas or if you’re not a blogger, use them as topics for your prayer journal. However use them, here are…

Prayer -50 Prayer Prompts that will Inspire Your Writing

Do you have that blank, what in the world should I write, feeling? Me too! So I wrote 50 Prayer Prompts for blog post ideas or prayer journal inspiration.

Prayer the Who, How, What, When, and Why…

  1. Why is Prayer Important to You?
  2. What Does the Bible Say about Prayer?
  3. If God Knows Everything – Why Should I Pray?
  4. What Does it Mean to “Pray without Ceasing?”
  5. How Fasting has Blessed Your Prayer Life.
  6. Who Taught You to Pray and What Lessons Do You Still Apply Today.
  7. How Having a Prayer Mentor has Blessed You.
  8. How Your Prayers Have Changed as You’ve Gotten Older.
  9. Write about a Time When God Answered Your Prayer.
  10. Share Advice on Why You Keep Praying When God Says No or Wait.

Think of this like reporting. Tell your story and let people in on the ways prayer impacts your life. An example from CMB – How to Put More Life in Your Prayer Life.

“The reality is, my prayers don’t change God.  But, I am convinced prayer changes me.  Praying boldly boots me out of that stale place of religious habit into authentic connection with God Himself.” – Lysa TerKeurst

10 Things to Pray for…

  1. 10 Things to Pray for Your Children
  2. 10 Things to Pray for Your Spouse
  3. 10 Things to Pray for Your Parents
  4. 10 Things to Pray for Your Pastor and Church Staff
  5. 10 Things to Pray for Your Community

This offers an endless supply of ideas. Pray for your child’s teacher, your friends, your children’s friends, your neighbors, or for someone you know who is doubting, grieving, or struggling with life. Some examples from CMB – 10 Things to Pray for Your Big Crazy Family.

“I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day.” – Abraham Lincoln

Verses to Pray that…

  1. List 5 – 7 Verses that Give You Hope
  2. 5 – 7 Verses to Pray that will Strengthen Your Faith
  3. 5 – 7 Verses to Pray when Your Heart is Broken
  4. 5 – 7 Verses to Pray when You Need to Forgive
  5. 5 – 7 Verses to Pray when Waiting is Hard

Some of my favorite posts are ones that share God’s promises with examples of how I can pray them. Many people talk about “praying Scripture” but it took me a while to understand what that meant or how to actually do it. Reading examples helped me so much. Here’s one from CMB – 5 Verses to Pray When You Need Wisdom. 

Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times. Romans 12:12

Prayer Journal tips…

  1. Why You Keep a Prayer Journal
  2. How to Set Up a Prayer Journal
  3. 10 Prayer Journal Prompts
  4. Prayer Journal Printables
  5. How a Prayer Journal is Helping You Defeat Fear and Worry

I know there have been a lot of posts written about prayer journaling but keeping a journal is personal and intimate . . . so, your tips and prompts may be the perfect thought someone needs to have a faith growing time with the Lord. An example from CMB – 10 Ways to Focus and Make Prayer More Meaningful. 

“Don’t be overwhelmed . . . take it one day and one prayer at a time.” ~ Stormie Omartian

Do you have that blank, what in the world should I write, feeling? Me too! So I wrote 50 Prayer Prompts for blog post ideas or prayer journal inspiration.

Prayer at Church…

  1. Why Prayer is Important for Your Church
  2. How Small Group Prayer has Blessed You
  3. When Sharing Prayer Requests Becomes Gossip
  4. Why You Should Replace “I’ll Pray for You” with Prayer
  5.  The Importance of Prayer for Church Unity

Our churches, pastors, and ministry staffs need a covering of prayer. Your friends who sit in the pew near you need prayer. Visitors to your church need prayer. The spiritual battle going on around our churches is real and ongoing. AND faith families grounded in prayer are stronger against the battle. An example from CMB – 10 Ways to Love the People at Church When You Don’t Want To.

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer. Acts 2:42

Prayer Favorites…

  1. Favorite Quotes about Prayer
  2. Favorite Books about Prayer
  3. Favorite Verses that Inspire You to Pray
  4. Favorite Verses for Your War Room Wall
  5. Favorite Bloggers who Write about Prayer

Tell people about the things that have helped your prayer life. What books inspired you? Which verses do you keep on your War Room wall? Whose blog posts make you drop to your knees? An example from CMB – Practical Help by Faithful Pray-ers that will Bless You.

“Prayer is the nearest approach to God and the highest enjoyment of Him that we are capable of in this life.” ~William Law

The Best Verses to Pray…

  1. When You’re Afraid
  2. When You’re Heartbroken
  3. When You Don’t Know What to Do
  4. When You’re Alone
  5. When You Need More Faith
  6. When You’re Ill
  7. When You Need Forgiveness
  8. When You Need to Know the Truth
  9. When You Need Hope
  10. When You Want to Worship and Thank God

Do you love digging through Scripture? Do you keep a list of verses to help when life is hard? Keep a list in your prayer journal and share it with a hurting friend. When life gets busy, when I’m feeling overwhelmed, or a friend is hurting . . . having God’s truth exactly what I need.   An example from CMB – How to Pray for Someone Who is Afraid.

But each day the Lord pours His unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing His songs, praying to God who gives me life. Psalm 42:9

Written Prayers…

  1. A Prayer for Your Exhausted Mommy Moments
  2. A Prayer for Your Visit with a Sick Friend
  3. A Prayer for When You Don’t Know What to Pray
  4. A Prayer for the Country
  5. A Prayer to Know and Surrender to God’s Will

I remember the day I called Rev in tears saying, “I don’t know what to pray. I need you to pray with me.” When we don’t know how to put our emotions into prayer it helps when someone else has the words. If you can write the words . . . you may never know how many people you’ll bless when they can’t turn their pain into prayer. An example from CMB – A Prayer for When You Don’t Want to Surrender.

“Prayer is not asking. Prayer is putting oneself in the hands of God, at His disposition, and listening to His voice in the depth of our hearts.” – Mother Teresa

50 Prompts Printable
Click on the Graphic for a Printable Version. 

Do you have that blank, what in the world should I write, feeling? Me too! So I wrote 50 Prayer Prompts for blog post ideas or prayer journal inspiration.

So, tell me . . . did I miss anything? What helps you when you can’t find the right words?

Leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and stop to pray one or two of the requests listed.

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Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

I LOVE hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below… ;

5 of the Best Ways to Turn Your Bad Mood into Joy

We're talking about the plain and simple bad mood that interferes with attitudes, productivity, and relationships. Here are 5 ways to improve your mood.

Have you ever started the day in a pretty good mood . . . okay, maybe it took a couple of cups of coffee but then you were good to go.

I’d like to think I’m a positive person.

But…

Then there are those times when a thought or memory, a post on Facebook, or someone else’s bad attitude can dull my sparkle.

Then there are the times…

When I can’t name the specific catalyst, I decide a bunch of little annoyances have added up and left me feeling annoyed and dissatisfied.

Maybe you can relate.

I’m not talking about sadness because something bad happened or even remorse from living out a choice I wish I could undo.

This is just a plain and simple bad mood that interferes with my attitude, productivity, and relationships.

Okay, I’ve identified the problem  – now what?

What do you do when you are in a bad mood?

    • Go shopping?
    • Eat a candy bar?
    • Snap at the closest victim?

Yeah, I’ve done those things, too but even though I might feel better momentarily they don’t help for very long.

