People-pleasers need extra patience
because they are trying to do the impossible.
Seriously, have you ever been able to keep everyone happy . . . no matter how hard you tried?
No? Me either!
However, in my decades-long failed attempt at other people’s happiness, I’ve learned two important things:
- People-pleasers need to be more patient.
- People-pleasers need people to be patient with them.
I need to be patient because:
It’s easy to get frustrated with someone who isn’t responding to my efforts to make them happy.
But people choose their own happiness. Often, their unhappiness doesn’t have anything to do with me. And the truth is . . . their happiness is not my job!
I’ve had to learn to be patient with other’s choices, love them well and be patient with myself when I slip back into pleasing them out of fear, not love.
I need their patience because:
I’m trying. I’m really trying to do the best I can. It’s exhausting trying to juggle everyone’s moods, whims, desires, and needs. Whew!
When I’m tired and know my efforts are not measuring up I don’t handle things as well as I’d like. I need the people to be patient with me on the days I’m discouraged and frustrated.
Everyone needs patience. People-pleasers and non-people-pleasers.
By God’s grace, I’m able to describe myself as a recovering people-pleaser. I’ve learned that love is a better motivator than fear. I know it’s easy to muddy the two, but with God’s help, I believe it’s possible to be free of fear and simply love.
Because God loves us and pours more than enough love into our lives for it to overflow onto others.
God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:5
Because perfect love casts out fear.
Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear. 1 John 4:18
I’d love to tell you more…
My friend, Alison, at Life of Scoop, is doing a series on relationships. I’m thrilled she invited me join this wonderful group and share my recovery and the joy of freedom I’ve found.
If you’re a people-pleaser ready for something better or you know someone who would be blessed by the freedom of living without fear of people’s displeasure . . . keep reading.
I’m a recovering people-pleaser.
I say “recovering” because like any intense inner need there is always a danger of relapse.
On the surface people-pleasing looks like a good thing . . . almost Biblical.
Didn’t Jesus say, doing for others was like doing for Him? (Matthew 25:40)
There’s a problem for those of us who people please… A big problem.
Our intense need to please is based on fear.
Dr. Sherry Pagoto wrote the following for Psychology Today, “Typically, the intense need to please and care for others is deeply rooted in either a fear of rejection and/or fear of failure.”
Yep! That was me.
I feared rejection. So, I pleased.
It was like a math problem.
The more I loved someone, the harder they were to please (insert fear of rejection) the more I’d try to do whatever it took to please them.
Big Love + Big Fear = Big Pleasing.
And I could juggle it all pretty well most of the time. But when two or more people I loved had conflicting requests or needs, when their wants pulled me in different directions, when I had to choose . . . that’s when my anxiety levels would soar and I’d freeze.
Because fear of rejection is a great motivator.
To read the rest and learn my 12 ways to free click here.
Thanks Alison! It’s a blessing to be part of this project!
Now it’s time for…
Faith ‘n Friends Blog Hop
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I’m excited to share the following posts with you this week.
by Mary Flaherty
by Lux G.
@ About Life and Love
Thank you, Mary and Lux, for joining the Blog Hop!
No More Rules Blog Hop
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