So, to help going forward, I’ve made a list of things I know will improve my mood and restore joy to my day.

We're talking about the plain and simple bad mood that interferes with attitudes, productivity, and relationships. Here are 5 ways to improve your mood.

5 of the Best Ways to Turn Your Bad Mood into Joy

Turn to God

Keep God’s promises close. Write them on post-it-notes, in journals, on notecards, or keep them on your phone. Download a Bible App like YouVersion and keep a list of highlighted verses. 

Stop and turn His promises into prayers.

You, Lord, give true peace to those who depend on you, because they trust you. Isaiah 26:3

Father, I need your peace. I am depending on and trusting in You. Please fill me with you perfect peace and restore my joy. Amen.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Father, I am asking You to fill me with Your joy and peace. I put my trust in You. By the power of Your Holy Spirit, please help me. I know if I have You, I have everything I need . . . more than enough to live with joy. Thank you for Your grace and mercy. Thank you for loving me. Amen.

Eat Healthy

I am often tempted to grab a coffee and skip breakfast, but I always feel better when I start with something nutritious. I’m at my best when I eat five or six small meals throughout the day and drink plenty of water.

And as much as I would prefer to live on cookies and cupcakes I have finally given in to the fact that sugar is not my friend. Oh, I love it when I eat at the moment but hate how I feel later. It’s just not worth it.

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live.”  ~Jim Rohn

Move Around

Change your view and change your mood.

When I sit and let my mind spin on life’s junk I’m guaranteed a bad mood. So, I’m practicing the fine art of getting up and getting active. It doesn’t take a full workout. Just a few moments of doing something else is usually enough to change my thoughts. One of my favorites is to dance around to a great worship song.

“Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional, and mental states.”
~Carol Welch

Laugh

Many things that tank my mood are funny when I choose to look at them from a different perspective. Somebody else’s bad mood, a bad driver or traffic jam, computer glitches, things that break, hard memories and problems can only ruin my mood if I allow them to.

If I think I might laugh about it later, why not laugh about it now. Or call a friend who is great at making you laugh and lightening your mood. Change your thoughts . . . you’ll change your attitude.

Friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Philippians 4:8 (MSG)

Breathe

Take 10 -15 slow deep breaths. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Someone very dear to me calls it, “in with the butterflies and out with the bees.”

Even better . . . think about breathing out junk and breathing in the life-giving Spirit of God.

Breathe out the past and breathe in the future. Breathe out anxiety and breathe in peace. Breathe out discouragement and breathe in hope. Just breathe!

We're talking about the plain and simple bad mood that interferes with attitudes, productivity, and relationships. Here are 5 ways to improve your mood.

Quotes to Turn a Bad Mood to Joy

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius

But let those who follow you be happy and glad. They love you for saving them. May they always say, “Praise the Lord!” Psalm 40:16

“Act the way you WANT to feel.” – Gretchen Rubin

Your help made me so happy. Give me that joy again. Make my spirit strong and ready to obey you. Psalm 51:12 (ERV)

“Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.” ~Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that you can have the same joy I have and so that your joy will be the fullest possible joy.” John 15:11

“A Christian should be an Alleluia from head to foot” ~Augustine of Hippo

So – Stop and confess your bad attitude and ask God to give you a new one. 

Yep! That’s what I’m doing and when I get over myself and ask for God’s help . . . He is faithful every time.

What’s your favorite way to turn your bad mood into joy?

My brothers and sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need. James 1:2-4

Be full of joy in the Lord always. I will say again, be full of joy. Philippians 4:4

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8 Verses that Challenge My View of the World

I'm looking at verses from God's Word and their influence on my world view. A challenge to myself about "following the crowd" or following God's love.

This is one of those posts that won’t make me the most popular blogger on the block. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about and feel the need to discuss here.

I’m reading through a Chronological Version of the Bible this year and the last few months I’ve been working my way through the kings and prophets. Kings, Chronicles, Isaiah, Nahum, Jeremiah, etc.

And one thing keeps going through my mind…

If God is, and I believe He is, the same yesterday, today, and forever how can we so easily pass over His command to obey His laws.

I’m not talking about sacrificial laws but commandments like . . . having no other gods and honoring the Sabbath.

And before I go any further, please know I’m challenging myself here.

You see, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is how often the Children of Israel, God’s chosen people, just “followed the crowd.”

So, I’m thinking about the idols in my life, the way I spend the Sabbath, and other commandments society says no longer apply.

8 Verses that Challenge My View of the World

The Lord says, “These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote.” Isaiah 29:13

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,”  says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8–9

“My people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols!” Jeremiah 2:11b

“My people have stubborn and rebellious hearts. They have turned away and abandoned me. The do not say from the heart, ‘Let us live in awe of the Lord, our God'” Jeremiah 5:23–24

“How can you say, ‘We are wise because we have the word of the Lord,’ when your teachers have twisted it by writing lies?” Jeremiah 8:8

Then the Lord said, “For I solemnly warned your ancestors when I brought them out of Egypt, ‘Obey me!’ I have repeated this warning over and over to this day, but your ancestors did not listen or even pay attention. Instead, they stubbornly followed their own evil desires.” Jeremiah 11:6–8

I'm looking at verses from God's Word and their influence on my world view. A challenge to myself about "following the crowd" or following God's love.

It’s always been so easy to look at God’s Old Testament people and wonder how they could turn away from Him and rely on idols again and again. But the truth, I think, is they didn’t even know what they were doing.

They were just listening to popular thinking and going along.

It happens so easily, doesn’t it? There are plenty of “teachers and scholars” who want us to believe that God’s commands no longer apply.

That takes me back to His words…

“I am the Lord; that is my name! I will not give my glory to anyone else, nor share my praise with carved idols.” Isaiah 42:8

“Who has done such mighty deeds, summoning each new generation from the beginning of time? It is I, the Lord, the First and the Last. I alone am He.” Isaiah 41:4

But in all my thinking something has given me hope . . . God used King Josiah to change the hearts and minds of His people.

King Josiah summoned all the leaders of Judah and Jerusalem, and together they went to the Temple, accompanied by the priests and the prophets and all the rest of the people, rich and poor alike. Before them all the king read aloud the whole book of the covenant which had been found in the Temple. He stood by the royal column and made a covenant with the Lord to obey Him, to keep His laws and commands with all his heart and soul, and to put into practice the demands attached to the covenant, as written in the book. And all the people promised to keep the covenant. 2 Kings 23:1–3

I'm looking at verses from God's Word and their influence on my world view. A challenge to myself about "following the crowd" or following God's love.

So, I’m prayerfully studying God’s Word and challenging myself to…

  1. know and love God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength.
  2. study His commands and know His will.
  3. worship Him with awe and wonder.
  4. serve Him faithfully.
  5. completely rely on Jesus for forgiveness when I fail.

I know I am covered by grace. I just don’t ever want to take that grace for granted.

It’s not about having to follow a list of “laws,’ it’s about getting to surrender my all to the God of the universe. Because the First and the Last, same yesterday, today, and forever God is not some far away entity . . . He is my personal Creator, Savior, and the Lover of my soul.

It’s our response. Always our response.

I’d love for you to join me as I challenge myself to know His commands and follow them because of love.

“If Christians around the world were to suddenly renounce their personal agendas, their life goals and their aspirations, and begin responding in radical obedience to everything God showed them. the world would be turned upside down. How do we know? Because that’s what first century Christians did, and the world is still talking about it.” ~Henry T. Blackaby

Now it’s time for…

Faith ‘n Friends Link Party

Counting My Blessings

I’m so glad you’re here!

This is a place to share faith, make friends, and have fun.

I’d love to connect with you on social media!

I’m finding #Friendship and #Inspiration at #Faith ‘n Friends #LinkUp Come join the fun!

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Deb Wolf
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Feature Post

I’m excited to share the following posts with you this week.

Five Minute Friday: Friend

by Sarah Geringer

@ Finding Peace in God’s Word

Five Minute Friday: Friend by Sarah Geringer

and

Hope for the Woman Who is Tired of Waiting

by Ifeoma Samuel

@ Purposeful and Meaningful

Hope for the Woman Who is Tired of Waiting by Ifeoma Samuel

Thank you, Sarah and Ifeoma, for partying with us!

No More Rules Link Party

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I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

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The Best Ways to Choose Friends and Protect Your Heart

I did some research, searched Scriptures, and looked back at past experiences to come up with my list of the best ways for us to choose friends.

“The company you keep says a lot about you, because your friends have a major influence on how you feel, think, and behave. Friends influence your choices.” (Psychology Today)

The people with whom you and I spend our time have a huge impact on almost every area of our lives and let’s face it, with busy schedules we only have a limited amount of time to engage with friends anyway.

So, it’s extremely important to choose our closest friends wisely.

Have you ever had a friendship end and wondered, “What in the world was I thinking?”

Yep, me too.

I think most of us have had at least one “what was I thinking” relationship?

And a few of you may be thinking, “who am I kidding, I’m like a magnet for the wrong people.”

Whether your relationship is with a family member or friend, playing well with others isn’t always easy.

And the truth is . . . you and I aren’t perfect either. There are probably a few people out there trying to figure out how to get along with us. We all struggle with sin that shows itself as pride and selfishness and keeps us from treating people the way we should or even the way we want.

So, finding and maintaining healthy friendships takes wisdom.

If you’re like me you not only want, you need wisdom that will help you know the best ways to emotionally invest in your relationships.

Because it’s not easy knowing how to get along with the friend…

  • who gossips.
  • who doesn’t respect your boundaries.
  • who has to make every decision.
  • who lies.
  • who is undependable.

Aargh!

Last week I wrote about how you and I can know if a friend is trustworthy.

But I want to make better choices at the beginning, don’t you?

That’s why I did some research, searched Scriptures, and looked back at past experiences to come up with my list of…

I did some research, searched Scriptures, and looked back at past experiences to come up with my list of the best ways for us to choose friends.

The Best Ways to Choose Friends and Protect Your Heart

“Friendship is a deep oneness that develops when two people, speaking the truth in love to one another, journey together to the same horizon.” ~Timothy Keller

1. Know How to Identify Godly Character Traits.

Read Galatians 5:22, 1 Corinthians 13, and the Book of Proverbs to know what wisdom, love, and the Fruit of the Spirit look like.

When you are with a new friend…

Pay attention to how they treat others – especially servers and sales associates.

Are they kind, respectful, helpful, and encouraging?

Are they honest and fair? Are they consistent?

Do they have integrity?

 Keep your heart pure for out of it are the important things of life. Put false speaking away from you. Put bad talk far from you. Let your eyes look straight in front of you, and keep looking at what is in front of you. Watch the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure. Proverbs 4:23–26

2. Ask God to Show You Any Personal Weaknesses. 

What are the things that make you a less than a godly friend? Pray. Ask God to open your eyes to ways you can be a better friend. Someone who blesses others.

When you are with friends…

Pay attention to how you are acting – do you adjust your values to fit in with the crowd?

Are you kind and caring to everyone – even someone who can’t repay you?

Can you disagree without being disagreeable?

Do you have integrity?

“Few things are more infectious than a godly lifestyle. The people you rub shoulders with every day need that kind of challenge. Not prudish. Not preachy. Just cracker jack clean living. Just honest to goodness, bone – deep, non-hypocritical integrity.” ~Churck Swindoll

“A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.” ~Charles Kingsley

3. Ask God to Help You Know How to Identify and Attract Safe Relationships.

Pray for courage to reach out to new people. Ask for wisdom when choosing your friends and planning your time with them.

It’s wonderful to have a lot of “hi and how are you” informal acquaintances with whom you get along well at work, church, or school. But it takes God’s wisdom to identify people you and I can trust enough to really be ourselves and grow close friendships.

So, look for people who get your quirks, and weird sense of humor. People who share your beliefs, values, and interests.

Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. Proverbs 18:24

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.” ~C.S Lewis

I did some research, searched Scriptures, and looked back at past experiences to come up with my list of the best ways for us to choose friends.

4. Ask God to Give You Patience and Forgiveness in Your Friendships. 

Remember, we’re all imperfect. Your friends may disappoint you and you may upset them, but good friends are able to forgive each other and keep going.

Forgiveness is a building block of close friendships.

“Don’t wait for other people to be loving, giving, compassionate, grateful, forgiving, generous, or friendly… lead the way!” ~Steve Maraboli

“He is your friend who pushes you nearer to God.” ~Abraham Kuyper

5. Remember – Sometimes No Matter How Hard You Try a Friendship Won’t Work Out.

No matter how loving you are, you can’t make everyone love you. It’s just a hard fact of this imperfect life. And sometimes when we’ve been hurt it’s difficult to bravely go out there and try again. But there are a lot of people in this world. Look around potential friends are everywhere.

Meanwhile…

You and I have a perfect friend in Jesus. He is always and forever faithful and forgiving. And the best part – He has given us all we need to be His friend and friends with one another.

“This is my command: Love each other as I have loved you.” John 15:12

“A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.” ~Dwight L. Moody

“The dearest friend on earth is a mere shadow compared to Jesus Christ.” ~Oswald Chambers

So, my friend, with God’s help we can do this. We can bless our friendships with prayer and patience as we faithfully thank and praise God for creating us for love.

“I give you a new command: Love each other. You must love each other as I have loved you. All people will know that you are my followers if you love each other.” John 13:34–35

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You Need to Know the Ugly Truth About Temper Tantrums

Temper tantrums are unattractive in children and downright ugly in adults. Here's help to control your temper and bless your relationships. Ooh, she was angry. I don’t know why. I don’t even know who.

But I could hear her shrieks coming from down the street. She was angry and wanted everyone to know it.

I don’t know whether it worked for her or not but temper tantrums and angry outbursts typically cause more problems than they solve.

We tend to think of tantrums as a toddler problem but…

A temper tantrum is an unplanned, unintentional expression of anger, often with physical and verbal outbursts.

So, based on that definition…

When was your last tantrum?

The last time you let everyone know that you were NOT happy? You were feet stomping, hands flailing, purple-faced angry?

Who was the recipient?

  • Your spouse.
  • Your children.
  • Your parents.
  • Your child’s teacher.
  • Your boss.
  • Your server at lunch.
  • Your neighbors.

I get it, they’re ugly and you’re squirming a little.

The truth is, even if you and I don’t want to call them temper tantrums any time we lash out in anger ranting at the closest victim . . . we can name it anything we want, it’s still a temper tantrum.

Temper tantrums are unattractive in children and downright ugly in adults.

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They are able to ruin a perfectly good day for both the tantrum thrower and the recipient.

Look at what King Solomon said about anger.

People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness. Proverbs 14:29

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Proverbs 15:1

Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. Proverbs 29:11

Just as stirring milk makes butter, and twisting noses makes them bleed, so stirring up anger causes trouble. Proverbs 30:33

Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool. Ecclesiastes 7:9

Causes trouble. 

Oh no.

Foolish.

Ouch.

Labels you a fool.

Double ouch.

Okay, you’re convinced. You’ve decided it’s time to shelve your angry outburst. Now what.

How can you and I stop our tantrum habit?

Temper tantrums are unattractive in children and downright ugly in adults. Here's help to control your temper and bless your relationships.

5 Wonderful and Doable Ways to Control Your Temper

1. Before you throw a tantrum . . . breathe.

Count to ten, count to fifty – anything to slow down and take time to calm down.

“When you own your breath, nobody can steal your peace.” ~Author Unknown

2. Before you respond to a tantrum . . . be quiet. 

Refuse to scream and shout. One of the best teachers I ever had used to speak in a whisper when she was angry. She could quickly get our attention and rarely raised her voice.

“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart.” ~Unknown

3. Before you reward a tantrum, yours or anyone else’s . . . stop.

The person, child or adult, venting is often satisfied just to get an angry response. Do your best to remain calm. Memorize a scripture verse or quote to mentally recite when you’re tempted to react with anger.

“When things begin accelerating wildly out of control, sometimes patience is the only answer. Press pause.” ~Douglas Rushkoff

4. After a tantrum . . . confess.

We’re all going to “lose it” once in a while. As hard as it is to admit, anger happens. Stop the cycle by remembering Ephesians 4:26–27

When you are angry, do not sin, and be sure to stop being angry before the end of the day. Do not give the devil a way to defeat you.

5. Work out your anger with the Lord, repent and apologize.

Ask God for His forgiveness and go to person on the receiving end of your anger and ask for an opportunity to talk about it with humility and without excuses.

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.” ~Benjamin Franklin

I’m so thankful Jesus showed us a better way to deal with each other without anger by speaking truth respectfully.

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemies.’ But I say to you, love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you. Matthew 5:43–44

 If you love only the people who love you, what praise should you get? Even sinners love the people who love them. Show mercy, just as your Father shows mercy. Luke 6:31,36

How I wish I could control my anger and love people perfectly.

It’s hard, isn’t it?

But I’m not ready to give up or give in. With prayer, practice, and Holy Spirit power we can do a better job of using our words and controlling our tempers.

Temper tantrums are unattractive in children and downright ugly in adults. Here's help to control your temper and bless your relationships.

Finally, Quotes to Inspire

 “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“The greatest remedy for anger is delay.” ~Thomas Paine

 My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants. James 1:19–20

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses. – William Arthur Ward

 Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. James 4:1

“Anger is one letter short of danger.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Do not let evil defeat you, but defeat evil by doing good. Romans 12:21

Friends, anger is a valid emotion. You and I will get angry on occasion. It’s what we do with it. Because when anger takes control it has the power to make us do and say things we don’t want to do or say. And that’s a problem.

So count to ten, speak softly, remember God’s Word, confess and apologize. 

What’s your best tip for pushing pause and controlling your anger?

Leave your prayer requests…

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I LOVE hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Is Cultural Holiness the Bar for Right and Wrong?

Cultural holiness cares about how things appear and what people think but God calls His children to obedience for a higher purpose. I wonder…

Is cultural holiness the bar for right and wrong?

What is cultural holiness? 

“Many Christians have what we might call a “cultural holiness”. They adapt to the character and behavior pattern of Christians around them. As the Christian culture around them is more or less holy, so these Christians are more or less holy. But God has not called us to be like those around us. He has called us to be like Himself. Holiness is nothing less than conformity to the character of God.” ~Jerry Bridges

It’s so much easier to follow culture than it is to conform to God’s character.

Because we can be culturally holy without love.

Cultural holiness cares about how things seem and what people think but God calls His children to obedience for a higher purpose.

A purpose of love.

Let me make my case…

When:

  • your spouse disregards your feelings repeatedly.
  • your teen rebels against your rules often.
  • your best friend doesn’t value the things that are important to you.

You can’t help but wonder but question the sincerity of their love. 

It’s natural. Because everyone knows . . . when you love someone, you want to please them.

Right?

Obedience is one of the ways you and I love God.

Cultural holiness cares about how things appear and what people think but God calls His children to obedience for a higher purpose.

The word obedience means – to do, keep, or follow commands, restrictions, wishes, instructions, etc.

God gave His people the 10 Commandments to make lives safer and happier. It’s what loving parents do! They provide boundaries because they love their children.

God is love.

Yet…

“One of Satan’s most frequently used deceptions is the notion that the commandments of God are meant to restrict freedom and limit happiness.” ~Henry B. Eyring

So, you and I have to turn away from Satan’s lies and cultures “holiness” and look to what Jesus said about God’s commands and obedience.

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40

10 Commandments to Love God and Love People.

1. Have no other gods.
2. Don’t make, bow down, or worship idols (images or things).
3. Don’t misuse God’s name.
4. Observe the Sabbath and keep it holy.
5. Honor your mother and father.
6. Don’t murder.
7. Don’t commit adultery.
8. Don’t steal.
9. Don’t testify falsely about your neighbor.
10. Don’t covet what belongs to your neighbor. (Exodus 20:1–17)

Culture would prefer to make these negotiable guidelines, but when you and I fail to love the way God commands we hurt ourselves and others.

How I would love to keep His commands perfectly. To love the way He wants me to.

But I don’t. I can’t. I won’t.

I’m stubborn and selfish. Maybe you are too.

And that stubborn selfishness wants to believe if the culture says something is fun, acceptable, or beneficial, God’s commands are outdated or unnecessary.

So the internet and magazines publish articles like:

  • Why Gossip is Actually Good for You.
  • When it’s Okay to Lie.
  • Why Adultery Can Help Save a Marriage.

Yeah, the Enemy is still holding out forbidden fruit trying to convince people that God is holding out on them. And like Eve, we grab it and take a bite.

But…

If you’ve been the victim of spread gossip, if people have lied to you or about you, or your spouse has had an affair . . . You know it’s all a lie. None of those things are okay, helpful, or good for you, and God really wants what is best for you because He loves you.

And we obey because we trust Him and want to love and worship Him.
Cultural holiness cares about how things appear and what people think but God calls His children to obedience for a higher purpose.
I love the way Paul put it in Romans 12:1–2

So brothers and sisters, since God has shown us great mercy, I beg you to offer your lives as a living sacrifice to Him. Your offering must be only for God and pleasing to Him, which is the spiritual way for you to worship. Do not be shaped by this world, instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to Him and what is perfect.

Not cultural holiness but living sacrifices.

People who respond to God’s grace, mercy, and love with obedience disregarding the Enemy’s temptations and rejecting our own selfishness because we trust God’s personal, individual, one of a kind love.

Not cultural holiness but an outpouring of love for a Father who gives all you and I need to love Him and love others. Obeying Him simply to show Him how very much we love Him.

 Now it’s time for…

Faith ‘n Friends Link Party

Counting My Blessings

I’m so glad you’re here!

This is a place to share faith, make friends, and have fun.

I’d love to connect with you on social media!

I’m finding #Friendship and #Inspiration at #Faith ‘n Friends #LinkUp Come join the fun!

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Deb Wolf
Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest

Feature Post

I’m excited to share the following posts with you this week.

Fences and Storms and Fences

by Nylse Esahc

@ Life Notes

Fences and Storms and Fences by Nylse Esahc

and

3 Verses for Your Brokenness

by Cassidy Poe

@ Cassidy’s Heart

3 Verses for Your Brokenness by Cassidy Poe

Thank you, Nylse and Cassidy, for partying with us!

No More Rules Link Party

Add 1-2 of your favorite faith/life posts.
Then just make friends and have fun.

I would really appreciate it if you would
Grab my Link Party Button above or link back to CMB.

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May your week be blessed with faith, love, and friendship! 

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and pray over the list left by our friends.

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How to Know if You Can Trust Your Friends

Can you trust your friends? Can they trust you? Find out what to look for in a friend before you share your deepest darkest secrets.

Let’s talk about trust…

Imagine the following conversation between two friends:

Friend A – “Some people should offer to read you your Miranda rights at the beginning of every conversation.” 

Friend B – “What?”

Friend A – “You know. They should come with a warning label. I am a gossip or I am a liar.”

Friend B – “Hmmm.” 

Friend A – “They should have to say, ‘You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you any time I feel like it.'”

Friend B – “That would be really helpful.”

Friend A – “Yeah, and if they don’t you could always defend yourself with . . . ‘That’s not fair, she/he never read me my rights.’“

 The truth is there are people in your life who will not keep your confidences. You’re careful and put your guard up around them because you’ve been Mirandized the hard way.

But what about those people who appear trustworthy? The ones you really like? They’re your good friends?

What about them?

Last week I wrote about ways we can learn about life the easy way. 

But some things, like who you can trust and who you can’t tend to learn the hard way whether we like it or not and it hurts.

I have a rule I use that helps. One, I’m sorry to say I learned the hard way and something I wish I could say only took one hard way lesson. But, what can I say . . . sometimes I’m a slow learner. 

Anyway, my rule goes as follows:

If they will do it with you. They will do it to you.

  • If they gossip to you. They will gossip about you. 
  • If they cheat with you. They will cheat on you.
  • If they lie to others. They will lie to you.
  • If they lie about others. They will lie about you.
  • If they’ve taken things that belong to others. They will take what belongs to you.

I wanted to believe there could be exceptions to my rule, and even though there may be . . . I’ve learned it’s foolish to count on long term personal exemption from people don’t have integrity.

Integrity is defined as:

  1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
  2. the state of being whole and undivided.

Maybe you’ve heard it this way…

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is looking.”

Without integrity, people do whatever works for them at the moment without counting the cost.

With integrity, well, people have the following characteristics.

Can you trust your friends? Can they trust you? Find out what to look for in a friend before you share your deepest darkest secrets.

How to Know if You Can Trust Your Friends

1. They tell the truth.

Not sometimes but all the time. That doesn’t mean they are blunt or hurtful. It is possible to tell the truth with kindness and respect.

What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body, we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself. Ephesians 4:25 (MSG)

2. They keep their promises.

If they say it, the mean it. If they promise to do something, they do it. Even when it’s hard!

An honest witness tells the truth, but a dishonest witness tells lies. Careless words stab like a sword, but wise words bring healing. Proverbs 12:17–18 (NCV)

3. They take responsibility for their mistakes.

They’re not perfect. If something goes wrong or they fail at something they admit it and ask for forgiveness.

People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

4. They are consistent at home, work, church, shopping, and in traffic.

They treat everyone with thoughtfulness, no matter their relationship or status.

All He does is just and good, and all His commandments are trustworthy. They are forever true, to be obeyed faithfully and with integrity. Psalm 111:7–8 (NLT)

5. They protect and care for the reputations of others.

They speak well of others and stand up for them when others are not.

A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence. Proverbs 11:3  (NLT)

6. They are loyal, respectful, compassionate, and faithful.

They are people you can count on!

May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you. Psalm 25:21 (NLT)

It’s really not that complicated.

You can trust people who have integrity.

Isn’t that what you want?

That’s the problem with gossip, lying, cheating, and broken promises. They all destroy trust and trust is much easier to keep than it is to restore.

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” ~Stephen R. Covey

I want to be trustworthy. I want the people around me to be trustworthy.

I’m guessing you would say the same.

Unfortunately, there are people in your life and mine who selfishly choose to do what works for them and don’t seem to care about their trust factor.

What are we supposed to do with them?

I like this quote from Rick Warren…

“Forgiveness must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it. Trust must be rebuilt over time. Trust requires a track record.”

Can you trust your friends? Can they trust you? Find out what to look for in a friend before you share your deepest darkest secrets.

So, when you and I have been lied to, cheated on, or gossiped about . . . even though it’s hard, we forgive. Not because we’re saying what happened doesn’t hurt or doesn’t matter but because holding on to anger and resentment makes healing and moving forward almost impossible and ends up hurting us even more than the original wrong.

But forgiveness doesn’t mean your confidence in them has been restored.

Trust that takes time and in all honesty, may never be complete again.

So…

Before you pour out your deepest darkest secrets to someone, remember—if they are gossiping to you about anyone else, you have been read your Miranda rights. Be their friend. Love them. But they are not trustworthy.

I love this quote from Jess C. Scott our goal.

“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”

Aren’t you thankful for those people who make you feel safe and comfortable?

And one more thing.

Stop and ask yourself if you have the characteristics of integrity or if should you be reading your friends their Miranda rights.

“Few things are more infectious than a godly lifestyle. The people you rub shoulders with every day need that kind of challenge. Not prudish. Not preachy. Just cracker jack clean living. Just honest to goodness, bone – deep, non-hypocritical integrity.” ~Charles Swindoll

What would your friends say?

Maybe they’d say…

The trust of a friend is a terrible thing to waste. Be careful. Be loving. Be true.

Be trustworthy and love well the trustworthy people God has given you!

Leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and stop to pray one or two of the requests listed.

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10 Terrific Tips for a Lasting and Happy Marriage

It's been 45 years since we said, "I do." We've been blessed with not only lasting but with happy, too. I'm sharing 10 favorite tips for a happy marriage.

Tomorrow is the big day!

It’s been 45 years since we said, “I do.” How did that happen?!

We’ve been blessed . . . not only with lasting but with happy too. Sure, there have been hard circumstances and things that tried to defeat us but by God’s grace, we’ve enjoyed love, laughter, and joy in being together. There is still no one with whom I would rather spend my time.

So, if you’d like to know how we do it, here are our top ten tips to keep your marriage happy while it lasts.

10 Terrific Tips for a Lasting and Happy Marriage

Laugh 

We love to laugh and we love to make each other laugh. Humor has gotten us through many of life’s difficult moments. 

“Laughter is the closest thing to the grace of God.” ~Karl Barth

It's been 45 years since we said, "I do." We've been blessed with not only lasting but with happy, too. I'm sharing 10 favorite tips for a happy marriage.

Flirt 

This is my favorite advice for newlyweds. – Never stop flirting with each other. (Only with each other.) Remember how you playfully worked to win each other’s affection in the beginning of your relationship? Don’t stop. Ever. It’s a powerful way to show how much you care. 

I belong to my love, and he belongs to me. Song of Solomon 6:3

Protect

Put a hedge of protection around your marriage. Don’t put yourself in any situations where you will be tempted to betray your marriage emotionally or physically.

“Make it your goal to create a marriage that feels like the safest place on earth.” Gary Smalley

Be Kind and Encouraging

Treat your spouse like you would treat your best friend. It’s the best way to keep him/her your best friend.

“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” ~William Shakespeare

Be Appreciative 

Say “please” and especially, say “thank you.” Those two little words can get a lot more cooperation in a relationship than all the nagging in the world.

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.” ~William James

Listen First

I am a talker. It’s not easy for me to simply sit and listen without planning what I am going to say next, but it is essential. Listening is hearing to understand not just to respond. 

“Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.” ~J. Isham.

Compromise

Winning is not the goal. It’s hard when you’re disagreeing to find answers and solutions but compromise, not conquest, your goal. Remember you are on the same team. If emotions are high and you can’t talk things over calmly . . . agree to disagree for the moment and try again later. 

“Compromise is what binds people together. Compromise is sharing and conciliatory, it is loving and kind and unselfish.” ~Ali Harris

It's been 45 years since we said, "I do." We've been blessed with not only lasting but with happy, too. I'm sharing 10 favorite tips for a happy marriage.

Keep Problems Private 

Never air your problems in public. Not even to your girlfriends. It is so tempting, but once it’s out there you have no control over where it goes! 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Pray Together 

It will strengthen your relationship with each other and with the Lord. When you’ve run out of answers and you don’t know where to turn, when life is wonderful and you’re full of gratitude, when…

Prayer is surrender that draws us closer to God and to each other.

Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. Colossians 4:2

Celebrate

There is always something to celebrate. You’re together. You’re alive. So, make your favorite dinner or put the kids to bed and have a popcorn and movie night. Whatever you do . . . count your blessings and celebrate.

“Run, leap and celebrate for you are alive today!” ~Bryant McGill

Did I miss anything?

What are your tips for a lasting and happy marriage?

I asked some of my friends to share their best marriage advice last month. You can check that our here.

My prayer for you is a marriage that is lasting and happy – because when you’re counting your blessings that one is huge! 

 Now it’s time for…

Faith ‘n Friends Link Party

Counting My Blessings

I’m so glad you’re here!

This is a place to share faith, make friends, and have fun.

I’d love to connect with you on social media!

I’m finding #Friendship and #Inspiration at #Faith ‘n Friends #LinkUp Come join the fun!

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Deb Wolf
Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest

Feature Post

I’m excited to share the following posts with you this week.

A Living Hope

by Jaime Weibel

@ Seeking GodA Living Hope by Jaime Wiebel

and

How to Wisely Watch Your Words

by and @ Gretchen Fleming

How to Wisely Watch Your Words by Gretchen Fleming

Thank you, Jaime and Gretchen, for partying with us!

No More Rules Link Party

Add 1-2 of your favorite faith/life posts.
Then just make friends and have fun.

I would really appreciate it if you would
Grab my Link Party Button above or link back to CMB.

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May your week be blessed with faith, love, and friendship! 

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and pray over the list left by our friends.

Never Miss an Update

Leave your email address and when I write a new post I'll let you know. Plus you'll receive a copy of 30 Ways to Bless Your Marriage and Keep the Spark Burning

I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…

The Best Advice for Learning About Life the Easy Way

There is much to learn about life and many ways to learn it.Things we can learn the easy way or the hard way. I'm a fan of the easy way. How about you?

There are those who say when you learn something the hard way you really learn it.

I suppose it’s true.

There is something about the lessons learned through pain that makes them stick.

I’ve never been a fan of learning the hard way. Not the one to enjoy challenging consequences . . .  I listened to advice, followed the rules, learned from the mistakes of others, and lived controlled and cautious.

But there will always be thrill seeking individuals who feel the need to test the rules to find out if they really apply to them.

Whether you’re cautious like me or a thrill seeking boundary pusher there are lessons that can only be learned through experience . . . the hard way.

Things like…

  • No matter how hard you try you can’t make everyone love you.
  • Just because everyone is doing something, doesn’t make it right.
  • No matter how badly you’ve been hurt it’s important to forgive others.
  • Unkind words may not break bones but they leave scars.
  • You are stronger and braver than you believe.

Having learned both ways . . . I will always choose easy when possible.

So, I’ve come up with a list of things I want to do to make wise choices and avoid life’s unpleasant consequences when I can.

There is much to learn about life and many ways to learn it.Things we can learn the easy way or the hard way. I'm a fan of the easy way. How about you?

The Best Advice for Learning About Life the Easy Way

1. Pay Attention 

Although it may seem obvious, too many of us are simply going through the motions of life instead of truly embracing it. We get so focused on personal busyness and challenges we fail to notice the countless things we could be learning from those around us. 

So, look around. Notice what’s going on in the lives of your extended family, your friends, neighbors, coworkers, on the news, etc. Always ask, “What can I learn from this?”

It may be something to do as often as it is a NOT TO DO. And remember to learn from your own mistakes. Why repeat painful consequences if you can avoid them?

Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge. Proverbs 18:15

2. Search for Help

The Bible is a storehouse of wise counsel for life. God’s truth is timeless and His commands are intended to bless and protect us not to spoil our fun.

And, Google is another friend. Information is available with a mouse-click. It won’t give you wisdom, but it will give you facts and examples. Search the words . . . “how to,” and you’ll find over 13 billion links to “how to” information. Fill in the blank and you can find help for almost anything.

My child, listen to what I say and treasure my commands. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures. Proverbs 2:1–4

3. Ask a Mentor and Be a Mentor

Go to a trusted and wise advisor for advice and direction. We can learn so much from each other. Expertise isn’t required . . . because experience is a very effective teacher.

And be a mentor. Sharing what you’ve learned and the ways God has worked in your life can help prevent pain for someone else.

I can’t imagine the painful lessons we were spared because people took the time to mentor Rev and me.

Dear friends who helped us with…

  • parenting advice.
  • tips on nutrition and health.
  • inspiration for our faith.
  • wise financial counsel.
  • helpful homemaking tips.

Mentors help make smooth the journey and give comfort when the road is rough.

Mentors help make smooth the journey and give comfort when the road is rough.

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The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. Proverbs 27:9

“Mentoring is: Sharing Life’s Experiences and God’s Faithfulness” ~Janet Thompson

There is much to learn about life and many ways to learn it.Things we can learn the easy way or the hard way. I'm a fan of the easy way. How about you?

4. Take Notes

I keep journals everywhere. I have journals for post ideas. Prayer journals. Blessing journals. I’m thinking of starting a Life Lessons Journal where I stop and reflect on the day.

Some questions I’m asking…

  • What did I  learn today?
  • What might I have done differently?
  • What went well?
  • What didn’t?

I want to confess my failures, know what to change, and celebrate my successes.

Obey my commands, and you will live. Guard my teachings as you would your own eyes. Remind yourself of them; write them on your heart as if on a tablet. Proverbs 7:2–3

5. Pray and Pray Again

Ask God for wisdom and guidance.

James wrote:

 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5

I love that you and I can ask God to help us pay attention, search for help, find a mentor, and take notes. That we can confess our mistakes and ask Him to help us learn from them. And we can ask Him to show us His better way.

Our loving God doesn’t want us to learn about life the hard way . . . so He gave us His Word full of truth to help and guide us.

Not because He wants to spoil our fun or make life less thrilling but because He loves us.

He wants us to know and follow His will.

The Lord is good and right; He points sinners to the right way. He shows those who are humble how to do right, and He teaches them His ways. All the Lord’s ways are loving and true for those who follow the demands of His agreement (Covenant). Psalm 25:8–10

Life will never be perfect.

You and I live in a fallen world and there will be plenty of moments that will teach us hard lessons, but with God’s help, we can avoid some of them. I’d like to avoid as many as possible.

I believe His ways keep us safer and happier and as far as I’m concerned safer and happier is better.

By God’s grace and with His help we can learn life lessons the easy way.

What do you think?

Where do you need His counsel to make better choices?

Ask Him. Your loving Father wants to help.

Leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and stop to pray one or two of the requests listed.

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I LOVE hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

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You are Making a Difference in Ways You Do Not See

Do you ever wonder if you're making a difference? If your life really matters? Somedays it feels like you're just going through the motions. But what if..?

Do you ever wonder if you’re making a difference?

If your life really matters?

Somedays it feels like you’re just going through the motions . . . doing the same things again and again.

But what if…

You really were born for “such a time as this.”

Last month, I wrote that I believe we all share the same purpose. That “love” is our why!

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength, and love your neighbor as you love yourself. Mark 12:30–31

Created by God because of His love and created for God to love Him and love others.

It’s our why . . . to love.

But each of us has a unique why as well.

A God-given purpose to be used for Him in this time and place.

And that plan, that purpose, is as unique as our fingerprints.

 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago. Ephesians 2:10

Good to know. Right?!

But some days this plan feels so mundane. Each day filled with repetitive tasks that don’t feel very purposeful.

You know you feel it when the laundry is piled high, and the bathroom needs help, and you have no idea what you’re going to cook for dinner, and the older kids are fighting in the other room while your toddler is crying and clinging to your leg.

Yeah, then.

Stop and remember…

Nothing you do in love is ever wasted! Nothing!

Living out the life in front of you with love is your God-give purpose for today.

Because…

Do you ever wonder if you're making a difference? If your life really matters? Somedays it feels like you're just going through the motions. But what if..?

You are Making a Difference in Ways You Do Not See!

Much of what you do seems like it goes unnoticed and underappreciated.

But more often than you realize . . . those little things you’re doing are making a big difference.

A Surprise Letter from Kenya

The other day, Rev and I received a letter from World Vision, written for our sponsored child, Gilbert, in Kenya.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Wolf, 

Gilbert is very happy for the gift you sent to him and the family. They purchased a goat, clothes, mattress and blankets. Gilbert is very happy for the goat because he will take good care of it. Gilbert has named it WOLF for your name. He is in the fourth grade and promises to work extra hard. God bless you. 

There’s a goat named WOLF in Kenya!

That just makes me smile!

A small gift, given in love, will provide milk, cheese, and teach a boy important lessons about care and responsibility.

We’ve given other gifts and for whatever reason, we haven’t heard how they’ve been used. That’s okay! Because anything we do in love always makes a difference. If not for the recipient . . . for us.

Maybe we make this thing called “purpose” too complicated.

Maybe we’re just supposed to get out there and live with big love?

We do what we have to do today . . . like clean, wipe noses, cook, chauffeur, listen, teach, help, smile, hug, and anything else that falls on that long list of to-dos. Then climb into bed at the end of the day satisfied and grateful even though we know we have to get up and do it all again tomorrow.

Remembering on those days when it feels like every task is unimportant and unappreciated, you charge on with big love . . . because the truth is whether we see it or not we ARE making a difference.

Impacting lives in ways we’ll never know. By a…

  • A positive word shared.
  • A smile offered.
  • A student taught.
  • A coworker helped.
  • A friend encouraged.
  • A gift given.
  • LOVE OFFERED

Do you ever wonder if you're making a difference? If your life really matters? Somedays it feels like you're just going through the motions. But what if..?

Making a difference in ways perfectly planned for us by God, the One who has given each of us a uniquely personal purpose for “such a time as this.”

 Now it’s time for…

Faith ‘n Friends Link Party

Counting My Blessings

I’m so glad you’re here!

This is a place to share faith, make friends, and have fun.

I’d love to connect with you on social media!

I’m finding #Friendship and #Inspiration at #Faith ‘n Friends #LinkUp Come join the fun!

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Deb Wolf
Facebook / Twitter / Pinterest

Feature Post

I’m excited to share the following posts with you this week.

Have We All Turned into Jerks

by Julie Loos

@ Unmasking the Mess

Have We All Turned into Jerks- What Happened to Love? by Juli Loos

and

God is Not Trying, He is Doing!

by Lisa Morris

@ Blessed Transgressions

God is not Trying, He is Doing! by Lisa Morris

Thank you, Julie and Theresa, for partying with us!

No More Rules Link Party

Add 1-2 of your favorite faith/life posts.
Then just make friends and have fun.

I would really appreciate it if you would
Grab my Link Party Button above or link back to CMB.

 Loading InLinkz ...

May your week be blessed with faith, love, and friendship! 

Don’t forget to leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and pray over the list left by our friends.

Never Miss an Update

Leave your email address and when I write a new post I'll let you know. Plus you'll receive a copy of 30 Ways to Bless Your Marriage and Keep the Spark Burning

I always enjoy hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…

Stop Being Negative and Positively Improve Your Life

Nothing . . . absolutely nothing is ever accomplished by being negative! But complaining can be a way of life. 10 ways to positively improve your life now.

This is important!

Nothing . . . absolutely nothing is ever accomplished by being negative!

And yes, I said that negatively.

You may be thinking, “amen sister!”

You’re tired of the whining, complaining, arguing, disapproving, finger-pointing I’m right and you’re wrong attitude you’re hearing on the news, reading on social media, and seeing around well . . . everywhere.

Because let’s be honest for a minute, we’re all guilty to a point…

I started thinking about this because of the backlash Tim Tebow received for saying he liked the movie, The Shack.

I haven’t seen the movie and I don’t know if I will or not. I read the book and yes, it’s not Biblically accurate . . . it doesn’t claim to be. It’s fiction, written to tell a story of love and forgiveness. If it blesses someone, what do you or I accomplish by attacking the person or their character? Don’t like the movie, that’s fine, but why attack the person who says they like it?

It’s just so easy to be negative.

But stop for a minute and imagine what could happen if we chose to make sure at 99.5% of our expressed comments were positive.

If we stopped shutting each other down with “drop the mic” 140 character discussion enders and started having more respectful exchanges of ideas looking for solutions and compromise?

And… since I brought up the movie, The Shack, you may think I’m just talking to Christians or extreme conservatives, but you’d be wrong.

I’m also talking to those who are standing in the streets shouting “not my president.”

Much has been accomplished throughout history by the peaceful gathering of citizens wanting to make their voices heard, but and this is huge . . . they were gathering for something not against it. Women marched for the right to vote, pro-life advocates march for the rights of the unborn, and those who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. marched for racial equality.

They were standing up for something not just shouting against it!

So, in keeping with my argument here . . . I’m done being negative and pointing out what people should stop doing.

The rest of this post will be positive and encouraging.

Because if you and I want to accomplish something good we need to know the positive outcome we’re hoping to achieve. Sure it takes a little more effort. It’s easy to jump on the negativity bandwagon. But if we really want to make a difference and do something good we need a positive plan.

Nothing . . . absolutely nothing is ever accomplished by being negative! But complaining can be a way of life. 10 ways to positively improve your life now.

10 Ways to Positively Improve Your Life Today

1. Walk away from all online or in person “ain’t it awful” groupthink.

Online – Take a break from social media or block the commenters who are always negative and confrontational.  In person – Invite a complainer to tell you what they would do to make the situation better. If that doesn’t work change the subject or walk away.

2. Know what you’re for and what’s important to you.

Channel your energy towards the good you can do. Life is simply too short to waste time whining and moaning when there are so many ways to make a difference.

“Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is.” ~Anne Frank

3. Set positive goals and work toward accomplishing them.

What are you passionate about? What makes your heart beat faster? Invest your time in finding ways to pursue your passion and set achievable goals. I promise the fastest way to stop being negative is to pursue what you love.

4. Talk about your hopes and dreams for the future.

Are you crazy about your family? Do you love music, art, gardening, decorating, cooking, or all the above? Talk about what you love. Do you love Jesus? Tell someone. Share your enthusiasm and let the people in your life join in the fun.

5. Praise and encourage the positive actions of others.

Ask your friends about their hopes and dreams. Lift them up. Get excited about the possibilities with them and cheer on their efforts.

When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need—words that will help others become stronger. Then what you say will do good to those who listen to you. Ephesians 4:29

6. Do something good for someone.

Busy people don’t have time to complain and they say doing good for others makes you happy, too. Sounds like a bonus to me!

“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” ~John Wesley

Nothing . . . absolutely nothing is ever accomplished by being negative! But complaining can be a way of life. 10 ways to positively improve your life now.

7. Talk online and in person about the good things you see people doing.

It’s just so easy to click on the like and share buttons. What if we just stopped passing along all the negative stuff? If you’re looking for something to post online . . . find a good news story or a funny picture or video. And this is important, only support encouraging things you see your friends and family posting.

8. Pray about the good, bad, and ugly! Ask God to show Himself strong in life’s messiness.

God is on His throne and hears every prayer. When we complain it sounds like we don’t believe He is able to do anything about it. Get on your knees and talk to God . . . every fear and frustration, each concern and care. He is sovereign and more than able to accomplish His will.

As for me, I will call on God and the Lord will save me. I will cry out and complain in the evening and morning and noon, and He will hear my voice. Psalm 55:16–17

9. Listen to different points of view, you might learn something.

If someone is respectfully sharing their opinion, even if you don’t agree, be kind and listen. Shutting down ideas with which we disagree doesn’t help anyone. Who knows . . . they might return the favor and listen to you.

“Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you. Listen in such a way that others love to speak to you.” ~Anonymous

10. Before you complain about something you can’t change, do something to change what you can.

There are ministries that need our help. Groups that need your specific gifts and abilities. People who need your prayers. There is so much to do . . . why would we waste our time and energy complaining about something we can’t.

That’s my list.

Maybe you have something to add . . . please share it in the comments.

And remember…

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” ~Roy T. Bennett

That choice will make a huge difference in your life.

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How the Fruit of the Spirit Can Bless Your Relationships

February, the “love” month is coming to a close. All month the internet has been flooded with tips for improving our relationships with those closest to us.

Even with all those helpful suggestions, relationships are hard. We are short on patience and too often misunderstand each other. Feelings get hurt and closeness suffers.

So, what’s the answer?

What could happen if you made a decision to care for your relationships with the Fruit of the Spirit - with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc?

I’ve been wondering what would happen if you and I made a decision to care of our relationships through the lens of the Fruit of the Spirit.

What if we treated every relationship with fruit attributes?

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22-23

How the Fruit of the Spirit Can Bless Your Relationships

1. Love  

Love is easy when everything is all sunshine and butterflies . . . but caring for our friends and family when they’re difficult, outspoken, and demanding is hard.

It would be easier if love really was just an emotional response but it’s not.

God gave the Apostle Paul the words to define love in 1 Corinthians 13… 

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

1 Corinthians 13 - Love Defined

2. Joy

Joy-filled people are the best cheerleaders. They’re happy for each other. Spirit-given joy helps them avoid comparisons and envy so they can celebrate every success with family and friends.

Joy makes us so thankful for the gifts and blessings God has given us . . . we’ll avoid the comparisons that kill it.

Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15

“Comparison is the death of joy.” ~Mark Twain

3. Peace

 People who enjoy Spirit-given peace, trust and believe the best about others. They calmly talk things out and quickly forgive when their feelings are hurt. They also ask for forgiveness when they’ve said or done something that hurts.

Spirit-given peace makes us peacemakers.

But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17–18

4. Patience

Patient people are slow to criticize. They look for the best believing most slights are unintended and/or unavoidable.

We will disagree and hurt each other sometimes but with God’s help, you and I can remember to give the same patience to others we want them to give us.

Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Ephesians 4:2

5. Kindness

Kind people are well . . . kind.

Obviously!

You and I want the people are us to be nice. I’m guessing they want us to be nice, too. The goal is consistency and that takes Spirit-given kindness.

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.” ~Henry James

6. Goodness

Spirit-given goodness makes it possible people to reject selfishness and put others first.

Ooh, that’s hard, isn’t it? Selfishness comes naturally but just imagine how we could bless our relationships if we chose to put the good of others ahead of our own.

Wow, if everyone did it we’d enjoy a little taste of heaven on earth.

For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in His steps. 1 Peter 2:21

What could happen if you made a decision to care for your relationships with the Fruit of the Spirit - with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc?

7. Faithfulness

Faithful people are trustworthy.

If you and I want our friends and families to trust us we will consistently show them how much we value them. We’ll faithfully keep their secrets and always tell the truth gently and kindly. Spirit-given faithfulness gives us the strength we need to keep our promises.

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.” Luke 16:10

8. Gentleness

Gentleness is not weakness. It is strength under control.

When you and I have Spirit-given gentleness we won’t anger easily. We’ll stop, breathe, listen,  and treat everyone with humble caring compassion. Yeah, can’t do that on our own . . . it takes Spirit-given gentleness.

They [believers] must not slander anyone and must avoid quarreling. Instead, they should be gentle and show true humility to everyone. Titus 3:2

9 Self-Control

Spirit-given self-control provides balance in relationships. It keeps people from taking advantage of the kindness of others and do what’s best.

At a time when the world says “it’s all about me,” and “I need to take care of number one,” self-control helps us surrender to God and apply the Fruit of the Spirit to every relationship.

 You should know this, Timothy, that in the last days there will be very difficult times. For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred. They will be unloving and unforgiving; they will slander others and have no self-control. They will be cruel and hate what is good. 2 Timothy 3:1-3

What could happen if you made a decision to care for your relationships with the Fruit of the Spirit - with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, etc?

As I read through this list, I know I can’t do these things on my own.

Live and work without pride. Be gentle and kind. Do not be hard on others. Let love keep you from doing that. Work hard to live together as one by the help of the Holy Spirit. Then there will be peace. Ephesians 4:2–3

I need the Holy Spirit’s help! You too?!

Without the Spirit, selfishness defeats us . . . but with His perfect presence and help, we can love well, stop comparing and work toward peace with patience and kindness.

Praise God, through His Spirit we have all we need to live with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control and bless our relationships.

One last quote to help us remember…

“The fruit of the Spirit is fundamentally relational. Rather than originating with us, it flows to us from our union with Christ, and it flows beyond us to bring us into fellowship with others. The secret of this flow – and our unity with God and others – is humility.” ~Jerry Bridges

Leave your prayer requests…

May we pray for you

and stop to pray one or two of the requests listed.

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I LOVE hearing from you! Please take a minute to say ‘hi’ and share your thoughts in the comments below.

And if this article blessed or helped you today — would you share it with someone? Maybe a friend, family member, coworker, or through the links below…